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‘Cece's Boys’ Quotes

New Girl: Cece's Boys

613. Cece's Boys

Aired January 17, 2017

Jess and Reagan scout for new models for Cece's agency. Meanwhile, Schmidt worries about falling out of touch with Nick and Winston once he moves out of the loft.

Quote from Nick

Winston: Wow. Check this out. Coach and May's foreign exchange student just added me as a friend. Montsie. His name is Montsie.
Nick: I didn't know they had a foreign exchange student.
Winston: I didn't know they moved to North Carolina.
Nick: Neither did I. [both laugh]
Schmidt: They moved to North Carol... what? How did none of us know about this? How is that possible?
Nick: Eh, they moved. It happened.
Schmidt: We need to make more of an effort. We don't even know that our friend has moved to a different state.
Winston: I mean, we're still friends. We just have nothing to do with each other.
Schmidt: This doesn't bother you?
Nick: Realistically, we'll probably see 'em two or three more times before we die. And it's sad, but it's also not that sad.
Schmidt: What?
Nick: Who cares? What's for dinner?

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Quote from Schmidt

Winston: Mmm. I really hate these things. I just can't stop eating 'em.
Nick: I got to say, the taste is average, but the aftertaste is outstanding.
Schmidt: What happens when I'm just an outstanding aftertaste?
Nick: Hmm?
Schmidt: When I move out, are you guys gonna forget about me like Coach? This loft is what tethers us together. And once it's gone, we're gonna be spread across the Earth like Rod Stewart's offspring.
Winston: What I'm gonna miss most about you is all this poetry.

Quote from Nick

Nick: I'm out! Like my mother says at every party she goes to, "No one touches my purse."

Quote from Reagan

Reagan: Okay, are you absolutely sure that this is the way to go? Can't we get our hands on, like, a water polo team? Or hire escorts? Or call in a bomb threat to the audition.
Jess: In this political environment? Oh, I'm nervous even saying it.

Quote from Reagan

Reagan: The line between what we're doing and being creepy is so thin.

Quote from Winston

Cece: And this is a huge deal! It's the Sausage Crunchies account!
Reagan: Why would a dog food company be interested in a bunch of hot models?
Cece: Oh, no, it's, uh...
Nick: No, no, no. Sausage Crunchies are people food. They're like brown cheese snacks.
Winston: Yeah, it's like space food. I-I put them in soup.

Quote from Reagan

Jess: You concentrate on Donovan. I'll go see if I can drum up some new clients.
Cece: Very sweet, but the audition is in six hours from now. So we have no time to look for new clients.
Reagan: Well, recruiting is just like sales, I mean selling a job is just like selling drugs. I do that every day.
Cece: Are you offering to help, too?
Reagan: Honestly, I wasn't. But based on how intensely you're staring at me, I guess I've boxed myself into a corner here, so...

Quote from Jess

Jess: Okay. You concentrate on Donovan. We'll get the models. Heads in, guys.
Cece: What?
Reagan: "Heads in"?
Cece: No. It's "hands in."
Jess: I'm pretty sure it's "heads in."
Schmidt: What are we supposed to do? Smoosh our heads together?
Jess: Yeah.
Schmidt: Everybody. Hands in.

Quote from Winston

Schmidt: No, no, no. You know what, do not give up on us already. We just need to find something that keeps us together. Like a dark secret or a time-share.
Nick: You know, it was easier when men went to war. You'd forge an unbreakable bond in a crucible of blood and pain. You can't get that splitting the cost of toilet paper.
Schmidt: We just need to come up with some sort of ritual.
Winston: Yes! Now you're thinking. We stand in a circle, right? We burn chicken bones, all right?
Schmidt: Dear Lord, Winston.
Winston: Then we're just secretive about it.
Nick: This is the wrong ritual...
Winston: I'm just saying no one knows about it.
Schmidt: I didn't literally mean a ritual.

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: I just mean, like, a shared experience, one that bonds us together.
Nick: I've been saying this for the longest time, but I'm really ready to get super weird into metal detectors if you guys are.
Schmidt: That's, sure, that's one idea.
Nick: You can look for treasure. Nickels, dimes, quarters. If you find enough, um, said treasure or change, supplement your income. It's also entertaining. While looking, there's, uh, an endorphin rush. It's entertainment, it's income... uh, ritual.

Quote from Winston

Schmidt: Why don't we get tracksuits and play chess at the park?
Winston: I already got a chess crew.
[flashback to Winston playing chess with a group of old men]
Nick: You do that right outside of the loft?
Winston: Yeah, right outside the loft.
Nick: How have I never seen you once?
Winston: 'Cause you don't go outside of the loft.
Nick: That's just not true.

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: You know... I've always wanted to have a boys spa day. Nick, did you wear your shirt during the massage?
Nick: I did, but no bottoms. It was liberating.
Schmidt: Good for you.

Quote from Winston

Winston: Check this out. These cucumbers are gratis. [laughs] I'm gonna make some pickles.
Schmidt: If you're impressed by a couple of free cucumbers, get ready to have your blind blown, 'cause I signed us up for the elite package.
Winston: Does that mean the pickle's already pickled?

Quote from Jess

Reagan: What about nothing?
Jess: No!
Reagan: Is nothing maybe the right thing to do in this situation?
Jess: We can't bail on Cece. This is her shot. We can't let her become irrelevant like chunky belts, or quoting Borat.

Quote from Nick

Nick: [whispering] So, what are we thinking?
Schmidt: I don't know. Maybe they give you something to bite down on.
Nick: No, I'm talking about leaving!
Schmidt: You're being so dramatic right now.
Nick: I don't think I'm being dramatic. Look, I'll say it now without any drama. I don't want the hairs ripped off my testicles by a stranger. I think they're there for a reason.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: They are trained professionals in there. This isn't gonna be some back-alley sack waxing.
Nick: They have those?
Schmidt: I'm sure they do, but this isn't one of them.
Nick: Who would go to that one?
Schmidt: [sputters] Well, sometimes, in an emergency, you got to do what you got to do.
Nick: What would the emergency ever be?
Schmidt: Nick, this is gonna be like cottage cheese all over again. At first, you're gonna be kicking and screaming, saying that you don't want to try it, but I'm telling you, in the end, you're gonna tell everybody that you meet how much you loved it.
Nick: This is nothing like cottage cheese.
Schmidt: Exactly like cottage cheese.

Quote from Winston

Winston: Guys, I have off-the-charts follicle strength, okay? It'll be a blood bath down there, a real crime scene, so I'm leaning, "No."

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: Wait. Sit. Sit down.You guys don't need to leave. Just a minute ago, you were saying how much you love this place. Just don't get your sack waxed.
Nick: Okay, I don't care how big the park is. If there is a loose bear in it, I'm not going in the park! I'm never going in that park again! I'm never going in again!

Quote from Nick

Reagan: Can I throw out this, uh, soggy bag of cucumbers?
Winston: No! Those are pickles in progress. [groans]
Jess: Um, I don't mean to be mean, but you guys are being real babies about this whole thing.
Nick: [laughs] They don't...
Schmidt: Until you've had your sack waxed, you can't know this pain.
Jess: Excuse me?
Cece: Childbirth?
Reagan: Weekly wax, top to tail.
Nick: We went through hell, and we came out the other side, gentlemen. It was war. Granted, one that took
place in a high end-spa, but still our war.


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