Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Fired Up’ Quotes

New Girl: Fired Up

319. Fired Up

Aired March 11, 2014

Jess gets Coach a job at her school. Meanwhile, Schmidt needs legal counsel after a man injures himself in the storefront he rented.

Quote from Coach

Coach: I'm what?
Jess: We had to do budget cuts, and we have to let two people go, and you're my friend, and I couldn't stop it. I'm so sorry.
[The boys' basketball team runs in with a custom-made jacket for Coach]
Boy: We all pitched in.
Coach: Thanks, guys. I'm not coach anymore. I'm just Coach.

Rate

Quote from Nick

Bill Berklan: So, are you gonna sit, or?
Nick: No, I'm gonna stand. 'Cause isn't that what we are doing? Standing... for the little guy?
Schmidt: [quietly] What is the plan?
Nick: Injustice! [drops screws in Schmidt's hand] I will not stand for it. That is why I will sit right now. I will sit down in this chair... [puts feet on table, falls back] You're negligent! Aah! Get off me! My neck! My neck!
Bill Berklan: Seriously? The fall-down on the chair bit? Is this your first case?
Nick: Yes, it is. And that is why I'll file petition on petition. You're gonna wake up in the morning to paperwork. You're gonna go to bed at night to paperwork. So how about this, gentlemen? You pay the $20,000 settlement to your client yourself, and you'll never see our faces again. What do you call a lunatic who's only got one case and no hobbies? Your worst nightmare.

Quote from Winston

Winston: And the jury will see that there is no justice for the Hebrew man. Not in these so-called United States.
Nick: What is that that you're doing?
Winston: I can't get enough of this legal drama. Check this out. Favorite author, Grisham. Favorite TV show, Judging Amy. Favorite color, courtroom brown. Courtroom Brown. Damn, I wish that was my nickname.
Nick: Did you just think of that? 'Cause it was perfect, man.
Winston: Courtroom Brown.

Quote from Winston

Schmidt: What are you doing here?
Nick: I'm representing you.
Bill Berklan: Everything all right?
Schmidt: I'm a bit caught off guard. I wasn't expecting these two very real lawyers to show up today.
Winston: Well, we wanted to let you know that the entire firm is standing behind you. Besides, whether I sit in my office or in here it's all billable. Am I right, gentlemen? [laughter]

Quote from Coach

Coach: Run! Do not stop running or I will eat your faces and bodies! Keep running or I will murder your family! [quietly] I love this job. [loudly] You're pissing me off! This one. This one. I got my eye on you.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: An outrage! Been all over and I can't afford anybody. Unbelievable. Access to premium legal counsel should be every Jew's birthright.

Quote from Winston

Schmidt: What? Keep going.
Nick: Ow!
Schmidt: Just keep going.
Nick: What are you- Don't hit me. What are you hitting me for?
Bill Berklan: Is everything all right?
Winston: Sure it is. The meter's running. [laughter]

Quote from Nick

Stenographer: Mr. Miller: "Were you or were you not wearing oversized shoes in the store?" Mr. Baker: "I was not. I told you that." Mr Miller: "But are you sure?" Mr. Schmidt: "Shut up, Nick." Mr. Miller: "Let me do this. Ow. Stop it." Mr. Schmidt: "Stop what? You're hitting yourself." Mr. Miller: "You're a child." Mr.Schmidt: "A child would be a better lawyer." Mr. Furguson: "Children are our future." Mr. Berklan: "So true." Mr. Miller: "I need to regroup. I'm gonna stall a little bit. Watch this. Could the lady typer read that back?"

Quote from Winston

Winston: Listen, Bill, if you ever want to play with the big boys, you'll give me a ring, won't you?
Bill Berklan: [sighs] This is a baseball card.

Quote from Coach

Jess: Even though you don't work at Coolidge anymore, you'll still be Coach Coach to those kids.
Coach: It's Coach Coach.
Jess: Yeah, Coach Coach.
Coach: Coach Coach.
Jess: Coach Coa-
Coach: Coach Coach.
Jess: I'm sorry.

Quote from Coach

Coach: That's what I'm gonna miss. Those little those little bastards. Little Ronnie. Ronnie's so clumsy and slow.
Jess: Yeah.
Coach: Thomas. I mean, he's strong, but that boy is a classic middle child. He's just looking for love, up, back and sideways. And Maurice. [voice breaking] He always makes a mess whenever he eats a Popsicle. It's, like, dude, stop sucking your Popsicle like that, man. You're never gonna get a girlfriend like that. [Jess sobs] And then there's Hunter.
Jess: God
Coach: Fat... cross-eyed... clod-hopping Hunter.
Jess: Hunter is the sweetest little idiot there ever was.
Coach: [wailing] He's so sweet! He's so sweet! Ahh...

Quote from Nick

Nick: What you're doing is illegal. You can't say this is a store.
Schmidt: I'm not taking advice from you. You pronounce the "G" in "lasagna."
Nick: Lasag-na.

Quote from Winston

Bill Berklan: Your representation running late?
Schmidt: Uh, no. Actually, I'll be representing myself today.
Nick: [enters] Sorry we're late.
Schmidt: What?
Nick: This building is a total mess. Nick Miller of, uh, Cooper, Bishop and Furguson. As you know, my boss and senior partner, Mr. Winston Furguson.
Winston: Gentlemen, pleased to be with you. Please, please don't get up, don't get up. I-I insist. Madam Secretary.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Thanks for helping me move my stuff, you guys.
Winston: [sings] Lots of hairy boxes...
Schmidt: God, I've fallen. Almost below you now, Nick. Fellow passengers, stuck in the caboose of life.
Nick: You think I'm in the caboose of life?
Schmidt: You love it in the caboose, not me. It hurts. It's actually quite jarring.
Winston: [sings] Loves it in the caboose.
Nick: I don't love it in the caboose.
Winston: Yes, he does.

Quote from Jess

Biology Teacher: Hey. I was looking for you. You weren't in my car. Internet's down.
Jess: Okay, um, well, I rebooted the router. You're actually on the wrong IP address, so... There you go. Ooh. You know I can see everything that you search for, right?
Biology Teacher: I'm a biology teacher. It's all research. [exits]
Coach: Fixing computers and stuff now?
Jess: I'm just taking on a little extra responsibility around here, just getting stuff done that needs doing.
[flashback to Jess on a ride-in lawnmower]
[flashback to Jess painting the corridor:]
Jess: Graffiti's wrong, kids. Don't do it. I love corn on the cob, too, but I'm not gonna paint it all over the walls.

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: What am I supposed to do in this situation, represent myself like some nut job?
Winston: Nick could be your lawyer.
Schmidt: This Nick? Vivica A. Dropout?
Nick: First of all, I don't want to be involved, but thank you, Courtroom Brown. And second of all, I passed the bar, which means I can practice in the state of California.
Schmidt: Oh, Nick, you would be the worst in the whole entire world. No offense. I love you, dawg.
Nick: I could be your lawyer easy. You don't forget how to be a lawyer. It's like riding a bike.
[flashback to Nick struggling to ride a bike:]
Nick: They've changed these!
[present:]
Nick: Fine. I forgot how to ride a bike. But I'm not gonna forget how to be a lawyer.

Quote from Nick

Nick: Yeah. Uh, looks standard. Yeah. You're definitely being sued. Uh, your deposition is tomorrow.
Schmidt: What- What do we do now? Do we prep for the plaintiff?
Nick: I don't like prepping. It makes me feel nervous. I feel boxed in. And I'm very quick on my, uh...
Schmidt: Sure. Did you just forget the word "feet"?
Nick: Feet. Yeah.

Quote from Jess

Jess: We have talk about the budget.
Dr. Foster: There's a problem with the budget? But it's due Monday.
Jess: Yeah.
Dr. Foster: Do we have too much money?
Jess: No.

Quote from Nick

Nick: Schmidt fired me, and now I'll never get to use this briefcase I just bought, and it was $19!
Jess: I think my thing is a little bit more-
Nick: Do you think I'm sexier when I hold it or when it's down? 'Cause I think it's kind of sexier when I hold it, like this.
Jess: Not really.
Nick: Do I look like a man of power? Imagine this: It's, like, a rainy day, I'm on the streets of New York. [whistles] Hey! Stop that cab! I'm a businessman. I'm late to an important meeting. I honestly feel like I would've been so good at this.
Jess: You don't want to be a lawyer. Why do you care whether Schmidt fired you or not?
Nick: I spent all those years at law school with those preppy dicks and I never got to prove them wrong, Jess.
Jess: Okay, go after what you want. Just make sure that what you want doesn't make you a cog on the wheel of a larger, flawed system.
Nick: Stop it. Shut your mouth. 'Cause what you're saying is beautiful. I'm gonna go put on my power suit. High and loud, girl. Whoo!


 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  Select another episode