Niles: How do you expect me to get up there?
Doris: Well, you can climb up the tree.
Niles: Oh, come on.
Doris: Well, surely you climbed plenty of trees when you were a boy.
Jane: That's Dr. Crane's brother.
Albert & Doris: Oh.

Niles: Sometimes the note sees the attack coming and retreats.

Frasier: You're not going to drink that that way, are you?
Martin: Why?
Frasier: My Goodness, the first mistake in eggnog preparation is failing to garnish it properly with a dash of nutmeg. There we are.
Martin: [Martin takes a sip] Oh! Oh! Oh! [He walks over to the sink and spits it out]
Frasier: Of course, the second mistake is placing the paprika next to the nutmeg on the spice shelf.

Frasier: Oh well, maybe you just need a little rehearsal. Why don't we work on it tonight?
Martin: Really? Do you think that would help?
Frasier: Sure. You're a good singer, you're just a little rusty. Start around eight?
Martin: Okay. Yeah, I am a good singer. Remember those old family picnics when I used to belt out "What's New, Pussycat"?
Frasier: We'll start around seven, then.

[in Daphne's perspective:]
Niles: Oh, that's awfully dangerous, Daphne, standing under that mistletoe. A piece could fall into your eye.
Frasier: Let me freshen your drink, Niles.

Daphne: Well, that worries me a bit.
Niles: What does?
Daphne: Well, I think your father's been going to that church. I had an uncle who did the same thing. Had no interest in church his whole life.and then he started going everyday. It turns out he had some bad health news from his doctor. He didn't even last a year.
Niles: Well, first of all, I can see you're upset, so come here. [they hug]
Daphne: Thank you, Dr. Crane. You're always so supportive.
Niles: And second of all, I think you're worrying over nothing. I've never known my father to have so much as a hangnail without letting everyone know about it.
Daphne: That's true. Maybe I just got myself worked up remembering my Uncle John.
Niles: Look at you, just saying his name gets you upset. Come here.
Daphne: Well, I'm fine.
Niles: No, no, you need a hug.
Daphne: Oh, all right.

[in Daphne's perspective, as she enters the apartment and Martin is on the phone]
Martin: Well, you know, I'm terrified about this, Father. All this came around so sudden. I'm not prepared. Now tell me again what I'm supposed to say when I see Jesus the first time? Okay. All right. Well, thank you. Yeah, I'll see you soon, bye.

Daphne: Hello. I'm just so excited about the gift I just got for you, Mr. Crane.
Martin: Oh, great.
Daphne: Why don't you open it now?
Martin: Oh, to tell you the truth, I don't really have much time, I'm kind of on my way out. [Daphne begins to cry] Oh, okay, all right. I'll open it now. Sure, sure. I don't want to get you upset. You must be really excited about this.
Martin: Oh, wow. It's that sweater, the one I pointed out to you in that window. It's great. Boy, I can die a happy man now! [Daphne bursts into tears] Daphne, what's the matter, are you all right?
Daphne: Oh, Mr. Crane, I know why you've been going down to that church.
Martin: You do? Well, you're not supposed to know about that. But why is it making you so upset?
Daphne: Because I care about you. You were actually going to let thiswhole thing happen without ever telling a soul.
Martin: Well, yes. I don't want people staring at me in church, stiff as a board, all that makeup on my face.

Repairman: [v.o.] Well, there is another way. If somebody felt like climbing through the trap door on top of your car, there's a manual release switch up there that would open up your doors.
Doris: Well, that's what we've gotta do then. Somebody's gotta go up there.
Albert: Uh, that's a pretty small opening.
Niles: Well obviously, I have more confidence in your wife than you do. Step this way, ma'am, I'll give you a leg up.

Niles: Fine. I suppose in times of crisis, someone must step forward and be a hero. Today that man is Niles Crane. Tomorrow, it will be my dry cleaner, Mr. Lee.