Frasier: Gee, Niles, you seem a little cranky.
Niles: Well, perhaps that's because I was rousted out of a warm bed at the crack of dawn and herded onto a Winnebago!

Frasier: What exactly are we going to do tomorrow night? Every restaurant in town worth going to has been booked for months.
Martin: Well, you know, you can join me and the boys at McGinty's. It's going to be a lot of fun. They're going to dye the beer green.
Niles: Why would you do that on New Year's Eve?
Martin: Oh well, McGinty's going in for a bypass next month and he's afraid he might not make it out for St. Paddy's Day.
Niles: This is a disaster.
Martin: No, they'll just pop in another pig valve. You know, the only reason he needs it is because he eats so much bacon. So, the same thing that's killing him is keeping him alive. [chuckles] There's your O. Henry story.

Niles: Cancel the Millennium! Chez Henri has burned down!
Frasier: Burned down?
Niles: Yes! Apparently, Henri was caramelizing a huge creme brulee in the shape of Puget Sound, when a sugar spark ignited a thirty-foot paper maché "Space Needle." They're already calling it the worst centerpiece disaster in the history of Seattle.
Frasier: Henri built his reputation with that caramelizing torch. My God, the irony of him burning down his own restaurant with it. It's worthy of O. Henry.
Niles: Oh! Henri. [laughs]
Frasier: Please, Niles, it's too soon to joke.

Martin: Oh, did you see that sign? Little Red Cabin. You remember those diners? Home of the log roller: a flank steak wrapped around a combination of eggs, cheese and onions! You kids used to love eating there. You'd
scream out at me, "Dad, pull over. Quick, pull over."
Frasier: Actually, Dad, that was after we ate.

Niles: Well, maybe we can just stay in tomorrow night.
Frasier: On the most significant New Year's Eve of our lifetime? I think not.
Niles: I should have just gone with Mel. She and her mother are taking a hot air balloon through the wine country. [Martin and Frasier look at him] Well, not in the balloon, no, but I could have followed along in the recovery vehicle.

Roz: Hey, Frasier.
Frasier: Hello, Roz. Happy New Year. Or should I say "Happy New Millennium?"
Roz: Oh, barf. I'm so sick of talking about it.
Frasier: Oh, now Roz, let's not condemn the new Millennium just because you woke up in it with a hangover. That's what ruined church for you.

Officer: Well, look who's here. You boys know what you did wrong back there?
Martin: Yeah, yeah, I know. A U-turn.
Officer: Nope. Called me a goober.

Roz: I just hate how this arbitrary point on the calendar has become so significant. And as far as my hangover went, it was worth it. I partied my ass off like a brain-damaged test monkey.
Frasier: I see. Well, allow me to congratulate you on your first science-related metaphor.
Roz: And what did you do? Get all freaky and finish your list of the century's greatest thinkers?

Frasier: Wait a minute. Speaking of wine, wasn't the wine club having some sort of a party?
Niles: Yes, at Ken Lauterbach's place in Sun Valley. Oh, it's a huge event.
Frasier: Of course, Auld Lang Wine.

Daphne: Bloody hell! Five days after Christmas is over and I'm still getting these cards. They do it on purpose, you know. It's always from someone you forgot, and then it's too late to send one back. Then they sneer at you for the rest of the year! "Peace and Goodwill," my arse! You just lost yourself a customer, Dr. Naran S. Gupta, D.D.S.!
Martin: Losing a set of English teeth, he'll feel that!