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‘All In’ Quotes

New Girl: All In

301. All In

Aired September 17, 2013

Jess and Nick head to Mexico to start their relationship away from the loft. Meanwhile, Schmidt must decide between Cece and Elizabeth, and Winston starts a puzzle.

Quote from Schmidt

Winston: Schmidt, calm down. What is your problem?
Schmidt: Two women are in love with me. The problem is, is I'm in love with both of them.
Winston: Okay, looks like you're gonna have to choose.
Schmidt: Cece and I, we have this connection. You know, it's physical it's unhealthy. Look, I don't want to get too graphic with you, but I'm not just the plug with her. I'm also a socket.

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Quote from Winston

Schmidt: What about his shoes? Any interest in his shoes?
Winston: Hell no. There's no way you're getting these damn shoes, okay? These are my favorite brown shoes. And besides, this is all your fault, Schmidt.
Jess: Nick's body's being traded like cigarettes right now!
Schmidt: Winston, those shoes are not brown they're green.
Winston: What the hell you talking about, man?
Jess: Those shoes are green.
Winston: You guys are idiots, all right? They're as brown as money.
Jess: What color is Kermit the Frog?
Winston: Brown. It's a brown frog.
Schmidt: Winston, you're color-blind, dude.
Winston: What? I am not color- I am not color-blind.

Quote from Winston

Schmidt: Winston, what can I do for you?
Winston: Don't talk to me that much, never lie to me, and never, ever touch my puzzle.
Schmidt: Winston, do we do we think now is really the right time to be starting a puzzle?
Winston: I'm great at puzzles.
Schmidt: You're a born puzzler, Winston, sure, um, but don't you agree that sometimes, when you start puzzles, you get a little bit weird? And, I don't know, intense? Spend a lot of time humming. Also spend a lot of time naked.
Winston: I'm gonna do you, puzzle! Right on the table. As nasty as you want to be.

Quote from Winston

Schmidt: [to Nick] Winston does not get me at all.
Winston: What?
Schmidt: And, plus, he's color-blind, which basically makes him crippled.
Nick: You're color blind?
Winston: Please, tell me these shoes are brown, right?
Nick: Those shoes are green.
Jess: They're definitely green.
Winston: Okay, you both are crazy. Did you text them and tell them what to say?
Schmidt: Winston! If you think those shoes are brown, what color do you think you are?

Quote from Winston

Border Guard: U. S. citizens? Passports, please.
[Schmidt hands over four passports, including Nick's shredded passport which has been poorly taped back together.]
Border Guard: What is this?
Winston: Sir, my name is Winston Bishop. I'm a color-blind American citizen, and I can't do puzzles. Now let us go home.
Border Guard: It says "Unatered Stites of Amurica."

Quote from Winston

Schmidt: You're upset. As you should be. Oh, but that was great, man.
Winston: How long as this been going on, man?
Schmidt: Four days.
Winston: Four days, and you didn't tell me? Come on, Schmidt! I said, "Don't lie to me."
Schmidt: I'm sorry. All right? I love both of these women and I couldn't decide. I needed to buy some more time.
Winston: Cece thinks I'm wearing her panties right now!
Schmidt: Well, that's on you, man! You freaked out super hard! You-you kidding me? That's so weird. Sewing people's panties into underpants.
Winston: Look, we're not best friends, Schmidt. As a matter of fact, we're not friends at all until you fix this.
Schmidt: Okay, all right, look. Winston, I'm sorry, man. W-Winston, you've been working on this puzzle for quite some time now. You realize a lot of those puzzle pieces are upside down, right? It's just they're cardboard color. Is that an almond that you have inserted into one of the pieces? Are you just eating them, or are you using them as pieces? You know that's an almond, right?
Winston: [screams] Schmidt, come here!

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Where have you been? I'm having a major life crisis, and you guys are, what? Just driving around, French-kissing each other like a couple Dutch hookers? What is that, Nick? Is that a hickey? Disgusting!

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Well, Winston, after 25 unanswered text messages to Nick and Jess this morning, I finally received a response. A smiley face. This leaves us with one choice... To become best friends.
Winston: Huh? Yeah, fine.
Schmidt: For real? Okay, great. Now, as my best friend, I expect you to be willing to sacrifice everything for me at a moment's notice, including, of course, unfortunately for you, your dignity.
Winston: Yeah, fine.

Quote from Schmidt

Winston: Hey, Schmidt, what do you think it's gonna look like?
Schmidt: What do I think it's going to look like?
Winston: Yeah, the puzzle.
Schmidt: Winston, it's on the box. The- The picture's on the box. It's a Japanese garden!

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: So, in conclusion, it's a you know, it's a very difficult decision that I've had to that, you know, that you guys have put me in, here, but I just I'm gonna be candid.
Cece: I've been up for 24 hours. I have to return all of these gifts. So just say it. You don't want to be with me.
Schmidt: Wh... huh? Look- Look at that. I just looked down and I thought, "This girl must be wearing sneakers "with shoelaces, and th-those shoelaces must be tied together, because this girl is straight trippin', yo."
Cece: What?
Schmidt: Of course I want to be with you.

Quote from Nick

Nick: How hard could that place be to sneak into? You all in?
Jess: Nick, this has been fun, but-
Nick: Okay, look, everything that's bad is waiting for us back in the loft. But here? I'm Paradise Nick. And Paradise Nick is mega-chill. And you're Paradise Jess, right? We can make food and just... [they kiss]
Jess: All in.
Nick: All in.

Quote from Schmidt

Winston: Um Cece, I just want to say, on my end, that I am so, so sorry.
Cece: Sorry about what?
Winston: You know, uh Elizabeth.
Cece: Well, what about Elizabeth?
Schmidt: He made love to her. Winston made love to Elizabeth. After I chose you, Winston was all too quick, in Elizabeth's vulnerable state, to rush in there and just get his jollies off. His sweaty, disgusting jollies.
Cece: Seriously? I mean, she must have just been so upset and hurt I didn't even know you were interested in her.
Schmidt: Tell her what you did, Winston, and give her the short version, which you did not give to Elizabeth.
Winston: Wha? What I did... Um... Okay, well, I drove over there to seduce her. And I seduced her two and a half times.
Schmidt: Puzzle me this, then, Winston. How do you live with yourself?

Quote from Winston

Cece: I have a bit of a hard time believing that Winston would do this.
Schmidt: Well, then, you obviously don't know Winston, 'cause he's a sick, disgusting human being. Just this morning he asked me for a pair of your underpants.
Cece: Winston?
Winston: Hmm?
Cece: Is that true?
Winston: Yes. I needed your underwear to sew into my underwear.
Cece: Oh... my... God. That is disgusting! You are a pervert! [throws the puzzle]
Schmidt: Oh, I'm so sorry, Cece. Just wait in the car. You don't have to deal with this disgusting trash person, garbage child!

Quote from Nick

Nick: I don't speak Spanish, you snake! What are you gonna do? I'm in the ocean now! I'm in international waters! I've got a shell.
Jess: Let's just go. Let's just get out of here.
Nick: Point Break style?
Jess: No, no, no!
Nick: I will Point Break style this moment!

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Truce, okay? Winston, please, come on... Talk to me. I I need a friend right now. I love both of these women, and I can't lose them, and I can't hurt them. And we made a pact!
Winston: No. You lied to me. You're a liar.
Schmidt: Okay, well, then would you like some truth, Winston? Here's some truth for you, okay? You're terrible at puzzles. Worst I've ever seen by a mile. What, do you have fly vision? Look at this puzzle. It's ages six and up. You are up, Winston. You are way up!
Winston: You want to say that to my face?
Schmidt: This is a corner piece, Winston! How do you not see that? What are you, blind?! I'm so sorry actually, a blind man could feel the smooth edges of a corner piece!
Winston: You are making me so mad.
Schmidt: Ooh, you are making me so mad.


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