‘The Apartment’
Season 5, Episode 11 - Aired March 15, 2016
Jess is looking forward to a fun night with Cece, who is about to leave her apartment and move into the loft, until she learns Cece hasn't started packing yet. Meanwhile, Winston's feelings for Aly prompt him to ask for a new partner.
Quote from Winston
Winston: Oh... new partner's here. Guys, as they say, when one chapter ends, a bridge appears, and then you cross that bridge and make lemonade out of a molehill.
Nick: Okay.
Quote from Aly
Aly: Screw you. Here's your crap: lucky crystal, key chain fart marker, over a hundred yogurt tops, your flattened penny collection, a signed copy of a Paul Reiser biography, baby carrot thumb drive, a picture of you and Dave Coulier, loose Pez, my mom's cell number, a ticket stub from Urinetown. When did you even see that? [holds novelty glasses] Why? Why?
Winston: Oh, have you... Have you tried 'em on?
Aly: Oh, and your Pure Mood CD. This thing makes me want to swim into a boat motor.
Quote from Nick
Nick: Me neither. I pick up all my deliveries at the port.
Schmidt: The what? At the port?
Nick: Yeah.
Schmidt: What are you doing at the port?
Nick: Picking up my deliveries. Listen.
Schmidt: You drive all the way down to the port?
Nick: Yes.
Quote from Nick
Nick: It's not a big deal. I've been flashed by, like, seven or eight different people since college.
Schmidt: What?
Nick: You guys have been flashed?
Winston: No.
Schmidt: Never.
Nick: Everybody's been flashed countless times, right?
Winston: No.
Nick: Oh, it's just me who's been flashed about 300 times?
Schmidt: What?
Nick: You guys have never been flashed?
Winston: No.
Schmidt: Never.
Nick: Not even on, like, holidays?
Both: No!
Nick: Not even, like, after the Olympics?
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: [answers phone] A voice call, Jess? Let me guess, a family of ducks is crossing the street.
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: Well, it's not mine. I only buy local. Except, of course, for clothing and produce. Medication, water, seasoning, meat.
Quote from Winston
Winston: [on the phone] New partner is working out great, man. You know, we have a lot in common. Both have cats, both partially blind... me, color, him, night.
Schmidt: Well, that sounds dangerous.
Quote from Winston
Winston: Okay, well, it's too small to be a cat hotel and it's too big to be pants. So it's not mine.
Quote from Cece
Cece: Keep or toss, keep or toss.
Jess: Cece, that sweatshirt has a wine stain on it and an off-brand Looney Tunes character. George Bunny? Who the hell is that?
Cece: You're right. Keep.
Jess: Toss!
Cece: No, keep, keep!
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: [on the phone] Winston, listen to me. We have some very serious police business here. The bar has a flasher. A strange man is regularly showing Nick his funky soup bone.