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Landing Gear

‘Landing Gear’

Season 5, Episode 22 -  Aired May 10, 2016

On Schmidt and Cece's big day, Nick can't find the groom. Meanwhile, Reagan arrives to take Nick up on his invitation to the wedding.

Quote from Nick

Nick: Ah, so we're both going solo to the wedding.
Jess: Yeah.
Nick: We're both going drag.
Jess: I think it's stag.
Nick: Hmm?
Jess: Never mind.


Quote from Reagan

Reagan: So do you know the bride or the groom?
Robby: The bride destroyed my heart.
Nadia: I destroyed the groom's Jew penis.
Reagan: Mm. I hope you guys are giving a toast.

Quote from Nick

Jess: Your speech wasn't that bad.
Nick: My speech was fantastic. It's the best 17 minutes of my life. I really opened up my heart.
Jess: I was gonna say.
Nick: Nah, I'm just feeling bad about Reagan. I think I came on too strong, or-or... I don't know. She told me she's leaving tonight on a train.
Jess: On a train? Where's she going, Hogwarts?
Nick: No, San Diego. I don't know if "Hog-warts" is near San Diego. I've never heard of it.
Jess: Never mind.

Quote from Schmidt

Priest: May this couple be blessed and be helpful to one another in all ways.
Cece: Just when I thought you couldn't make me any happier, look what you did today. You're amazing.
Schmidt: I hope for as long as we stay together, that I always remain someone that you want to hollah at.
Cece: I look forward to a lifetime of joy, growth and constant mispronunciation of common words.
Schmidt: For the first time, I see what the rest of my life looks like.
Rabbi: I now pronounce you husband and... Oh, wait, uh, we need the glass.
[Nick hands Schmidt the "Douchebag Jar"]

Quote from Nick

Nick: As we all know, marriage is about sex and property. Everybody say that with me once. Marriage is about s... [all silent] I imagined that differently.
Schmidt: [on video call] You're okay. You're okay. Pull it together. Just let the index cards go. Speak from the heart.
Nick: You know who I'm talking to when I say you were rude to me earlier at the bar. And now who's in control? I could point to you and call you out, but I won't. When I first met this guy, Schmidt, I thought, "I'm not gonna be friends with him. I don't like his personality." Magic's fake. [guests murmuring] Believe what you want, but I want you guys to think about something, and now this is off the jack. In a couple generations, we're all gonna be dead, and no one's gonna remember any of us. I mean, think about it. Do you remember your great-great grandparents or... or their parents, or what they did day to day? The point is, it doesn't matter. Everyone you know will be dead.
Schmidt: That's right.
Nick: Congratulations, man. I love you.
Schmidt: Best friends.
Nick: That's my time, everybody. Thank you.
Schmidt: Look, if it made sense, it wouldn't be my wedding.

Quote from Winston

Winston: Coach, I've lived many lives. The Winston that you used to know is gone. A few hours ago, Aly told me she loves me, and that made me a serious man, in a serious relationship. The Winston Bishop that you see here today is about one thing and one thing only: and that is organizational excellence.
Coach: You forgot to make an aisle.
Winston: Aw, shoot. This is a full redo.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Look at this goddess. Don't do this to her. I swear to God, I will scream sing every last word to Les Mis.
Stewardess: Sir, if you don't sit down, I'll have you removed.
Schmidt: Perfect!
Stewardess: And placed in FBI custody.
Schmidt: [sits down] I suppose I'll just have a tomato ["tomahto"] juice.

Quote from Cece

Cece: Mom, what are you doing here?
Jess: If you've come to object to this wedding, you are too late, and in another sense, because it's delayed, you're... too early.
Priyanka: That's not at all why I'm here.
Schmidt: [on Priyanka's voice mail] Mama P. Schmidt with the latest, "Why I Love Cece." Today's episode: Honesty with a Capital Ouch.
Cece: He called you?
Priyanka: Every Monday for the past year.
Schmidt: [beeps] Your daughter is the best thing... [beeps] I just lost a fight in the desert, but... [beeps] And I want her to be the last thing I see when she pulls the plug. [beeps] But it's not an A-plus unless we both finish. [beeps] She's so beautiful. The odds are really stacked against our children.
Jess: They're not all winners.
Schmidt: [beeps] I just know that if you miss your daughter's wedding, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life.
Priyanka: I am delighted for you to marry this man.

Quote from Coach

Jess: Winston. I cannot believe I'm asking this... but I need you to prank this wedding. Please. Please, we need to distract people.
Coach: He's a serious man now. He doesn't prank anymore. Just look at his eyes. All the mischief's gone.
Winston: If this were another time, another day, hell, even six hours ago...
Jess: Listen to me, you bird-shirted, puzzle baby. You get out there and you do something totally idiotic right now!
Coach: [May and Coach laugh] Funston, we have a pranklem. [laughs] I'm not good at these.
May: It's a weird one.

Quote from Nick

Nick: Let's go together. For old times' sake. Let's go together. Have some fun. You're going to need someone to dance with. You know I'm a good dancer.
Jess: Okay, but I'm not dancing to "Single Ladies."
Nick: All right. We won't dance to "Single Ladies."
Jess: Okay.
Nick: I might dance to "Single Ladies."

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