Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Backslide’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

New Girl: Backslide

123. Backslide

Aired May 1, 2012

The guys try to keep Jess from backsliding following her break-up from Russell, but their fears turn out to be misplaced. Meanwhile, Cece takes Schmidt to her nana's retirement home, Winston gets his ear pierced, and Nick takes a step forward with Caroline.

Quote from Schmidt

Winston: So you and Cece are staying away from each other.
Schmidt: Only until my penis stops looking like a knotted wizard's staff.

Rate

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Hey, Jess. I brought you some tea. Just gonna leave it right here, okay? There you go. So, Russell... Ouch. Right? I mean, who saw that coming? Not me. Certainly not Russell. I guess, I guess you saw it coming. I mean, 'cause you're the one who broke up with him.
Jess: Leave, Schmidt.
Schmidt: All right, fine. I'll leave. But you know what? Know this: you're not the only one that's hurting here, Jessica Day. The economy stinks, bees are dying, movies are pretty much all sequels now, and I...
Jess: Don't say "broken penis."
Schmidt: ...have a broken penis. Don't pretend to know my pain.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: [moaning] It hurts so bad, because...
Cece: What's turning you on?
Schmidt: Oh...
Cece: The queen of diamonds? The bow?
Schmidt: Oh, my God.
Cece: The teeth in the glass?
Schmidt: I care about you so much.
Cece: The leaf painting?
Schmidt: But...
Cece: Is emotional intimacy turning you on?
Schmidt: [groans]
Cece: Are you in that much pain? Uh, he passed out. We need help!

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Oh, I have a bubbe.
Cece: Uh, my bubbe is in a home.
Schmidt: Yeah. Old people freak me out. With their hands and their legs. Just, they're like the human version of pleated pants.
Cece: Really?
Schmidt: Not for me.

Quote from Nick

Nick: [on TV] Now that I got your attention, Future Nick, there's a few things I'd like to talk to you about. Be nicer to your mom when she calls. [cut] Stop giving yourself high fives. [cut] Put your head underwater, you two-year-old. [cut] Be nicer to Coach, or he's gonna take off, live with a bunch of other white people. [bad accent] I no fake karate. [silly voice] I'm Nick, I'm grumpy. I'm going to put my baby hood on. [cut] Sex is a sprint, not a marathon [sings] You are special, you are special You... [cut] We'll see each other in the future... unless I see you first. Nick Miller!

Quote from Schmidt

Jess: Schmidt, I actually need my phone back.
Schmidt: No.
Jess: I need to call Russell to just tell him I left my pajamas there.
Schmidt: The fact that you were wearing pajamas in the presence of your lover tells me that that relationship was doomed from the start.

Quote from Schmidt

Cece: I don't know what we're supposed to do together any more. Everything seems to turn you on.
[flashback to Schmidt and Cece with binoculars in the loft:]
Schmidt: Oh, look, Cece, a bird. Ow. Ah, damn it!
Cece: Schmidt, it's a mother bird in her nest!
Schmidt: Must I say it, Cece?
Cece: What?
Schmidt: Eggs.
Cece: Okay.

Quote from Schmidt

Jess: I'm gonna end up alone. I'm gonna be a single old lady flashing people on the subway.
Schmidt: Jess, first of all, you're never gonna be old, because humans ... we're gonna be immortal by 2026. And second of all, give me your phone.
Jess: Why?
Schmidt: Do you want to drunkenly call Russell tonight and tell him what a huge mistake you made?
Winston: You don't want to backslide, trust me.
Schmidt: Be quiet. Your life is too perfect to talk to anyone in Jess's condition right now. Look, Jess, backsliding is what happens after a clean break. When you, when you freak out and you go crawling back and you just make everything messy and horrible.
Jess: I'm not gonna do that.
Schmidt: You have backslider written all over you.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Backslider!
Jess: Don't.
Winston: You backslid.
Jess: Come on.
Schmidt: You backslid all the way down the hill and back into the parking lot. Take off your skis and wait for your family in the lodge, Jessica Day.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: These people are disgusting. I've never been more flaccid in my life.
Cece: [laughs]
Nana: Thank God.
Schmidt: I mean, this place is a cardigan gold mine.

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode