Frasier: Are you trying to get transferred?
Roz: Look, Dr. Crane, I got to be honest with you here. It's just that I-I think psychiatry is, just, sort of, kind of ... bull.
Frasier: Oh, well, this is a match made in heaven then, isn't it?!
Roz: Oh, don't be offended.
Frasier: "Don't be offended." Why should I be offended? In the last week, I've uprooted myself from my home of fifteen years, moved all the way across the country away from everything I care about, and plunged myself into a frightening new career. The first few nerve-wracking moments, I walk in here and find my producer lobbying to get herself transferred to another show. Abe Lincoln had a brighter future when he picked up his tickets at the box office!

Niles: Can you believe the incompetence of that man? I very clearly asked for a whisper of cinnamon, he's given me a full-throated shout! There are countries in this world where they would lop off his sprinkling hand! [Niles frantically scoops the surplus cinnamon out of his coffee]
Frasier: You know, I'd forgotten what a weird little person you are.

Frasier: Daphne, I was just thinking about our discussion earlier this afternoon, and I've decided to give you an extra week off. That way you can go to Manchester and Acapulco.
Daphne: Oh, that's so sweet. You really must think I should go home.
Frasier: Well, I've just realized that being part of a family is really worth the effort. And very often the effort means you'll need a week in Acapulco, so...
Daphne: Thank you, Dr. Crane.

Daphne: Oh, Mum, it's not that I don't want to come home. I'd love a visit. It's just that I can't. He won't let me. Oh, you have no idea what Dr. Crane is like. Why, he's an absolute beast. Unpleasant to be around. A real tyrant!
[Frasier shuts the door loudly. Daphne turns around]
Daphne: [to Frasier] Oh, it's just me mum. I'm trying to get out of a visit home.
Frasier: [whispering] Oh, I understand.
Daphne: [on the phone] No, I'm not exaggerating. He treats me like a bloody slave.
Frasier: Daphne! Where's my dressing gown?!
Daphne: Not to mention how cheap he is.
Frasier: That better not be a long-distance call!

Frasier: Spent a good part of the day puzzling over the proper signature line to use to introduce myself.
Martin: Well, I'm sure you'll come up with something.
Frasier: Well, you know, I'm looking for something that's familiar but not a cliché. You know, something that's memorable but not too gimmicky. [Martin turns on the television] You know, it doesn't really matter if it's got something to— Dad, please, I'm trying to have a conversation, it's hard with the TV on.
Martin: Well, I just want to get the score, okay?
Frasier: I'm trying to describe to you my dilemma with that phrase—
Martin: [turns off TV] All right, fine, I'm listening. Are you happy? I'm listening.
Frasier: That's it. "I'm listening!" That's fabulous. Have you got a pencil somewhere?

[As Niles wipes down the chair with a handkerchief]
Frasier: I remember your fourth birthday party, Grandmother took us to the park to ride the carousel, and made all those little children wait while you wiped off your painted pony.
Niles: I was wearing Bermuda shorts and that saddle was slick with toddler sweat.

Waiter: You ready to order?
Niles: Uh, yes. Double decaf non-fat latte, mmm... medium foam, dusted with just the faintest whisper of cinnamon.
Frasier: I'll have a black coffee.
Niles: You'll have to forgive my brother. He just came in on the noon stage.
Frasier: I hope I never see the day when I am so frightfully pretentious that a good-old cup of American coffee isn't good enough for me.

Roz: Happy anniversary!
Frasier: Oh, Roz. Roz. Oh, this is so much fun, Roz. I got you one, too.
Roz: Oh, thank you. Okay, you first. I mean, it's nothing really, it's not expensive or anything, you probably won't even like it. I'm not good at gifts—
Frasier: Look, don't oversell it, Roz. ... It's a tape. "The Dr. Frasier Crane Show: Show #1, May 21st, 1993."
Roz: It's our first broadcast.
Frasier: Oh, Roz, I can't wait to listen to it. Oh, God. Did you ever think I'd stay on the air this long?
Roz: Oh, hell no. [reading the card Frasier got her:] "To Roz, who believed in me from the start."
Frasier: Yes, it's from Hallmark's "Irony" section.

Daphne: And going home is just so flipping boring. It's always the same. There's a wonderful reunion at the airport, and we share all our news on the way home in the car. And by the time I've dropped off my suitcase, we've exhausted all conversation, and that's when I realize I've got a whole week left with nothing to look forward to but Dad telling the story of how he once shared a cigar with Winston Churchill during the blackouts. He thinks!
Frasier: Well, it sounds like an easy decision, Daphne. Hasta luego.
Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, why is it so easy to love our families, yet so hard to like them?
Frasier: Well, Daphne, that is one of those questions that make life so rich ... and psychiatrists richer.
Daphne: Well, maybe I'll just go call a travel agent, see which guilt trip is more expensive.

Frasier: [on the tape] Good afternoon, Seattle. My name is Dr. Frasier Crane. If you can feel, I can heal.
Frasier: Fasten your seat belt, Eddie. It's going to be a bumpy ride.