Jess: Hey, mountain man. You want to come eat some dirty vegetables with us?
Nick: I should've known those beets weren't from nature. Nothing purple grows in nature.

Jess: I'm seeing some interesting things. I'm out of the office till Friday. For immediate assistance, please call Deb at extension A.C. Slater.

Winston: So this is Thanksgiving meal? 96 warm beers?
Nick: We can do this. Guys, we've gotten soft! With our antibiotics and our sports creams. Do you think George Washington had a pet cat?
Winston: Yeah.
Cece: No.
Nick: He didn't. He hunted them.
Jess: What?
Nick: And he made milk and butter out of their spoils.
Jess: That's terrible.
Coach: So you're saying George Washington milked his cat?
Cece: Nothing is sounding accurate right now.
Winston: Not at all.
Schmidt: Where'd you read this?

Winston: I'm not hunting. The only Hunt I want is Bonnie or Helen. You know what I'm talking about, Coach.
Coach: What?
Winston: Nick.

Nick: Where'd you get the cashews?
Jess: Um, on a bush.
Nick: How about the beets?
Jess: Also a bush.
Winston: That's right.
Coach: The avocado?
Jess: Also on a bush.
Nick: Well, look at us. Living off the land, fending for ourselves. We got fish and fruits, and this is probably gonna be the most delicious apple I've ever eaten in my life. "Product of Oregon"?
Jess: We walked to Oregon?
Cece & Winston: What?

Coach: I gotta be real with you.
Nick: Please.
Coach: I know how a guy can get, like, lost in a relationship. I've been there, dude. You're snuggling, you're snuggling, you're snuggling, and then, bam! Next thing you know, you're wearing a jean skirt and a tube top with no panties on, because you guys said you were gonna dress up like each other for Halloween. But she doesn't dress up like you. But you still go to the party.

Jess: Camping on Thanksgiving?
Nick: It might be a crazy Nick idea, but I kind of like it.
Jess: I thought you hated camping and nature. You said you were afraid a fly was gonna fly in your head and learn all your thoughts.
Nick: I am a man, and men belong in wilderness.

Winston: What the hell is on your head, Schmidt?
Schmidt: It's an exact replica of the hat. Viggo Mortensen wore in Hidalgo. Knew you'd like it.

Jess: Yay, I'm so happy you came! We're all together! It makes me so excited.
Cece: Of course! I mean, what could be better than camping in the woods with my ex-boyfriend and his friend I just made out with.
Jess: With whom you just made out.
Cece: Don't. You know I hate that.
Jess: It's very important.
Cece: Don't.
Jess: Grammar's important.
Cece: Seriously, don't.

Cece: Okay, hold on. Do you do you hate camping, too?
Winston: Are you kidding me? I absolutely hate camping.
Cece: Then why are we here?
Winston: Because I didn't get a say. I never get a say. Whenever I want to do something, they don't give a hoot.
[flashback:]
Winston: Guess who just got free passes to a pottery seminar.
Nick: Get out of here.
Schmidt: Winston!
[present:]
Winston: We could've made the craziest mugs, man.