Niles: Oh, Frasier, I had a breakthrough today with one of my compulsive gamblers and he gave me two tickets to the racetrack on Saturday. It's a luxury box. I thought you might want to go.
Frasier: I would love to Niles. Why don't you want to use them?
Niles: Well, the jockeys if you must know.
Frasier: What?
Niles: Diminutive, underweight figures in expensive silks wielding riding crops. It just reminded me too much of Maris.

Martin: Well you were home late last night.
Frasier: I had dinner with a new friend. Bob.
Martin: Oh, that's right. Have a good time?
Frasier: Hardly. The man talks endlessly on subjects that are of no interest to anyone but him.
Martin: Gee. I can't imagine what that's like.

Frasier: So why is it we have so much trouble making friends? Is it because we've become closed off? No longer want to reach out to our fellow man? Well, I'd like to think that if one of you listeners out there happened to see me on the street you'd feel free to walk right on up to me and-
Roz: Excuse me, Dr. Crane, we have to stop for a very important public service announcement. ... Have you lost your mind? You're opening yourself up to every creep out there.
Frasier: Oh, Roz, that's exactly the kind of cynicism I'm talking about. I, for one, happen to believe in the kindness of strangers.
Roz: Well I believe in the strangeness of strangers.

Daphne: If you don't like this man why did you have dinner with him?
Frasier: Well, I was going to tell him that I didn't want to see him anymore but, you see, it's a bit more delicate than just that. The problem is he's- He's in a wheel chair.
Daphne: So what? If you don't like him, you don't like him.
Frasier: Well, I know that. It's just that I'd hate to have him think it was just because of the chair.
Daphne: I have worked with the disabled for over 10 years now. And if there's one thing I've learned they don't want special treatment.
Martin: [coming from the kitchen] Oh, I forgot to bring in the paper. Daphne would you get it? My leg's just aching and throbbing.

Daphne: What about someone from your wine club?
Frasier: Oh, well, truth be told, Daphne, those people are insufferable bores unless they have a glass in their hands. Sherry, Niles?

Frasier: Oh, I know. How about Ed O'Hanlon?
Niles: Uh, moved away last year.
Frasier: Ooh, ooh. How about Edmund Kelly? If I know old Ed he'd never leave Seattle.
Niles: Indeed not. They buried him here three years ago.
Frasier: Dear me. Really? Well, I'll miss him.
Niles: Yes. Three years from now when you think of him again there'll be a void.

Frasier: What exactly is your point, Dad? That I've lost my knack for making friends?
Martin: Well, I hate to bring it up, but you never were very good at it. It was always you and Niles, ever since you were kids. The two of you always holed up in that damned garage, at least until you burned it down.
Daphne: You burned down the garage?
Niles: Well, between Frasier and his Bunsen burner and me and my mosquito repellent, in retrospect it was unavoidable.

Frasier: Still, you know Dad, I did have friends in college and back in Boston. It's only since I moved to Seattle that I've started falling back on Niles.
Niles: Ooh. "Falling back on Niles"?
Frasier: Niles, you know what I mean. Settling for what's comfortable and familiar. My God, you and I can go out together and I know what you're thinking before you even say it.
Niles: Well then I'm sorry you had to hear that Frasier.

Frasier: Hi, we're back with the topic of friendship. Now let's go to the switchboard. Roz, who's on line one?
Roz: Good news Dr. Crane. It's Gerard from Stanwood. A new friend.
Frasier: Hello, Gerard. I'm listening.
Gerard: "Well, I called for another reason, Dr. Crane. But what you just said really moved me. I wish more people felt that way."
Frasier: Well, thank you, Gerard. I sense a kindred spirit.
Gerard: "Maybe we could get together some time? Have a beer? Maybe I could, you know, comb your hair?"

Frasier: Well thank you so much for your offer of friendship, George, but I really don't have five thousand dollars to invest in your French fry vending machine. And for the sake of those who do invest, I suggest, sir, that you find a better name than "The Spuddy Buddy". This is Dr. Frasier Crane wishing you all good mental health. I mean that today more than ever.