[Frasier returns to his apartment to find the large surround-sound speakers have been erected.]
Frasier: Oh, dear God! It's Stonehenge!

Niles: It seems so unhealthy. Isn't she going to serve anything at Dad's party but meat?
Daphne: Sherry says that's what he and his old cronies like best. With drinks, she's serving cocktail franks. For appetizers, we're having a sausage medley. And for the main course, there's a choice of meat loaf or meat balls.
Niles: I assume these colorful balloons are for the between-course angioplasty.

Sherry: Good news. I found a guy who can sculpt an exact replica of Marty's old police badge out of six pounds of liverwurst.
Frasier: Oh. How reminiscent of the cream cheese gavel they gave Thurgood Marshall on his eightieth.

Frasier: Hello, Niles. You know, this isn't what it looks like. You see, her ex-boyfriend was just- [to Roz] Oh, just stop that!
Niles: Please, please. No explanation necessary. I assume that at the next meeting of Seattle's "Haven't Kissed Roz Club," it will just be me and the archbishop.
Roz: I'll save you the club fees.
Niles: What-? [Roz kisses Niles and then leaves] Everyone kisses better than Maris.

Sherry: Marty, where ever did you find a bra that could fit a horse?
Martin: Oh, Mickey brought it in from home. Mae Dugan was a lot of things, but petite she wasn't. I'll point her out to you at the party.
Sherry: Honey, if that's her bra, I can spot her myself.

Martin: You know, the best thing about turning sixty-five is everybody wants to buy you dinner.
Daphne: Mr. Crane, you've left your top button unbuttoned.
Martin: Oh, yeah, that's because Duke's taking me to Hoppy's Old Heidelberg. You know, if I don't unbutton it now, it might fly off and hurt somebody.

Roz: You might remember him, Stan?
Frasier: Stan? The smug stockbroker who kept calling me "Frazer?"
Roz: Oh yeah, that's him. One minute, we're hot and heavy and then he just stops calling. It's so humiliating when someone treats you like you don't even exist.
Frasier: How can someone not hear the difference between "Frasier" and "Frazer"?
Roz: Yeah, that's what bugged me the most, too.

Niles: I'm so glad we agreed to rein ourselves in this year.
Frasier: Oh, God, me too. Finally do away with our annual contest to see who could give Dad the most lavish gift.
Niles: I think the competition had gotten a bit, uh, what is the best word for it?
Frasier: Extreme.
Niles: No, childish.
Frasier: Gaudy.
Niles: Crass.
Frasier: Obscene.
Niles: Baroque.
Frasier: Stop it!

Frasier: So, what did you get him?
Niles: Oh, just some, beer.
Frasier: Well, we're not exactly bumping our heads on that spending ceiling, are we?
Niles: It's a bit fancier than that. It's a membership in a beer club. They deliver a case from a different micro brewery every month.
Frasier: You know, I looked into those clubs. They're rather expensive.
Niles: Oh, not really. I'm right at our limit. Maybe with taxes and handling, I'm a drop or two over.
Frasier: How big a drop?
Niles: Just, uh, a hundred dollars over.
Frasier: That's not a drop, it's a downpour.
Niles: It's a dribble.
Frasier: It's a deluge.
Niles: It's a...
Frasier: Stop it.

Martin: Sherry, we can't use this photograph, it's too embarrassing.
Sherry: That's exactly why we're using it. I'm decorating the whole party with old pictures of Marty from the force.
Martin: Well, we can't use this one of me at the morgue. It's too disturbing.
Niles: You're right. I totally forgot you even had a perm.