Quote from Homecoming
Cece: Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Cece Schmidt. So if any of you have anything else you'd like to say to my husband, I will drag you outside and we will handle this L.A. style. I will take you to the corner of Fairfax and La Brea. [crowd booing]
Winston: Those are parallel streets.
Nick: I'm not telling her that.
Louise: That's my daughter! We have to leave. Where's my car?
Jess: Even though your car is definitely here, it's a beautiful night... let's walk.
Winston: Okay, look, she clearly did something weird with your car, but I got something. Trust us.
Cece: Sepulveda! La Cienega, bitches. El Matador beach.
Schmidt: You're just naming places in Southern California.
Cece: Nickel Canyon!
Quote from Mario
Schmidt: How can I survive another nine months of pregnant Cece? She was so mean to me.
Schmidt: I got your wings, my love.
Cece: I wanted all flats, no drumlets! Do they look flat to you?! [muffled grunting] Do they look flat to you?!
Schmidt: She tried to jam the business end of a drumlet straight up my tuchus. And then things got worse. I can only describe what I experienced next as... anti-Semitic.
Cece: Hey, gefilte face! Quit playing "Where's My Foreskin?" and get in here and rub my feet before I divorce your Yentl-loving, Ashkenazi ass!
Quote from Kids
Jess: But you're using birth control, right?
Cece: Yeah, of course. It's just that Schmidt gets so athletic that birth control becomes like one of those plastic barbecue covers in a hurricane.
Jess: I didn't want to know that.
Quote from Background Check
Cece: It was Mark-Paul Gosselaar.
Schmidt: What? You... you were... you were with Zack Morris?
Schmidt: Guy's a frigging god. I mean, all right. I've... I surrender. That's awes... Can I come to the wedding? [Cece laughs] You think Slater and Screech are gonna be there?
Cece: [laughing] I'm kidding. I just wanted to see you freak out.
Schmidt: You really had me going there for a second.
Cece: [laughs] It works every time with you. It's amazing. Now...
Schmidt: There was a real second there where I had bad feelings towards Mark-Paul Gosselaar, and I didn't like any moment of that. How dare you. Don't ever do that to me again.
Quote from Jury Duty
Jess: [on the phone] Guys, I need to go in right now. What do I do?
Nick: Whatever the trial's about, I say I don't believe in it.
Cece: Just tell them that your parents are Pakistani militants. That's what I do; works every time. Yeah.
Nick: Why'd you have an accent when you said "Pakistani"?
Cece: Because that's actually how you pronounce it.
Quote from Jaipur Aviv
Schmidt: Cece, this is the hardest thing that I've ever had to say to you. I had always assumed that when you got serious about interior design, I was going to love your ideas. Because I love you. I hate your ideas. I hate them almost as much as I love you, which is so much.
Cece: I have to stop you right there. I appreciate the fact that you are a very dramatic man, but the next time you start a conversation with, "This is the hardest thing that I have ever had to say to you," it better end with, "I'm gay now," "I found a lump in my nut," or, "He came out of nowhere, help me get the blood off of my car."
Schmidt: I can't live in a house that you don't love. And I also can't live in a house of horrors!
Cece: Thank you for taking my note about being dramatic.
Quote from Clean Break
Cece: Hey, um... so, I was, I was on the top of this mountain, and I finally got cell reception and there were, like, 20 voice mails from...
Schmidt: Are you in love with me? Because I'm in love with you. Deeply. But I assumed that you would never because I've... I've messed this up so many times. And you've made it very clear that you just want to be friends with me and I value that friendship so much. So if I'm ruining it by doing any of this, please, please stop me!
Cece: Schmidt. I'm in... I'm in love with you.
Cece: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of stupid how much I'm in love with you. You should've seen how fast I came down that mountain. I mean, a lot of it was falling. Luckily, the ground just stopped me, but...
Quote from Jaipur Aviv
Cece: You know what, every compromise doesn't have to be 50-50. I've been looking at cabinets online. They all look exactly the same to me.
Schmidt: No, they don't.
Cece: They really do. Birch, walnut, mahogany, fiberglass, stainless steel.
Schmidt: You can't tell the difference between metal and wood?
Quote from Ready
Cece: Donovan, these terms are unacceptable. He's really screwing you.
Cece: You know what? I'm gonna get on the phone with him, because if we start treating our attractive people like this, our society is gonna collapse.
Quote from Quick Hardening Caulk
Winston: What are you doing here?
Cece: He left me a voicemail from the ambulance. He was rambling a lot, but I brought him this.
Winston: Whoa, where'd you get that?
Cece: You know, one of the perks of being a model. You get to meet a lot of sketchy people. The guy who got me this also said he could get me a box of dolphin steaks or a mostly white baby.