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‘Engram Pattersky’ Quotes

New Girl: Engram Pattersky

708. Engram Pattersky

Aired May 15, 2018

The gang take one last trip down memory lane as Jess and Nick prepare to move out of the loft.

Quote from Winston

Winston: Gotcha! [laughs] Prank Sinatra, baby!
Cece: What?
Schmidt: I don't get it. The truck is the prank? What, did you pay the rental fee? Winston, that's just nice.
Winston: You didn't have to move.
Nick: Yes, we did have to move, you idiot. We got evicted.
Jess: What is he talking about?
Nick: I have no idea.
Winston: Engram Pattersky. If you rearrange those letters, what does it spell?
Jess: "My greatest prank."
Winston: My greatest prank!

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Quote from Cece

Cece: I really miss the old days when I would just drop in every now and then and pick up a suitcase or something.

Quote from Winston

Jess: Wait, are you Engram Pattersky? Winston, you were in the loft when all of the notices slid under the door.
Winston: I had some help.
[flashback to Sadie sliding a flyer under the door:]
Sadie: Thanks for the wedding invite. I work at that hospital.
[flashback to Dr. Foster and Biology Teacher sliding a flyer under the door:]
Both: One, two, three, slide.
Dr. Foster: Winston was right. This was a two-man job.
Biology Teacher: Hell yeah.
[present:]
Jess: But I checked. Everyone's getting evicted. They're turning it into a non-residential space.
Winston: Oh, who did you check with?
Jess: I hope it was someone important.
[flashback:]
Fawn Moscato: [on the phone] Sorry, Jess. Nothing I can do about zoning laws. My hands are tied. [whispers to Winston:] Write the check. [on the phone] Oh. Uh-huh. [to Winston] Add a zero.
Winston: Yeah, okay.

Quote from Winston

Jess: What?! We didn't have to move?
Winston: Hell no! You didn't have to move.
Jess: When did you have time to do all this? You have a baby.
Winston: Well, I got two babies: Dan Bill and this prank.
Nick: This is a really stupid thing you did.
Winston: You should see your face. This is what you look like. [laughs] [imitating Jess] "What?" [laughing] Y'all look so dumb. Look at you, Nick. This is you, Nick.
Nick: [grunts] [shrieks] Okay, it's done. Everybody in the truck. Let's go. We're leaving.

Quote from Jess

Nick: We got an eviction notice. They're kicking us out in 24 hours. Some evil company called Engram Pattersky Management Group bought the building.
Jess: Yeah, they're kicking us out on our... "too-tookuses."
Schmidt: You trying to say "tuchases"?
Jess: "Tuchaseses."
Schmidt: "Tuchas"?
Jess: "Tookases."

Quote from Schmidt

Jess: You guys were just playing along with this? I thought you were just starting to feel something. Wait. Am I the one who's in denial about leaving this place?
Schmidt: Ugh, you sweet, goblin-eyed dum-dum.

Quote from Winston

Winston: You know, I spent six months building the Engram Pattersky website. And you guys didn't even visit the office. What's happening, y'all? So, was the prank too small? You know, I've been guilty of that in the past.
Schmidt: Too big, man. Way too big.
Jess: I don't know. I think it was just right.
All: Too big.
Schmidt: Definitely too big.
Cece: Way too big.
Nick: Ridiculous.

Quote from Schmidt

Jess: I hate to be the bearer of truly terrible news...
Cece: Jess, can you please tell us? I'm so scared.
Jess: You should be. This is... [sighs] this is life-changing stuff. Brace yourselves. Nick and I are... moving out of the loft.
Winston: That's it?
Cece: Okay.
Schmidt: That's what you called us here for? Why do you always think like a character in The Baby-Sitters Club?

Quote from Nick

Jess: ...moving out of the loft.
Schmidt: Okay, if you're moving out tomorrow, why have you not packed yet?
Jess: Don't packing-shame us! We're well on our way.
Nick: We got four boxes right there. I ran out of tape, so I started using glue. We'll see how it holds up.

Quote from Winston

Winston: Cool. Anyway, uh, I'm taking off. Hey, let me know when you have the housewarming for your new place. I'll bring the succulents.
Cece: You never brought us succulents. We love succulents.
Winston: Ah, you got me. I don't know what a succulent is. I just said that so I can get the hell out of here. [ chuckles] But I really do got to get going. It's my turn to nurse the baby.
Schmidt: How does he...
Cece: It's a whole thing.

Quote from Schmidt

Jess: I knew you guys needed to say good-bye. [chuckles] Isn't it amazing how easy it is to do the right thing when you have no other alternative?
Winston: Totally. [chuckles] Like this. Ah, the old loft candy dish. [inhales deeply]
Schmidt: That's the cast from when I broke my pen1s.
Winston: [screams] Shut up!
Schmidt: You know, most people wouldn't want to revisit some of the more painful moments in their lives, but, you know what, Jess, thank you for this, 'cause I do. Thank you.
Jess: Oh, Schmidt, you take that. [Schmidt stammers] You're gonna want it. Honestly, it's your penis. You earned it.

Quote from Jess

Jess: [sings] Who's that girl? Who's that girl? It's your favorite bitch, Jess Hang on to your privates 'cause I'm On emotional fy-ahh [imitates guitar]
Nick: Don't look so surprised, guys. You knew what this was.
Jess: [vocalizing]

Quote from Winston

Winston: Ah, we had some times here. Mmm. I mean this, right here, right where I'm sitting, is the exact spot that I realized: I should have less salt in my diet.
[flashback to Winston alone on the couch:]
Winston: I should have less salt in my diet.
[present:]
Nick: That's beautiful, man. Stay healthy, baby.
Schmidt: Good memories.

Quote from Jess

Jess: Oh, my God. This is the spot, where, for the weirdest minute of my life, I was super attracted to Winston.
Cece: No.
Schmidt: We've all been there.
Winston: It was my swimmer's body.
[flashback:]
Winston: Ooh. Ooh, hey. Yeah, they got me on bike duty today. My hammies need to get into some jammies because they are rock-hard. Yes. [sultry music plays] Oh, yeah. That's good stuff. You feel that? You hear that? Yeah.
[present:]
All: Oh!
Jess: Oh, it went away pretty quick.
[flashback:]
Winston: [shrieks] I tore my anus. I tore my anus. Oh.

Quote from Cece

Cece: I was sitting right here when I first introduced you guys to my hilarious baby voice.
[flashback:]
Cece: Uh-oh, look who just woke up. [high-pitched] I'm a baby. I'm a baby and I need my milkie. Where's my Ba-ba?
Nick: What are you doing?
Winston: Put that baby away.
Schmidt: Babies can't talk. It's inherently flawed.

Quote from Winston

Winston: And right over there is where Cece and I had our first mess around.
Cece: What? Don't tell them.
Winston: It's time for the mess around to become the confess around.

Quote from Nick

Nick: Wow, it's so frickin' creamy.
Schmidt: This is what I've been telling you.
Nick: It's really cool. It actually kind of feels nice. [Jess chuckles] I mean, I got to say, I really like foot lotion.
Schmidt: Thank you.
Nick: They should make more foot lotion for your hand. Foot lotion hand. Or... foot-lotion hand. I don't know. You should use this for elbows. You should use lotion for dry parts of your skin. [chuckles] It's really creamy. For the first time in my life, I realize my feet could be more than weapons.

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: I love you, man.
Nick: Oh, yeah, that's... Well, yeah, man. I, uh...
Jess: [whispering] Is he gonna finally say it?
Schmidt: Guys, don't-don't put any pressure on him.
Nick: No, what? Dude, you're not putting pressure on me. It's something I want to say.
Schmidt: You don't have to say it.
Nick: I don't need to say anything. I want to say it.
Schmidt: You never said it before.
Nick: I love you, man.


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