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‘Ready’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

New Girl: Ready

606. Ready

Aired November 15, 2016

Jess decides she's ready to start dating again. Schmidt hits the gym. Meanwhile, Nick makes Cece manager at the bar so he can focus on his novel, and Winston wonders where his newfound sex appeal came from.

Quote from Nick

Nick: Okay, I know for a fact... that this was the most attractive man in America for ten years. [holds up a Cheers publicity photo of Ted Danson] I know that because magazines told me so. But... Okay... Hey, Donovan, could you copy that? You guys don't look anything alike.
Donovan: Okay.
Nick: Okay.

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Quote from Cece

Cece: Donovan, these terms are unacceptable. He's really screwing you.
Donovan: Aw.
Cece: You know what? I'm gonna get on the phone with him, because if we start treating our attractive people like this, our society is gonna collapse.

Quote from Winston

Winston: Nick, please, that dude is hot as hell, man. He is a member of the Hall of Fine. He's more attractive than Joe Mangaroni. Manga... Joe Menden...
Nick: Who are you thinking of?
Winston: Magic Mike's friend.
Cece: Oh, he's married to that...
Nick: Yeah, J Lo.
Nick: Joe Mangallini.
Winston: Joe Mangallini. He's more attractive than Joe Mangallini.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: I'm fat!
Jess: I'm ready!
Schmidt: Look at this scarf. I used to be able to wrap this scarf...
Jess: You go first.
Schmidt: exactly... two and a half times, and the plaid layers would blend seamlessly.
Jess: Scarf looks fine, Schmidt.
Schmidt: Now the blend is several degrees from seamless, a... as you can see. I've gained six pounds, maybe six and a half, I'm sure of it.
Cece: Honey, you look exactly the same to me.
Jess: Are you implying you gained six pounds in your neck?
Schmidt: I let my gym membership lapse when we were planning the wedding. Now instead of a chiseled ten, I'm a dumpy seven breathin' down six's back. But it's fine. I just have to find a new gym.

Quote from Schmidt

Jess: Come on! Flip it! Flip it! Come on, Schmidt, flip it!
Schmidt: Oh, forget it.
Jess: What are you doing?
Schmidt: I don't know. I used to crush at the gym and now I'm just mediocre, like early Beyoncé. Nobody will say it, but you know it's true.

Quote from Schmidt

Robby: All right. I'm gonna get a drink and get back to my workout, but, uh, you better be careful. My... I-I tore every single ligament in my right leg. The doctor says I have to focus [inhales sharply] on the top until it heals.
Schmidt: Yeah, classic genie workout. Just let your legs waste away until they turn into mist.

Quote from Jess

Jess: All right, got to get back on the horse. Got to find a guy I can have some rhythm with. Ooh. Sweaty guy? Oh. Guy doing Pilates in work boots?
Schmidt: Are you doing a bit right now?
Jess: What?
Schmidt: Just date Robby.
Jess: Oh, Schmidt, not this again.
Schmidt: Why not? I mean, you guys get along. He's clearly into you. You have that whole Tony thing, which was very inside and alienating.
Jess: Well, I do find Robby really funny and... he's as tall as you can be before it's weird.
Schmidt: See, I'd put him on the wrong side of that line, but that's just me. Who cares what I think? Jess... go get him.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Jess, why are you not dressed for the gymnasia ["hym-nahsia"]?
Jess: Hmm. I'm not going.
Schmidt: Why the hell not? Oh, is it your birthday?
Jess: No. I just...
Schmidt: Did we forget your birthday? This is terrible.
Jess: It's not my birthday.
Schmidt: It's a big one, too, isn't it?
Jess: How old do you think I...
Jess: No, I'm eating leftovers from my date with Robby.
Schmidt: Did you go to Birthdays? You know, if you get a chance, you should try the Birthdays Express at the airport. I like it better.

Quote from Jess

Jess: You know what? You're right. I was gonna try to avoid Robby, but funk that chicken! I'm gonna go get my gym clothes on!
Schmidt: Yeah.
Jess: I'm gonna put my push-up bra on. That's actually not a bra that pushes my breasts up, it's actually one that I do push-ups in.
Schmidt: I get it.
Jess: Smash these babies down.
Schmidt: Let's do it.

Quote from Schmidt

Jess: Anyway, I just have to wear this thing for the next few days just as a precaution.
Schmidt: Well, if you want to cover it up, Cece gave me a scarf that's perfect. It's long enough to wrap around an above-ground pool filled with Alfredo sauce. Alfredo sauce. Doesn't that sound good?
Jess: Not really.
Schmidt: I don't know. Maybe Cece's right. Maybe I am turning into a fat man.
Jess: Cece never called you fat.
Schmidt: Well, I am. I'm a fat man married to a hot woman. Cool, I'm a sitcom.
Jess: That sounds like a great show. Throw in a wacky neighbor, I'm watching.
Jess: Maybe the reason why you don't want to go to the gym is 'cause you want to hang out with your beautiful wife. Right? And you're fat and happy because you're happy.
Schmidt: You're right. I'm a lucky man.
Jess: A Lucky Man should be the name of your show. You're a beleaguered casino owner, and a father of three.

Quote from Winston

Nick: Do you remember when you were taking the bus to the farmer's market and it hit a bump and you soiled yourself?
Winston: That was not my favorite Arbor Day. [laughs] Why you, uh... why are you bringing that up?
Nick: Remember when you, uh, were in the park, and a bee flew into your mouth and then you fell off the bridge at that place where all the ducks go to the bathroom?
Winston: I see what you're doing. Keep it going.
Nick: Remember when you had to leave Latvia because you weren't good enough to be a professional basketball player, and you came back home to be a full time babysitter?
Winston: Okay. All right. Time out. You know, you, you hit a nerve.
Nick: Okay.
Winston: Definitely brought me down a peg.
Nick: I'm sorry.
Winston: It's okay. I needed it.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: [mouth full] Mm. There she is. Jess. Big news. I realized that you were right. I'm happy because Cece loves me and she's gonna love me no matter what, even if I turn into a bloated Ashkenazi marshmallow. Turns out, I don't have to work out ever again. I can eat as much as I want and still be happy.

Quote from Nick

Nick: Cece, good news. I'm making you bar manager! Yeah, I finally want to focus on my writing. And you can implement all the ideas that you've been suggesting.
Cece: All I said was that the ladies' bathroom needs more toilet paper.
Nick: And I want you to implement that... as manager.
Cece: All right.
Nick: Cece, this could be your whole future. What do you say?
Cece: "Whole future" makes it seem like I'm gonna grow old and die there, which is terrifying.
Nick: Oh, yeah, but... yeah...
Cece: I mean, I could use the money...
Nick: See, that's what I'm saying! You could use the money! If you break it down hourly, it's less money.
Cece: Okay.
Nick: Don't do that math.

Quote from Jess

Jess: Good. Now back to my thing. I'm ready! Oh, sorry. To start dating again.
Cece: Oh. That's great. I'm so proud of you.
Jess: Thanks.
Nick: Me, too. About time you got Dr. Sam out of your system. Here's a prescription for the doctor. Who needs him? [laughing]

Quote from Winston

Winston: Schmidt, just so we're clear. When you say you're a seven breathing down a six's back, [whispering] are you referring to Cece? Is she the six?

Quote from Jess

Jess: Look, you're just shaking the rust off. You got to run the faucet till the brown runs out. Speaking of which, I have to do the same. Don't wait up. [chuckles] Hey, squats, good news. I'm dating again.
Man: No, thank you.
Jess: Never mind. Okay. [to Schmidt] What the hell? I used to be so good at dating.
Schmidt: I don't think you were.
Jess: I had a thing a certain type responded to.

Quote from Jess

Robby: Oh. It's a colon drop? Uh, I didn't order this.
Jess: Is it just me or is it colon here?
Robby: [laughs] Yeah.

Quote from Winston

Woman: Hi, there. Hey, the birds on your shirt look a little lonely. Maybe they could use some company?
Winston: Nah. They find it very fulfilling to play amongst themselves.
Woman: Find me if they change their mind.
Winston: [to his shirt] Was she hitting on us?

Quote from Nick

Donovan: Hey, what can I get you?
Nick: I guess I'll get some calamari and some soup. What's the soup of the day? Actually, what I'm talking about? This is my bar. Who are you?
Cece: Oh, Nick, this is Donovan, the new bartender I hired.

Quote from Nick

Nick: That guy is super hot?
Cece: Yes.
Nick: Okay, if you say so.
Cece: I don't say so. The Lord says so. That boy is off the charts.
Nick: I wouldn't know.
Cece: Okay, don't be that guy.
Nick: I'm not being that guy. I don't see it.
Cece: Don't be the, "Eh, I wouldn't know" guy. It's a bad color on you.
Nick: No, I'm not saying it's a color. I'm not even making... like... I don't see that he's more handsome.
Winston: I have been getting all kinds of female attention lately. Did I suddenly get more attractive?
Nick: How should I know?! I don't see that kind of thing. I'm just trying to write.

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