Frasier Quotes

Frasier

Frasier

After Dr. Frasier Crane returns to his hometown of Seattle to host a radio call-in show, his bachelor lifestyle is turned upside down when his father is forced to move in with him.

Starring: Kelsey Grammer, David Hyde Pierce, John Mahoney, Jane Leeves, Peri Gilpin.
Recurring Actors: Dan Butler, Edward Hibbert, Harriet Sansom Harris, Patrick Kerr, Bebe Neuwirth, Marsha Mason, Tom McGowan, Anthony LaPaglia, Millicent Martin, Wendie Malick.
Original Run: 1993-2004.

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Quote from Martin in Out with Dad

Martin: Yes, that was the day I came out. Lying in that alley, covered with blood, bullet in my hip and I said, "That's it! I'm gay, I like myself and I'm not living a lie anymore."
Edward: I had exactly the same experience when I came out.
[Edward places his hand on Martin's knee. Martin's eyes bug out and he looks to Frasier]
Edward: Not, exactly, perhaps. Yours was a bullet in the hip. For me, it was a Lufthansa steward named Gunther.

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Quote from Frasier in She's the Boss

Frasier: What the hell was that? Was that a gunshot?
Niles: Morning, Frasier. Just getting up?
Frasier: "Just getting up?" Are you out of your mind? A gun just went off in here!
Martin: Niles bought a starter's pistol.
Niles: And there's no need to get snippy. Accidents happen, you know.
Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry. Was I snippy? I didn't realize it was too much to ask that there not be gunplay in my living room!

Quote from Frasier in The Good Son

Niles: Of course, I can't take care of him.
Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Why?
Niles: Because Dad doesn't get along with Maris.
Frasier: Who does?
Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun, except without the warmth.

Quote from Niles in To Tell the Truth

Niles: Well, that's it. It's over. It's over and I've lost. Maris has won. Maris always wins.
Martin: Niles.
Niles: Niles never wins! Niles always loses! That's why Niles lives at the Shangri-La and drives a hatchback!

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Quote from Niles in Desperately Seeking Closure

Customer: Half caff latte, please.
Waiter #1: Half caff latte!
Waiter #2: Half caff latte!
Waiter #3: Half caff latte!
Niles: I rather like this new system, it's lively.
Waiter #1: Well, it's more efficient. What can I get for you?
Niles: I'll have a double, short, low-fat, no-foam latte.
Waiter #1: Double, short, low-fat, no-foam latte!
Waiter #2: Double, short, non-fat, low-foam latte!
Waiter #3: Double, short, non-fat, low-foam latte!
Niles: Excuse me, I think there was a problem in the chain of command. The middle person reversed part of it. She said, "A double, short, non-fat, low-foam latte".
Waiter #1: Double, short, non-fat, low-foam latte!
Waiter #2: Double, short, non-fat, low-foam latte!
Waiter #3: Double, short, non-fat, no-foam latte!
Niles: No, no, no. You did it again, that's not what I want.
Waiter #1: Well, you can tell her yourself.
Niles: All right, I'll have a double, short, low-fat, no-foam latte.
Waiter #2: Double short, low-fat, no-foam latte.
Waiter #3: Double short, low-fat, no-foam latte. Nutmeg?
Waiter #2: Nutmeg?
Waiter #1: Nutmeg?
Niles: No thanks. It inflames my stomach lining.
Waiter #1: Inflames his stomach lining!
Waiter #2: Inflames his stomach lining!
Waiter #3: Inflames his stomach lining!
Niles: Stop that!

Quote from Frasier in Voyage of the Damned

Roz: I like this opening joke you wrote, it's very funny.
Frasier: Thank you. I can't take all the credit, actually. I had a patty melt with Giggles before his show.

Quote from Frasier in Radio Wars

Niles: Frasier, what do you put in your bath water?
Frasier: You know very well it's a proprietary blend, Niles.
Niles: No, no, no. It's your super. There's something corroding the pipes in the unit below you. He thinks it may be something in your tub.
Frasier: [on the phone] Hello, yes, I'm sure it's not my fault but if you insist, I use... [waits for Niles to exit] ...jasmine, lavender, rose hips and a little Tahitian Vanilla.
Chicken: Yeah, well, that sounds okay. Boy, with a bath like that I bet the ladies sure go for you though, huh?
Frasier: Yes, well, love does enter through the nose.
Chicken: Hey, you know, the neighbors down here have been complaining about a little sound bleed-through. I think we got a bad tile. I sure would like to check it. I heard you sing into the phone earlier. You think you could, I don't know, do it again?
Frasier: All right. [Frasier starts singing "I'm in the Mood for Love" again]