Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Mario’ Quotes

New Girl: Mario

706. Mario

Aired May 8, 2018

As Nick plans to finally pop the question, Jess is excited to adopt a dog. Schmidt and Cece plan to get some couple's time away from Ruth. Meanwhile, Winston tries out glasses which allow him to see color for the first time.

Quote from Cece

Schmidt: How can I survive another nine months of pregnant Cece? She was so mean to me.
[flashback:]
Schmidt: I got your wings, my love.
Cece: I wanted all flats, no drumlets! Do they look flat to you?! [muffled grunting] Do they look flat to you?!
[present:]
Schmidt: She tried to jam the business end of a drumlet straight up my tuchus. And then things got worse. I can only describe what I experienced next as... anti-Semitic.
[flashback:]
Cece: Hey, gefilte face! Quit playing "Where's My Foreskin?" and get in here and rub my feet before I divorce your Yentl-loving, Ashkenazi ass!

Rate

Quote from Cece

Cece: Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I was a little bit moody while I was creating life with my body. Aly, can you believe this?
Aly: Well...
Cece: Well?
Aly: Okay, d-don't be mad, but I have never, ever seen anyone be pregnant the way that you were pregnant. So much so that, for evidence, I decided to capture it on my phone.
Cece: [on phone video] What genius got us a Jolly Jumper? Who got us the Jol... Okay, Vandana Auntie, way to go. You see, we already have a Jolly Jumper. So put the tuna salad down. Put it down! Tuna salad is for people who use the registry. Boo! Everybody boo. Why are you not booing?!

Quote from Cece

Schmidt: Even after seeing all those videos, I still want to have another baby with you more than anything else in the whole wide world.
Cece: Me, too, more than anything. Things are gonna be so different this time.
Schmidt: I'm gonna give you so much space.
Cece: I'm gonna be so pro-Semitic, that little beanie you wear on the top of your head is gonna spin.
Schmidt: Feels like a rough start, but I appreciate the effort. Let's go to the hotel.

Quote from Winston

Aly: I got you some stuff.
Winston: Oh, my gosh, you didn't... Will you look at this? Puzzles, a book on subway graffiti. Candy? Mm-hmm. Wait a minute. Baby, candy is different colors?
Aly: That's what I've been trying to tell to you. Everything is different colors.
Winston: Well, I'll see you on the other side. [gasps] [laughs] Oh, my God. Baby. Mm. Nobody told me fruit was different colors!
Aly: I thought you knew.
Winston: I didn't know about fruit, baby!

Quote from Winston

Winston: Guys, this has been fun, but... it's time to go start my pre-date regimen. [sings to "Party Rock Anthem"] Body wash is in the house tonight!
Schmidt: Ugh, that jacket! What are you and Aly doing tonight... going to a Sinbad stand-up special?
Winston: I'm gonna go pick up my colorblind glasses from USC. I'm a part of a study. Now, these glasses allow a colorblind person to see color. If they don't work, I get $25. If they do work, they're gonna take a bunch of my bone marrow.

Quote from Cece

Cece: Sx date! We are having sex tonight out of our daughter's earshot.
Aly: Okay.
Jess: Tell me, in the realm of Cece and Schmidt sex-capades, like, how far out are you going? Are you, like, crossing state lines or...?
Cece: No. Tonight, we are actually gonna keep it simple.
[meanwhile, at the bar:]
Schmidt: I have made extremely elaborate plans. I've lined up a babysitter, booked a hotel room, commissioned a new negligee, custom-made by a Japanese man that I found on EtsyXXX. I can't wait for Cece to see me in it.
Winston: What?
[cut back:]
Cece: I think that he bought me some sort of Japanese negligee. [laughter] I know. I found it, like, hidden in the back of the closet. I'm gonna need a team of people to get me into that.

Quote from Nick

Nick: Everything changes tonight. I'm asking Jess to marry me.
Winston: Wow. [whoops] Ha!
Nick: Tonight.
Schmidt: Well, it's about time. You've been talking about this for a month.
Nick: I don't need this from you. I get it enough from Jess's dad. Bob called me nine times today to tell me that his blessing expires at midnight. [Winston whistles] He said if I miss the deadline, my buttocks are gravy. Guy's got some weird expressions.

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: Why would you wait till the last minute for something like this?
Nick: 'Cause everything has to be perfect; Jess is gonna think about this moment for the rest of our lives. I almost asked her at the park, but a squirrel ran off with our ring. Don't worry, I got the ring back, but let me just say this, the squirrel will never do that again. And then I got us on the kiss cam at Dodger Stadium. That's where I was gonna ask, but once we got on the scoreboard, I just went for the laugh and I kissed the old guy next to me.
Winston: Anything's funny when you put an old man in it. Except for the ground.

Quote from Winston

Winston: And to us going on dates at the same time... [Nick laughs] ...leading to a high probability that we'll all be doing it at the same time.
Nick: I'm not cheersing that, man. Stop.
Schmidt: I think it's nice.
Winston: Yeah, it'll be like one big orgy, but, you know, we're spaced out.
Schmidt: Never mind. I retract my support.

Quote from Winston

Winston: I'm touching purple.
Aly: Oh, don't cry. No, don't cry, baby.
Winston: [crying] [gasps] Are my socks blue? Blue.
Aly: Your socks are blue.
Winston: I hate blue so much!
Aly: Calm down, baby. Okay. Okay.
Winston: Aah! Some more blue! Get that...
Aly: Just calm down. Do you want me to find you something brown to look at? Would that be soothing?
Winston: I just think I need to... I just need to take it slow.
Aly: I am right here with you. Why don't we go sit on the couch?
Winston: Baby, what color is that couch gonna be?
Aly: Oh, don't make that a whole thing.
Winston: [screaming] Oh, I did not solve this Rubik's Cube.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Help yourself to anything... within reason. You may think to yourself, "Oh, they have a lot of expensive cheeses. They won't notice." We will notice.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: I knew this day would come, but... just thought I had more time.
Winston: Schmidt, you're being crazy, man. Just go talk to your wife about this.
Schmidt: I can't do that. My only option is to knock her up and then disappear into the night. I'm gonna need you and Nick to take care of my family while I'm in hiding.

Quote from Schmidt

Cece: I honestly don't remember that.
Schmidt: Oh, it's okay, Cecilia. Also, thanks for having my back, Aly.
Aly: Whoa. I do not have your back. Yeah, I've also never seen someone pregnant the way you were pregnant. You were a coddling, blubbering mess.
Schmidt: [on phone video] Aly, come closer, I want you to capture the luminescence of Cece's hair.
Cece: Shut up and keep brushing.
Schmidt: You are a lifemaker. You have the jewel of life inside of you. Cece, what do you need? I'll get you anything you need. You'll never have to move again.
Schmidt: That was hard for me to watch. Uh, I was unbearable.
Cece: Yeah, we both were.

Quote from Nick

Jess: So in your vision of the future, we break up, you get to take Mario, and I'm left alone with some poop bags?
Nick: What are poop bags?
Jess: They're the bags that you put the dog's poop in.
Nick: Why would you put dog poo in bags, Jess?

Quote from Winston

Winston: No, I can't go out looking like this. I can't stay in looking like this.
Aly: Uh...
Winston: What?! No! You seeing this?! I ain't got no sense of fashion. You weren't gonna tell me?
Aly: I did, many times.
Winston: Then why didn't you leave me?!
Aly: I did, when you bought those banana-yellow bird pants, but I came back because I love you just a little more than I hate those pants. [Winston chuckles] Why-why are you taking them off?
Winston: I just missed seeing your face with my own eyes. Look, I know there's a lot of beautiful things that I have not seen, but nothing in this world will make me take my eyes off of you.
Aly: Why are you so... sweet to me? [Winston chuckles] Mm. But we only have these for a few more hours, and I want you to see as much as you can, babe. All right, what's next?
Winston: I want to see some classic movies in color: Citizen Kane, Schindler's List...
Aly: Ooh, I got bad news for you. [chuckles]

Quote from Nick

Jess: Mario. I am so mad at you, but I love you.
Nick: I mean, first you're running away from us, now you're happy to see us. You are all over the map, Mario Day-Miller. [phone ringing] I got to grab that.
Jess: Is that my dad?
Nick: Yes, yeah, your dad... He, uh... he calls me every time he... he meets somebody from Chicago. I mean, he'll ask me, he'll go, "Do you know Tim from Chicago? 'Cause he doesn't know you." And then I just say "No," and then, yeah.
Jess: That doesn't make any sense. My dad doesn't even like you.
Nick: Well, that's what happens... Whatever. Who cares?
Jess: Wait. Beso's where we went on our first date.
Nick: Did we? I'm restaurant blind. I don't remember restaurants. Okay, now, we got to get Mario back home before Judith remembers she wants to take him back. Let's go! Let's go!
Jess: Wait. [gasps] Sweat back! Nick, you're lying to me. Oh, my God. Nick, this dinner... were you gonna...?
Nick: Jess, I had been planning this for so long. I just wanted everything to be perfect. But it is perfect. I mean, it's us, so this is as perfect as it gets.
Nick: Okay.

Quote from Jess

Nick: [sighs] Jessica Day... [Jess laughs] ...will you marry me?
Jess: Nick, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to raise this dog with you, and I want to have babies and eat good food and laugh and take care of each other. And I want it to start tonight. It's you and me. It's... It's always been you and me.
Nick: Is that a "yes"?
Jess: Yes!
Nick: Yes! She said yes!

Quote from Bob Day

Jess: [on video call] Dad, I said yes!
Nick: I did it, Bob.
Bob Day: Oh, I don't know why you spent so much of the story talking about that color-blind friend of yours, but I'm so happy!
Jess: Dad, can you lean away? You're blowing out the speaker. [Bob sobbing] Dad, are you okay? His reaction doesn't bode well for the speech at the wedding.
Bob Day: What do you mean?


 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  Select another episode