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Longest Night Ever

‘Longest Night Ever’

Season 3, Episode 9 -  Aired November 19, 2013

As Coach and Cece go out together, Jess and Nick try to keep Schmidt in the loft so he can't sabotage the date. Meanwhile, Winston's cat runs away.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: I can't mingle with this trash. I've been to the mountaintop.
Jess: Okay, look. Look at me. You are moving on. Now, where's the old Schmidt? When I moved into the loft, you used to pull so many ladies. You were legendary.
Schmidt: That year, uh, Hurricane Schmidt did-did demolish... a number of beach communities.
Jess: Right. All right, we're gonna go talk to this girl over here.
Schmidt: She's on a flip phone, Jess. I mean, she's either poor or a time traveler.


Quote from Schmidt

Jess: Wait, that's so great for Cece. Coach is super hot. Wrong crowd. I see that now. Be that as it may, you blew it with Cece, so you have to be fine with this.
Schmidt: I am.
Jess: You are?
Schmidt: I promise I am.
Jess: You are?
Schmidt: 100% fine.
Nick: You're fine?
Schmidt: Yeah, I'm absolutely fine.
Jess: Really?
Schmidt: It's good for Cece, it's good for Coach, it's good for America. Who knows? We might even get another Tiger Woods out of this situation. Wouldn't that be nice?

Quote from Jess

Jess: Camryn Manheim represents a woman who was heckled by a carnival clown, and Dylan McDermott says...

Quote from Coach

Coach: How you liking that merch?
Cece: Oh, it's It's great, thanks.
Coach: Yeah, yeah. You want a pretzel?
Cece: No, I'm-I'm fine, thanks.
Coach: It wasn't a question. Hey, yo, slice! Let me get about seven of them hot things! You worried about the money? It's cool, I got it, babe. Coach had a good year today.
Cece: Yeah, when I-I agreed to go out with you, this isn't exactly what I expected.
Coach: I know, I hear that a lot, I hear that a lot.

Quote from Schmidt

Jess: Come on, Schmidt, get in the car. Get in the car.
Schmidt: I love her, Jess. I have to tell her.
Jess: Well, you can't. You have to let her go.
Schmidt: I know. Look, you're right. I know.
Jess: Okay, good. Come on, get back in the car.
Schmidt: I also know that in about 30 seconds, I'm gonna run away from you again, and this time, I will lose you. I'll go down alleys, I'll cut across parks. I will live in the shadows, just slithering, lurking, trolling the darkness.

Quote from Nick

Jess: Oh, hey. I was wondering about date night tonight. Do you wanna just stay in? 'Cause you know what that means.
Nick: Romantic dinner and Homeland?
Jess: Sex on the couch.
Nick: Or your thing.
Jess: Actually, Homeland sounds great.
Nick: Or your thing.

Quote from Winston

Jess: What happened to you? I thought you were supposed to go to a party.
Winston: Yeah, it's been so long that I think I forgot how to talk to women.
Winston: You ever wonder if someone in here has killed someone? [chuckles]
Winston: Ferguson is his name. Yeah, he's my cat. Here's him in a cowboy hat.
Winston: Good lord, darling, how big are your feet?

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Look, you're a beautiful woman. In another life, we certainly would've been lovers, but my soul mate is at a Sparks game right now with another man. I need to go get her.
Kate: Oh, you poor thing.
Schmidt: Please don't interrupt me. Now, do you see that bug-eyed woman over there? I need to ditch her so that I can go fulfill my destiny. Now, tell me when she looks away.
Kate: Not now. Not now. Wait. Now.
Schmidt: [kisses Kate] What might've been. [runs off]
Jess: Hey, Schmidt! No!

Quote from Winston

Bertie: What do you think he's gonna look like when we get him back? Found him under the steps eating a dead raccoon's eyeball. Your cat's a psycho.
Winston: Oh, did my baby have a tasty treat? Ferguson, I missed you so much, little buddy.
Nick: They're very connected, those two.
Bertie: I can relate. Got a beast of my own. Hodgkiss, wake up. We got company.
Nick: Aw. Is that a squirrel?
Bertie: Squirrel? It's a hamster.
Winston: Nick, you know what a squirrel looks like. Okay, you've been outside, man.
Nick: Trying to just figure out the smell, I guess.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Find Staples Center!
Female voice: [on phone] Finding Starples Medical Supply.
Schmidt: No, you dumb pocket robot!
Female voice: [on phone] Dan plummer rubber stumpers.
Schmidt: Aah! Now you're just making up words! That's not even a place! Damn you!
Female voice: [on phone] Maiden worcestershire sauce.

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