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‘The Hike’ Quotes

New Girl: The Hike

614. The Hike

Aired January 24, 2017

Jess and Robby go on a romantic hike together. Meanwhile, Schmidt and Cece host a dinner party for Winston to meet Aly's family.

Quote from Jess

Jess: We're lost. Why did you let me chase a waterfall? You know what TLC says.

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Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Look at them. I feel like Andie MacDowell in Multiplicity, living in a house filled with clones.
Cece: It is the second time this week you've compared yourself to Andie MacDowell. It's weird.

Quote from Aly

Aly: How should I be, huh? Like you? [mocking] "Oh, my God, look at me, I'm Leslie. I wear holiday socks in the summer. I follow Ariana Grande around like she was the Grateful Dead."
Leslie: [mocking] "Oh, I'm Aly. I went to Quantico and I got a disease, and I can't be around people!"
Aly: Do you mean "quarantine"?

Quote from Winston

Winston: Hello. I am Winston Bishop. I'm Aly's boyfriend. Please, if you will, I want to, uh, say a few words to my girlfriend.
Schmidt: He's standing on the furniture.
Cece: Just relax, okay? Help is on the way.
Winston: Aly, I wanted you to feel special tonight because... I'm wild about you. Maybe things didn't go perfectly, but damn it, don't be embarrassed to be crazy in front of me. Okay? I am the king of crazy. [Aly chuckles] I have inside jokes with my cat. I am a member of the Puzzling Guild of North America. I shave my face cold, and I brush my teeth hot.

Quote from Schmidt

Jess: Time to hit the sack.
Cece: It's 6:30. Babies are still awake.
Jess & Robby: Not this baby. [both laugh]
Schmidt: I feel like I've lived through this before. I'm like Andie MacDowell in Groundhog Day.
Nick: Are you kidding me?
Cece: Stop! Just please stop.

Quote from Jess

Jess: Did you ever go to one of those big Wallingford family cookouts?
Robby: Just one, in '92. I remember they had a really competitive three-legged race, and they paired me up with a little boy who had a helmet on. His skin was so translucent, it was like he was a jellyfish.
Jess: Did he play an imaginary trombone?
Robby: Yeah. He kept saying, "It's better to be safe than speedy."
Jess: That was me!
Robby: Oh, my God.
Jess: That was me! Oh, this is too much. I don't want to die with my cousin-lover in a cave.
Robby: Oh, God.
Jess: Everyone will think we fled here 'cause society wouldn't accept us.

Quote from Nick

Nick: And I saw with my own eyes one day when Winston saved those kids from a burning building, including a little boy. A little boy whose dad left when he was young. Named Wheelchair Timmy. Wheelchair Timmy was a heavyset boy, ginger. Black eyes.

Quote from Nick

Nick: He grabs the kid and the chair, lifts him up above his head, so that the fire doesn't burn this little heavyset boy. That's the power of adrenaline.
Uncle Naseer: And what happened to Timmy?
Nick: Timmy? He's dead.
Aunt Karen: What?
Nick: He's alive. I'm Timmy. Look at me now. Because of Winston, I'm telling you this story.
Uncle Naseer: No, you said your name was Nick.
Nick: I am Nick. I got to go!

Quote from Winston

Winston: Aly and I are finally gonna have the same city in common.
Schmidt: Right on, man.
Winston: [laughs] Lefty's coming home.
Cece & Jess: Lefty?
Winston: Yeah, she's left-footed. I'm throwing Aly a surprise welcome-home dinner. I invited her whole family here, you know. Uh, I wanted her to see all the people she loves, which becomes love for me, you know. And the next thing you know, I'm getting one of those "best boyfriend ever" mugs, which you can buy, I just don't want to do all that. I want to... I want to earn it.

Quote from Schmidt

Cece: I have a better idea. Why don't you throw your thing at our place? Ever since our wedding china came in, we've been dying to host a dinner party.
Winston: Is your house even done yet?
Schmidt: All the party zones are in working order: living room, dining room. The master bedroom has sort of turned into a place where the workers throw all their trash. I think even one of them went to the toilet in there.
Cece: But...
Schmidt: Yes. We'll just lock that door.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Hey. Made a list of rules for our guests. Obviously, no one's wearing shoes inside the house, but what if we put a foot-washing station in the driveway?
Cece: Babe, I was thinking maybe we have no rules. Well, because growing up, all the cool houses didn't have rules, remember?
Schmidt: I was never invited to any of the cool houses. My only friend in high school was my piano teacher,
and then he got that boyfriend with the Trans Am, and I never saw him again.
Cece: I really wish I could travel back in time and give young you a hug.
Schmidt: Yeah, well, young me would've greeted that hug with an immediate collapse in orgasm.

Quote from Schmidt

Cece: There are 30 people out there.
Schmidt: We do not have enough china! Or forks or prawns. You can't ask somebody to split a prawn.
Cece: Babe, I know, all right? But you just need to relax. We will be fine. We can adjust. Just remember, we're chill.
Schmidt: No, you're right. We are totally chill. We'll just break out the backup china! I'll just come in tomorrow morning with a power washer, and hose this whole frickin' place down.
Winston: ["La Cucaracha" doorbell plays] There's Lefty.
Schmidt: By the way, there is no backup china!
Cece: I know, I know, all right.

Quote from Jess

Jess: Ow, my ankle! My beautiful dancer's ankle!

Quote from Winston

Aly: But you really need to know the lay of the land.
Winston: Okay, let me take notes.
Aly: So, my sister is... my sister.
Winston: Mm-hmm.
Aly: Uncle Bill is a real weather nerd. It's super annoying.
Winston: Right, right, right.
Aly: Aunt Karen keeps a free-floating piece of floss in her purse. She will use it tonight. It's revolting.
Winston: Okay. Do me a favor. Hold on. Repeat everything you just said. My thumbprint won't let me in.
Aly: Okay, uh, my sister is-- you met her...
Winston: Ah, wait, yeah, no, no, still not in. Let me get-- wipe my hand off right there. Now we're cooking with gas. [chucles]
Aly: My sister...
Winston: Okay. No, we ain't.

Quote from Winston

Winston: Question: have you guys seen Aly?
Cece: [sighs] What's going on, man?
Winston: She ran off. If I'd known it was gonna be like this, I would've just done the trench coat thing.
Cece: The... what?
Schmidt: What is the trench coat thing?
Winston: It's where I pick her up from the airport naked, wearing nothing but a trench coat.

Quote from Aly

Winston: On one very late and very desperate night, I used Furguson's cat box as my own box. And, yes, it is true what many of you have heard. I once fell asleep in a bathtub! [Aly laughing]
Aly: I love that story. [continues laughing]
Leslie: And then what happened?
Aly: What do you mean, "And then what happened?" He fell asleep in the tub! He was asleep, and then he woke up. [Winston stomping on table]

Quote from Schmidt

Aly: Thank you for not being afraid of me or my family.
Man: Open up. Police!
Schmidt: Who-who called the police?
Cece: I don't know. I guess we better do whatever they say.
Nick: Ugh. Why are you guys acting like you're in a porno?
Jenkins: We got a noise complaint.
Schmidt: The law has spoken, everyone. I guess the party's over. You could just file out through here.
Jenkins: Winston?
Winston: Look who it is.
Jenkins: Hey, Aly, you're back.
Winston: Jenkins, get in here, man! We having a party. What you drinking?
Aly: Hi, Jenkins.
Cece: Wait, what?
Schmidt: Well, you know what, I guess I'm just gonna have to take the law into my own hands. All right, everybody! Shoes off, coasters down!
Cece: This is our house, and our house has rules! Okay? Not a suggestion. Shoes off, let's go!

Quote from Jess

Schmidt: Oh, dear Lord.
Jess: It's not as bad as it looks. I'm really, I'm really clean underneath all this mud.

Quote from Nick

Jess: Is there any food left? I'm so hungry, and all I have is this bag of gross raisins.
Nick: Gross raisins? Are you kidding me? Raisins are the best. I love raisins.
Jess: [laughs] Of course you do.
Nick: Yeah, sometimes I just tuck 'em in my cheek, and I go about my day, so if I ever need
the flavor of raisins, well, I already got it.
Jess: I'm having trouble envisioning what it's like to need the flavor of raisins. But go nuts.
Nick: Go raisins. [laughs] You said, "Go nuts," I said, "Go raisins."


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