Kenny: Just hear me out. Look, I need a favor but before I tell you what it is, I want you to look at this.
Frasier: "KACL Psychographics."
Kenny: We hired a firm to sift through the program data and give us a kind of profile on each show's average listener.
Frasier: All right, let's see. Gil's average listener is a woman, mid-30's, well-educated, hmmm... What about my average listener. Who is she?
Kenny: Well, actually, uh, she's an older gentleman who likes to keep the radio on for company.
Roz: Ouch.
Kenny: Oh, and Roz, it seems a number of listeners think you're a man.

Kenny: Hey, guys. Uh, Doc, you got a minute? There's someone I want you to meet.
Kirby: Oh, dude, that's Emily Crowther, one of the nimrods from Teen Scene. You're not going to do that show, are you? Those guys go to my old high school. A bunch of losers.
Kenny: For your information, Kirb... Hey, I thought you were at the doctor.
Kirby: I was. Uh, he says everything is fine. He also said I probably shouldn't come in tomorrow until about 11:30.
Kenny: How dumb do you think I am? You will show up first thing tomorrow morning, after your Meals on Wheels delivery.

Roz: First of all, enough with the earrings. Everything doesn't have to be so fancy. Don't get me wrong. Jewelry is terrific, but sometimes a woman likes to know that you're paying attention. Mix it up a little. Do something crazy. I mean, totally out there.
Niles: Are you talking about scarves?

Roz: Okay, let me give you an example. When I was 20, my boyfriend stole a "Doyle's Pub" sign for me. We were drunk and we saw it, and he said "Hey, that's your name on that sign. You should have it." It was spontaneous, and a little dangerous. And very romantic.
Niles: Spontaneous and dangerous... Thanks, Roz. You've given me something to mull over during my herbal wrap.

Emily: I agree with you, sir. The difference between valedictorian and salutatorian is largely arbitrary.
Frasier: Thank you, Emily. I didn't mean to go on like that, but... the wound is still raw.

Frasier: You know, you may be surprised to learn that it was not so very many years ago when I myself occupied those tough years 'twixt 12 and 20.

Trent: Tonight, we're talking to Dr. Frasier Crane, a man who knows what makes us tick. But what do we know about him?
Emily: Dr. Crane, you're a popular psychiatrist and radio personality. What would you say is the secret of your success?
Frasier: I suppose it has something to do with the fact that I am a good listener and have a friendly voice, and I also try to pass along some real psychological insight and advice.
Emily: My research shows that your replies are typically less than five minutes long. Doesn't seem like a lot of time for substantive psychological advice.
Frasier: Yes, well if I believe there's a real problem than I usually refer the caller...
Emily: So, if it's a real problem, you pass the buck.
Frasier: Excuse me?!

Frasier: You know I scarcely see how this line of questioning about my personal life can benefit your listeners.
Emily: Well, Dr. Crane, every day you ask your listeners to blindly trust you. Isn't the public entitled to know a little bit more about that "friendly voice" that seems to have all the answers?
Frasier: Oh. I understand. This isn't about me at all. You see, your combative line of questioning is completely age-appropriate. The challenging of authority, the zeal for truth...
Ryan: Speaking of truth, I have a few questions about your last tax return.

Andy: We're back with more Teen Scene and our special guest, Dr. Frasier Crane.
Trent: Now, Dr. Crane, where were we?
Frasier: I believe we were discussing my competence as a mental health professional. And though it is true that I have suffered several emotional setbacks in my life, if we are to be honest... haven't we all?
Trent: And that's your defense... that we all have problems. [scoffs]
Frasier: Perhaps I can better illustrate my point by reading from a poem entitled, "An Onion for Trisha."
Trent: Where did you get that?
Frasier: "My heart is like an onion, filled with layers of tears. Why, oh, why did you leave me, Trisha?"
Trent: Okay, give me that.
Emily: Trisha Sharpe? You said you never liked her.
Frasier: Ooh, Trent, tough blow! Yes, it seems that youthful relationships are fraught with emotional hazards. Especially in the case of a- a young woman who finds her first love at Math Camp.
Trent: What happened at Math Camp?
Emily: I don't want to talk about it.
Ryan: Uh, Dr. Crane!
Frasier: Yes, Ryan. Or as the boys on the swim team call you-
Ryan: So, do you have any good advice for kids that want to go to college?
Frasier: As a matter of fact, I believe I do.

Frasier: [having taken over "Teen Scene"] In short, caller, there is nothing wrong with you, and you're not going to get sick. But remember, the more frequently you do it, the less special it becomes. I hope that answers your question.