Niles: When you think about it, our only mistake today was trying to fix that toilet ourselves.
Frasier: Yes, we tampered with the natural order of things.
Niles: But now, order has been restored. By hiring a plumber, that plumber can now afford, say, a Dolly Parton album. Miss Parton can then finance a national tour which will, of course, come to Seattle, allowing some local promoter to make enough money to send his cross-dressing teenage son to us for $150-an-hour therapy.
Frasier: To the circle of life.

Danny: No, I'm sorry. I just don't remember you.
Niles: Well, perhaps you'll remember third period gym class. You used to make me wear my jockstrap like a tiara?
Danny: Oh, yeah! Were you the kid who used to carry his gym shorts in an attaché case?
Niles: It was a valise.
Danny: I remember you. Boy, those were some crazy times. You ever see any of the old gang?
Niles: Look, you're missing the point. I was severely scarred by those experiences.
Danny: Hey, wait a minute. I can't defend everything I did back in junior high, I mean who can? But let's face it, when you show up at school wearing a tweed blazer with elbow patches and carrying a valise, I mean, I think the guilt here is fifty-fifty.

Daphne: Eddie?! Let's go for another walk.
Martin: I thought you already walked him this morning?
Daphne: I did, twice.
Martin: He's gotta go again?
Daphne: No, actually I do. That didn't sound right. There's a very nice-looking gentleman who plays frisbee in the park with his Labrador. Eddie and I are hoping to run into them again. Come on, Eddie. He's just playing hard to get.
Frasier: I'm glad somebody is.

Niles: [on the phone] Maris, I'm afraid I'll be delayed a few hours. Frasier and I have taken it upon ourselves to tackle a home repair. Yes, I'm working with my hands. Yes, I've worked up a bit of a sweat. I suppose I could take my shirt off.
Frasier: Niles, what are you doing?
Niles: She seems to be getting aroused at my attempt at manual labor. [on phone] Maris, I'm holding some sort of wrench.
Frasier: [taking the phone] Give me that! [on phone] Hello, Maris? Maris, Niles is busy now. No, never mind what I'm wearing.

Martin: Hey, Frasier, how about fixing that toilet of yours? It keeps running all the time, the noise is driving me crazy.
Frasier: All right, Dad. I'll call a plumber.
Martin: What do you mean, "Call a plumber?" You've got two hands, fix it yourself.
Frasier: Dad, I am a doctor. I have more important things to do with my life than to fix a toilet. Hello, Niles.
Niles: Good news, Frasier. I pulled some strings with the spa, and they're squeezing us in for a salt glow with our Swedish massage.
Frasier: Fabulous!
Martin: Ah, forget about a plumber, I'll do it myself. My manicurist cancelled on me.

Martin: I'll bet you don't even have any tools around here.
Frasier: Oh, well, that's where you're wrong. Let me show you something, mister. Here-
Frasier: See this? Every possible tool for every possible need. Got this from Hammacher-Schlemmer.
Niles: Is that turquoise inlay?
Frasier: Yes, it also comes in ebony and onyx.
Niles: Onyx. Onyx is so showy. I don't think-
Frasier: Oh, I don't think so. I love onyx, onyx is a stone that resonates within me...

Frasier: We could borrow some tools and fix it ourselves. It would be good practical experience, and it would shut Dad up.
Niles: We'll show him we're made of tougher stuff than he thinks!
Frasier: Exactly.
Niles: And it's early. We can let the Eucalyptus wrap be our reward.

Frasier: Niles, get a hold of yourself! Stop it! Stop, stop. It's all right. You're no longer an awkward teenager, you're a renowned psychiatrist. Danny Kreizel may have won a battle or two back in junior high, but that's where he peaked. You won the war. You know the expression, "Living well is the best revenge"?
Niles: It's a wonderful expression. I just don't know how true it is. You don't see it turning up in a lot of opera plots. "Ludwig, maddened by the poisoning of his entire family, wreaks vengeance on Gunther in the third act by living well."
Frasier: All right, Niles.
Niles: "Whereupon Wotan, upon discovering his deception, wreaks vengeance on Gunther in the third act
again by living even better than the Duke."
Frasier: Oh, all right!

[Frasier and Daphne observe Niles violently gesturing as he paces back and forth on the balcony]
Daphne: What's Dr. Crane doing?
Frasier: He's a little frustrated because I wouldn't let him do something. He's taking his anger out on my ficus.
Daphne: I've never seen him so angry, he's like a madman.
[Niles' arm waving gets more extreme. Frasier lets him back in]
Niles: Good Lord! There's a bee out there the size of a wood finch!

Danny: Thanks. This has just been terrific for me.
Niles: I can't take all the credit. Half the thanks belongs to my brother. He convinced me a civilized person can work anything out, as long as he approach it in a calm, rational manner.
[Frasier runs out into the living room, heading for the hallway]
Frasier: Run, Niles, run! The beast is loose!
[Billy follows with wet hair and a soaked t-shirt]