Niles: This is absurd. Why don't we just call Allison up and ask her what she thinks is so strange about us? We can both get her on an extension.
Frasier: Better yet, why don't we just get on a bicycle built for two, ride over there and ask her what's so strange about us.

Niles: You see, she never said odd. We're getting upset over nothing.
Frasier: Nothing? Is there a good end to that sentence? "Personally, I think the whole arrangement is a little..." What? Charming?!

Frasier: You know, Niles, I think I'm going to have a dinner party. Care to co-host?
Niles: What a lovely idea. What's the occasion?
Frasier: I got the idea last night when we bumped into Gene and Hollis Ashby at the symphony, I've always wanted to get to know them better.
Niles: Me too, they're such a charming couple. They remind me of Maris and me when we were happy.
Frasier: Really? I must have been sick that day.

Frasier: Yes, but do you think we spend too much time together?
Martin: What kinds of questions are these? You're close. Lots of brothers are close.
Frasier: Yes, I suppose you're right about that. I mean, the Gershwins, the Wright Brothers.
Niles: I told you we were getting upset over nothing.
Martin: [laughs] Course, then there were the Collyer brothers.
Niles: Collyer brothers?
Martin: Oh, yeah. A couple of nutsos that shared an apartment in New York their whole lives. They even built a maze out of newspapers in there that only they knew how to get through. It collapsed on one of them and the other one just sat there with the dead body until the neighbors complained about the smell. [laughs] Pretty crazy story, huh? You recycle right, Niles?

Martin: What's up?
Frasier: Well actually, after an unusually protracted game of dueling date books, Niles and I have set a mutually acceptable evening for an intime soiree. [blank look from Martin] We're having a dinner party.

Frasier: Dad, you know we wouldn't ask if there was any other date that worked.
Martin: Do you really expect me to give up my game so you can have one of your intime soirees?
Niles: I knew he knew what that meant.

Frasier: [on the phone] Oh, yes, Joaquim can only eat certain foods. Well, yes I'd be glad to accommodate them. Let's see, all right. Rice, beans, jerked beef. Any particular reason? I see. Interesting. Okay. Bye. [hangs up]
Niles: Why is Joaquim on such a strict diet?
Frasier: Because the Joaquim they're bringing to dinner is their foster child. From a tiny village on the Pampas. He speaks no English and he gets nauseated when he eats American food.
Niles: So, he's not the conductor of the Buenos Aires Philharmonic?
Frasier: Oh, you are so that other one!

Roz: Daphne has friends at the British Consulate and they're having a big reception tonight, she has an invitation.
Daphne: Yes, who knows Roz? Maybe you'll meet some English lord who'll make you a Lady. [Daphne and Roz exit]
Niles: I think at this point it would take the actual Lord to make her a lady.

Niles: What about the 11th?
Frasier: No, concert tickets.
Niles: I don't have that marked.
Frasier: Yes, I'm taking a date.
Niles: Well, isn't that nice. [writes] 11th, "expect desperate last minute call from F."

Frasier: Damn. Don't you know it. The only date he's got free is the 11th. Damn those concert tickets.
Niles: Oh, you know who might be available, Tyler Wilkins.
Frasier: Doesn't he work with Cornell?
Niles: Oh, dear God, no. They are mortal enemies. They were catering a seafood banquet when Cornell flew into a rage because Tyler had ordered mahi-mahi instead of ahi. Of course, Tyler blamed it on Cornell's stutter and they haven't spoken since.