Jess: Welcome to our home.
Paul: Thank you. Hey.
Jess: [sings] It ain't so quirky to eat a lot of turkey On this Thanksgiving Day-ay-ay.
Paul: My belly's wanting something A pie made out of pumpkin In every gobble-gobble way-ay-ay. [both snicker; talks] I didn't know you were going back to back. Happy Thanksgiving.
Nick: Oh, my God, there's two of them.

Jess: I just haven't had sex with anyone but Spencer in six years, and I get so nervous. It's like starting a new job with a really weird interview.
Paul: Don't worry about it. I'm good. I'm more than good. It's okay.
Jess: You know what? Tomorrow night. Let's just go out to dinner and then just nail each other. Just pound each other. V-bomb on the P-bomb. [makes explosion noise]
Paul: I would have the... P-bomb, right?

Jess: Los Angeles! [shoes squeaking] We are sluts and we are clowns! But we are not losers!
Cece: We are not losers!
Paul: Yes! No, we're adventurers!
Winston: Shame, shame, I know your name.
Paul: Ah... yo, Nicholas!
Nick: Hey, Genzlinger! I miss you, man! Great shoes!
Paul: Guess what, guys, I'm still here. Take that, Lyme's disease!

Paul: Guy roommates. Three guys. It's intimidating. I gotta be honest, it's intimidating coming to that arena. It's hard to get to know people. It's like Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Bet you're the bear who has the bed that's just right.
Winston: Hmm.
Paul: It's a teacher joke, sorry.
Winston: Okay, here's what we're gonna do, Paul. Um, just so I get to know you a little better and you can know me better. We're gonna play a little game.
Paul: Oh, great. Fun, yeah.
Winston: All right, I'm gonna say something, and you're gonna say the first thing that pops in your head.
Paul: Kazoo.
Winston: Okay, we haven't even started yet.
Paul: Okay. I'm gonna stick with kazoo.
Winston: Right, okay, um, "boundaries."
Paul: Important.
Winston: Okay, um, "other people's stuff."
Paul: Private.
Winston: Good. Uh, "loud early morning sex."
Paul: Nice work if you can get some. [toots kazoo]

Nick: Hey, Paul.
Paul: Hey, Nicholas.
Nick: What's going on, guys? Nicholas, wow.
Paul: Just two dudes playing word-association games, kicking back a couple of pumpkin ales.
Nick: I think that's a lager, right?
Paul: Mm-mm, this is an ale. It has to do with the fermentation process.
Nick: Could be, could be.

Nick: Uh, hey, do you want to watch football, the Lions?
Paul: Ah, yes! The mighty, mighty Lions of Des Moines. They play every Thanksgiving, right, because they're the most ferocious of the teams.
Nick: Lions from Detroit. Detroit Lions.
Paul: That's another...

Paul: Oh, okay. You want me to do... you're doing a voice. You want me to do a voice? Okay, um... Well, I'm so happy to be here! Jimmy Stewart? [as Jimmy Stewart] You look ravishing in your... netting...
Jess: Thank you very much.
Paul: ...contraption.

Paul: You want me to wiggle it around?
Jess: How about you help me get a little more comfortable?
Paul: Oh. Oh, all right, dear. Okay, I just don't know...
Jess: I'm going to try something different.
Paul: Oh. Okay, great.
Jess: [imitates old woman] Young man! Young man, the things I'm gonna do to you!
Paul: Well, I can't wait to...
Jess: Young man, don't take all day.
Paul: Well, I-I understand, ma'am, but you're wearing chain mail here.
Jess: I am not getting any younger.
Paul: It's like an erotic rope course.

Paul: See? So nice. [choking] So nice... Ah, you're hurting me.
Jess: Oh, my God!
Paul: [gasping]
Jess: Oh, God. Are you okay?
Paul: Oh, yeah, I'm good, I'm good! [gasping]
Jess: Let me get you some water.
Paul: Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna get some water at home. I-I have good water at home.
Jess: No, no, no, I have water here.
Paul: I have a filter, it's a special ionized filter... I got at home.

Paul: So, last night was, um...
Jess: No, I'm so sorry.
Paul: No, no, don't, please...
Jess: Unacceptable.
Paul: I'm really intimidated by you, Jess. You're so experienced, and I've never done any of that stuff, that S and M style... bondage stuff. It scares me a little, but I... want to do it, because I know that you're into it. Just please be gentle with me at first, okay? I really like you.
Jess: Really?
Paul: Yeah, I do. And nothing else matters. Except, just... no fire, and no handcuffs, please. Please, please, please. Okay? And I'm allergic to felt. And most polyurethanes. Okay, well, that's it. And no bugs, too, I don't know if that was...