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37Quotes from ‘SeaBee Jeebies’

Frasier: SeaBee Jeebies

1110. SeaBee Jeebies

Aired December 2, 2003

As the media swarms around Niles because of Maris's high-profile case, Frasier looks forward to the SeaBee Awards and a chance to raise his public profile.

Quote from Frasier

Martin: [to Eddie] Hey, you're lookin' a little under the weather. You all right?
Frasier: He most certainly is not. He dined on that lovely can of bacon fat you've been hiding under the sink.
Martin: Oh, geez. Poor little guy. You know, bacon grease is bad for dogs.
Frasier: Ironic, considering its vast health benefits for humans.

Quote from Niles

Frasier: So, Randy, where were we?
Randy: Your brother was just telling me how Maris is coping with jail. So, is it true that Maris tried to break out?
Niles: Oh, no, no, no. Her eyebrow pencil simply rolled out of her cell and she went to get it. It's really the jail's fault for making those bars so far apart.

Quote from Kenny

Kenny: [on the phone] No, he'll make for a great profile: SeaBeas record holder, doctor, big ladies man, the whole ball of wax. Well, you can ask him yourself.
Frasier: [taking the phone] Hello? Yes, well, when would be a good time for you? Oh, I've just had the greatest idea: Why don't you interview me while we're at the SeaBee Awards? Yes, it will be a freewheeling chat against a glittering backdrop. Splendid! I will see you anon.
Kenny: [taking back the phone] Hey. No, he always talks like that.

Quote from Daphne

Martin: Long night, Niles?
Niles: Oh, a bit. We were out at a party last night.
Daphne: At Bill Gates's house.
Frasier: Really? Some sort of charity event?
Niles: No, no, just a few people over for dinner. His wife has been following Maris' case and she wanted to meet us. It seems the story's captured everyone's imagination and people want to get the inside scoop.
Daphne: Their house is enormous. I got lost going to the loo, but a voice in the wall guided me back.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Anyway, I thought after lunch we might stop by the museum for the Goya exhibit.
Niles: Actually, we're going tomorrow night with the Blenkinsops.
Frasier: Tomorrow? But the museum's closed tomorrow.
Niles: Uh, not for Bunny and Bruce.
Frasier: Well, with all the rarefied elbows you've been rubbing lately, I'm surprised you could find the time for lunch with a commoner like me.

Quote from Frasier

Roz: Hey, Fras.
Frasier: Oh, hi.
Roz: I'm so sorry about the show. I was a little distracted.
Frasier: Yes, I sensed that when you patched through Wanda, who wanted to know what our soup of the day was.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Well, if it's any comfort, Niles has been perfectly insufferable of late. This whole Maris affair has gained him some minor notoriety. He's been flaunting it like a tattered boa. I'm trying to do the right thing and rise above it, of course, but there are times I just want to step on his feet. And hard, too.

Quote from Roz

Frasier: How do you do?
Denise: Frasier, hi. Well, you are looking very distinguished.
Frasier: Thank you.
Roz: That's code for "old".
Frasier: I know.

Quote from Frasier

Niles: Oh, no, is that Seattle Magazine? I was hoping you hadn't seen it.
Frasier: Seen what?
Niles: Oh, nothing, nothing. It's a silly thing. It's page thirty.
Roz: Oh, it's one of those "What's Hot/What's Not" lists. I love these. "Heirloom Tomatoes - Hot, Sun Dried Tomatoes - Not".
Frasier: Give me that. Uh-huh. "Dr. Niles Crane - Hot, Dr. Frasier Crane..." well, you can see where they're going with this.

Quote from Roz

Denise: Roz, are you sure this dress didn't fit you? Because I'm just swimming in it.
Roz: [to a passing waiter] Okay, two Bloody Marys, please. And there's a twenty in it for you if one of 'em's poisoned. I don't even care which one.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Good morning. I'm Dr. Frasier Crane and it is my great honor to stand before you, my fellow luminaries and welcome you to the Seattle Broadcasting Awards. I hope to do justice to the dignity of this most august occasion.
[A chef steps up and whispers in Frasier's ear]
Frasier: I've been asked to inform everyone that we are running low on sausage. So if you would please limit yourselves to one link or patty. Thank you.
[The band starts playing]
Frasier: I'm not finished.

Quote from Roz

Denise: This is so terrible.
Roz: I know, I know.
Denise: How would you know what it's like to lose a husband, Roz? You never even had one.
Plum: Accepting the award is Roz Doyle.
Roz: Um, thanks, Plum. Larry couldn't be here today, but if he were here, he would say, um... "Yes! Thank you, God! Yes! This is the best day of my entire life! I've just been waiting for this since I was a little girl. Yes! You have no idea how much this means to me! Yes!"

Quote from Frasier

Plum: And now the nominees for best radio call-in host.
Kenny: Better get ready, Doc. This one has your name on it.
Frasier: Well, it better, because this whole show has been a nightmare. Not that it actually could be a nightmare because it's mid-morning!

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Don't you dare. You have been monopolizing that man's time all morning.
Niles: You should thanking me for distracting him from this circus.
Frasier: You should talk. You've been the ringmaster of your own media circus for the last week.
Niles: And it's just killing you, isn't it?
Frasier: If you think I am jealous of your tawdry notoriety, then you don't know who I am.
Niles: Just like most of the people in this city!
Frasier: You go too far!

Quote from Frasier

Daphne: It's a pretty lady holding some mail. Oh, you didn't pull that trick again, did you?
Frasier: I have no idea what you're talking about. Step aside! Don't want her to slip it under the door! [opening the door] Hello.
Caroline: Hi. Sorry to disturb you. Some of your mail got mixed in with mine.
Frasier: Oh, dear. How did that happen?
Caroline: I don't know. Some of it just seemed to be jammed in there.
Frasier: Uh, huh. Really, well, we must make allowances for our mailman. He's a veteran.

Quote from Frasier

Caroline: No, your brother. Oh, you're Niles Crane from that big murder case. I saw you on the news.
Daphne: He's been on three times this week. He's practically famous.
Niles: Well, hardly famous.
Frasier: My brother doesn't like to toot his own horn. You know, I was discussing that very personality type today on my very popular radio show.
Caroline: Oh, right, right. Dr. Frasier Crane.
Frasier: Yes.
Caroline: Yes, my mother listens to you.

Quote from Martin

Frasier: Isn't it nice to know there are still honest people in the world?
Martin: How come your mail never gets mixed up with that sweaty fat guy's upstairs?

Quote from Roz

Roz: My sister Denise is in town. I hate it when she visits. She isn't happy until she makes me feel completely miserable. Do you know what she called my place? "Cozy."
Frasier: Well, that's a compliment.
Roz: No, it's code for "smaller than hers".

Quote from Roz

Roz: She wraps every insult up in a compliment, and when I try to call her on it she just says "Hun, I was trying to be nice, you're so sensitive." And of course, everything in her life is so perfect. Her home, her husband, the stretch of highway she keeps clean. She's so competitive.

Quote from Roz

Denise: I hope this makes it up to you. Now, Roz, I know you love your sports wear, but trust me, men like women who wear dresses once in a while.
Roz: So you've said.

Quote from Roz

Frasier: Now, Roz. At least she's trying. She did get you a gift, after all. And look, it's very chic and expensive, I'm sure.
Roz: Uh, and two sizes too small.
Frasier: All right, she's a bitch.
Roz: Thank you.

Quote from Roz

Kenny: You're up for best host and best informational special, which gives you the lifetime record for most nominations.
Frasier: Oh, my God, I'm, I'm so flattered. I hope you two will join me at my table.
Roz: Oh, those awards are torture. They're endless. Can I bring my sister?
Frasier: Of course.

Quote from Niles

Niles: Hi. Listen, Frasier, I'm so sorry, I have to cancel tonight. I'm going to hear Tony Bennett.
Frasier: Oh, really. Where's he playing?
Niles: At Frank Gehry's birthday party.

Quote from Niles

Niles: [answering the phone] Hello? Hello, Daphne. A delivery from Bill and Mindy! Aren't they sweet? No, don't uncrate it until I get home!

Quote from Roz

Roz: Why are you taking him to the SeaBeas?
Frasier: Because I want to see him at my best, Roz. Do you realize, I'm giving the opening remarks this year? And if I do say so myself, they will change you.
Roz: Yeah, from an awake person to a sleeping one.

Quote from Roz

Frasier: Perfect! All I was lacking was the appropriate piece of arm candy to accompany me and there she is.
Roz: Who's she?
Frasier: A neighbor of mine in the building, whose acquaintance I have recently made.
Roz: Oh, right. Daphne told me you pulled that old mail trick out of mothballs.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Well, I've worked my magic. That magnificent creature will be accompanying me on Saturday night.
Roz: Frasier, the awards are Saturday morning.
Frasier: Well, of course they're not.
Roz: Yes, they are.
Frasier: Roz, who would ever plan an awards ceremony on a Saturday morning?
Roz: Kenny was in charge this year, he booked the room too late.
Caroline: [on her way out] See you this weekend.
Frasier: Yeah, bye-bye. Oh, don't forget I'll pick you up seven-thirty, Saturday morning. Bye-bye.

Quote from Roz

Roz: Oh, you can't blame her, Frasier. Who wants to get in hair and makeup at eight o'clock in the morning?
Frasier: Well, somebody better. I'm being profiled. It's going to look like I can't even scare up a date.
Roz: You scared that one pretty good.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: There's a face I'm happy to see.
Roz: Frasier.
Frasier: Not you, Roz. Listen, Denise, uh, could you do me a small favor?
Denise: Mm-hmm?
Frasier: You see, my date didn't show up and there's a reporter here today doing a story on me and could you pretend to be my date?
Denise: Well, sure. [to Roz] First the valet hits on me and now this.

Quote from Martin

Martin: Some spread. I got pigs-in-a-blanket lying on an omelet pillow. And check it out, it snowed cheese.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: So, I'm so glad you can join us on our gala morning.
Randy: Is this thing always so early?
Frasier: No, but then the SeaBeas have always been the wayward maverick of awards shows. In fact I kind of touch on that on my opening remarks, while hewing to my original theme: Communication as the Engine of Social Progress.
Randy: Sounds great. Could I get a big cup of coffee, please?

Quote from Martin

Frasier: What's Niles doing here?
Martin: Oh, I gave him Ronee's ticket. She said she hated to miss it, but she didn't want to come.

Quote from Frasier

Bandleader: You want to give me a cue so I know when to play you off stage?
Frasier: Ah, you will feel the pace quicken as I build to my climax, which is a grim verbal picture of the world without broadcasting.
Bandleader: Just tell me the last words.
Frasier: I'll say "Thank you."

Quote from Martin

Frasier: Well, Niles, you should have powdered your nose if you planned to spend so much time in my spotlight.
Niles: I was just making conversation.
Frasier: Well, stop it.
Martin: Knock it off, you two. If you can't share this reporter, I'm gonna ask him to leave.

Quote from Frasier

Kenny: Doc, that's Jerry Edwards. He's supposed to close the show.
Frasier: Is he all right?
Kenny: Oh, no. You knocked his glass eye out. Well, you're gonna have to close the show for him.
Frasier: What?
Kenny: Well, you took him out. And you'll be the only guy in history to open and close the SeaBeas.
Frasier: Really? Nobody's ever done it before?

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: [singing to the tune of Moon River] The SeaBeas, now are at an end
We hope you've made a friend
Or two...
And the SeaBeas
Have great freebies,
Just pick up your bag
At the door to your right.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: [continuing to sing to the tune of Moon River] The SeaBeas, we hope your day was great,
And, yes, we validate,
Right there.
See Rico, Eduardo or Jen,
They'll bring it round the bend,
A Hyundai or a Benz
The SeaBeas are through.


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