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‘No Girl’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

New Girl: No Girl

504. No Girl

Aired January 26, 2016

With Jess sequestered for jury duty, Nick rents out her room to make money for Schmidt's bachelor party. Meanwhile, Winston turns to Cece for support when he suspects KC is cheating on him.

Quote from Schmidt

Kimiko: [sings] I hear the blues a-callin' Tossed salad and scrambled eggs
Schmidt: Is she listening to Frasier reruns?
Nick: I'm in the middle of a fight with you.
Schmidt: There's this one episode, right? Where Niles, he's making an origami flower, and Frasier comes in and asks... Well, I'm sorry, actually, it's Daphne that comes in and asks...
Nick: Why'd you invite Todd?! Is that what Daphne asks? 'Cause if I'm Daphne, that's what I'm asking. He sucks. I could've done it! Then what does, uh, Frasier say?
Schmidt: You would never be Frasier in this scenario.
Nick: Who would I be?
Schmidt: Obviously the dad, the lazy piece of dump that sits on the chair.
Nick: And you just broke my heart. [Kumiko giggles]

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Quote from Cece

Winston: I'm gonna need you to nurture me. I'm gonna need you to nurture me.
Cece: Okay, all right, I can do that part. Here we go. So, um, maybe this breakup isn't such a bad thing. Now you can stop wasting your life and find someone more realistic. Yeah, someone who's, like, in your league.
Winston: What?
Cece: Because you don't want to die alone, so you kind of have to settle and lower your standards and find someone that's just, like, in your lane.
Winston: What...?
Cece: If you stay in your lane, you'll be happy, 'cause you won't be alone. Right?
Winston: What are you saying?
Cece: Someone a little older, dumpier.
Winston: [crying] You are so bad at this.

Quote from Winston

Cece: I can't believe Jess is gonna be sequestered for so long.
Winston: Who am I supposed to go to for lady advice now? I mean, I'm having a real crisis with KC.
Nick: It's not a crisis. She posted a photo of another dude; it's no big deal.
Winston: Yeah, but when I asked her about it, she said, "He's a work friend, Winston. Slow down." I'm like, "Slow down? "We've been dating for four months already. I've seen one of your breasts."
Schmidt: What was the situation where you only saw one of her breasts?
Winston: We were playing dinosaur.

Quote from Schmidt

Nick: Trust me, it'll work. I've done the math, and if we rent out every room for a month, we'll have enough money, we won't need Todd.
Schmidt: The hospitality industry is fast-paced and it's detail-oriented. And you have the focus of a coked-up Italian on a summer day.
Nick: I'm very focused.
Schmidt: You're not even looking at me right now.
Nick: I thought I saw something shiny. Um... But no, it was nothing.
Schmidt: How do you drive your car and not hit people?
Nick: I have never been more focused in my-- It was a spoon. I saw the... it was just a spoon.

Quote from Cece

Winston: This is your fault. I need Jess.
Cece: No, you know what, no, you don't need, you don't need Jess. 'Cause I'm here, and I've got this. So what can I do that's Jess-like? You want some, you want some tea? You want, like, cupcakes or a cute song?
Winston: I need Jess.
Cece: Um, okay, you know what, I'm gonna do the tea thing. How about I do the tea thing for you, and then I'll, it'll soothe you, okay? So, how do I, how do you make tea?
Winston: How do you make tea?!
Cece: I'll fig... I'll figure it out. I'll just get some water and I'll ta...
Winston: Yeah.
Cece: You know, it's...
Winston: Water and leaves! Water and leaves!
Cece: Water and leaves.

Quote from Winston

Cece: Sorry, Winston, I mean, this is all my fault.
Winston: No, no, no, no, no. No, Cece, you're fine. You were right. You really were. I mean, KC and I were, we weren't going anywhere. Let's be honest. I just want to find somebody, Cece; I really do. So bad it hurts. From my head to my turd pipe.
Cece: That's... sweet.

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: No... Todd is in town.
Nick: Ploons? Are you kidding me? Went to college with this guy. He's the worst guy on Planet Earth. His grandfather invented the springs that go inside pens. He's got, like, a billion dollars. Once he paid apl.de.ap from The Black Eyed Peas to hang out with him, just so he could look cool.
[flashback to a guy dancing in a college dorm room:]
apl.de.ap: How much are you guys gettin' paid for this?
Nick: Bunch of marijuana.
Schmidt: And these carrots.

Quote from Nick

Nick: Ugh. I just got a text from him. "Nick the Dick"-- hate that-- "it's Hot Daddy T"-- hate that-- "in La-La Land."-- hate that-- "Excited to talk "bachelor party with you. Vegas... question..." He spelled "Vegas" with two S's.
Winston: He spelled it with two? That's ass. That's Veg-ass. You see what he did? You see what he did?
Nick: It's so like Ploons to assume he's coming to the bachelors party.
Schmidt: He said Vegas?
Nick: You can't invite him, Schmidt.
Schmidt: On the other hand, you know, a bachelor party does cost a lot of money.
Nick: I'm your best man. I got this bachelors party under control, buddy.
Schmidt: First of all, you're saying "bachelors party," which is wrong.

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: We don't have to go anywhere.
Nick: You want to go somewhere, right?
Schmidt: Uh...
Nick: We're going someplace. Someplace that is so much better than what Ploons could do.
Schmidt: Well, he'd go to Vegas, which...which soun ds awesome.
Nick: We're going to Tokyo! I mean, look at you. You're obsessed with Japanese culture, you wear the kimono, right? I'm gonna take you where Ploons can never take you. I'm taking you to Tokyo.
Schmidt: [choked up] This... this is pimp. This is so pimp.
Winston: [crying] I just really need to know, um... [clears throat] I was gonna say, how are we paying for all of this?
Schmidt: Doesn't matter.
Nick: How does anybody pay for anything?

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: Hey, there's a stranger in the bathroom.
Nick: That's just Brandon.
Schmidt: Who the hell is Brandon?
Nick: Brandon's how we're paying for Tokyo, Schmidt. You see, I put a thing online. I'm renting out Jess's room while she's gone.
Schmidt: Oh...
Nick: I'm gonna rent out all the rooms.
Schmidt: Are you insane?
Nick: I don't think so, no.

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