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‘Elaine's Big Day’ Quotes

New Girl: Elaine's Big Day

225. Elaine's Big Day

Aired May 14, 2013

Jess is determined to make sure everything goes to plan on Cece's wedding day, but Schmidt and Winston have other ideas.

Quote from Winston

Nick: I'm trying to turn it off, you idiot!
Winston: Oh... no.
Nick: What's going on?
Winston: Uh... Bucky got out of his cage, man. Let's go get him.
Nick: No! No! I'm getting out of here!
Winston: No, you're coming with me. You got to help me find the badger, Nick! You don't be no bitch!

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Quote from Nick

Nick: Hey, give me the keys.
Jess: Where are we going?
Nick: I don't know. Where did we come from? Where do we go? Where did we come from?
Jess: [chuckes] Shut up.
Nick: Yeah, that was "Cotton-Eyed Joe," wasn't it?

Quote from Nick

Jess: Hey, guys! Hurry up! I'm the maid of honor and I have to be there early and I wanna get a picture in before we go.
Nick: Miami Vice called and I'm not sure... I don't know how to finish that joke.
Jess: What?
Nick: Ah, it's a crap joke, scratch it.

Quote from Schmidt

Elizabeth: But you must have feelings for her. You tried to sabotage her wedding.
Schmidt: I sabotaged her wedding as a friend. I didn't want her to marry someone else as a friend. It's only romantic because it's a wedding. I would be just as happy to sabotage, I don't know... let's say, her tax audit.

Quote from Winston

Winston: Hey. Bucky bit me. Bit me bad.
Nick: Hmm.
Winston: Yeah. So, um... so I'm pretty dizzy.
Nick: Okay.
Winston: Okay, what happened with Jess?
Nick: We called it. And she left. Yeah, we-we called it off. So, now I'm gonna drink, because that's my move.
Winston: Yeah. That was also your dad's move. Yeah, when things get messy, you just run away. But, you know, there are other moves. [Nick chuckles] Go.
Nick: Thanks, man.
Winston: Hey, bartender, can you call an ambulance? I'm about to bleed out. Thanks, man.

Quote from Bob Day

Bob Day: Let's do this. Okay, you ready? Scrunch together. There we go. No... uh, Rick, move one step to your right.
Nick: Me?
Bob Day: Yes, one step to your right. One more step to your right.
Nick: I can't go much further.
Bob Day: One more step to your right. Until you get into the hallway, and then, once you get in the hallway...
Nick: No, I see what you're doing, dude. Very funny, buddy.
Jess: Dad. Dad, Dad, we have to go...
Bob Day: ...go directly to the Chinatown trash can where you got that suit.

Quote from Schmidt

Elizabeth: There are so many fun, cool traditions at this thing. The groom comes in on a white horse.
Schmidt: So, basically, they're just copying my Bar Mitzvah.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Guys, guys, shut up and listen to me, it's Cece. She doesn't want to get married.
Winston: Damn.
Nick: What happened?
Schmidt: Well, her exact words were: "I don't want to marry Shivrang, but my whole family has flown out here from all the way across the world. I can't back out now. Please, Schmidt, as my closest friend, help me."
Nick: What did Jess say?
Schmidt: Well, Jess didn't hear it. Cece told me with her eyes.
Nick: Oh, so nothing happened.
Winston: Cool, so she's marrying Shivrang.
Schmidt: No, guys, I know Cece. I know her looks.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: I have let her go. I'm with Elizabeth now and she's amazing. Look, Jess, I'm telling you this as Cece's friend and nothing more.
Jess: Cece loves Shivrang. I know that 'cause I know her better than you do.
Schmidt: False. When you've had sexual congress with someone and you've peered into their soul at the exact moment of fulfillment... Ew.
Jess: Ew.
Nick: [gags]
Winston: No, no, hear him out.

Quote from Schmidt

Jess: It's okay. [to Schmidt] Who are you working with?
Schmidt: [sings] Where did you come from? Where did you go? Where did you come from... Cotton-Eyed... Joe.

Quote from Nick

Jess: What... What did you... Of course! Of course you were scheming with Schmidt.
Nick: Jess, I didn't do anything.
Jess: You think that Schmidt and Winston would be smart enough to duct-tape the sound board? That's brilliant! Plus, we both know that this is your CD.
[flashback to Nick rocking out in his car with Jess in the passenger seat:]
CD Player: Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, Cotton-Eyed Joe?
Jess: Why did you need me for this?

Quote from Winston

Winston: Ah, Nick. You've never gone along with one of my pranks before. This is exciting.
Nick: I never noticed, but you kind of have a girl butt. Is that weird to say?
Winston: This priest is never gonna know what hit him.
Nick: Wait, that is the plan? You're gonna drop a badger on a priest?
Winston: Oh! He's mad.
Nick: That can't be the plan, man!

Quote from Winston

Winston: What? No, no.
Nick: That's my phone.
Winston: I said no phones.
Nick: I know. I'm gonna get it.
Winston: They can track us with phones.
Nick: What is going...? Relax. You're so weird with pranks. What is going on with you?
Winston: Put the phone away!

Quote from Cece

Cece: Jess, you don't have to fix this.
Jess: Fix what? This is a perfect day.
Cece: I'm sorry, everyone, but I can't do this. And it's not because of the horse. Or the badger. Or "Cotton-Eyed Joe." This isn't what I want. What I want is to be with someone else. Shivrang, I feel terrible. I'm sorry.
Shivrang: No... No, Cece, it is okay. In fact, it's more than okay. I don't know why I didn't tell you the truth ages ago, but... but I want to be with someone else, too.
Cece: Really?
Shivrang: Yes. I have tried to forget you, Elaine - really, I have - but I just can't.
Winston: Who the hell is Elaine?
Shivrang: And I don't care what my family says. I want to marry you in a Presbyterian church.
Elaine: Oh, Shivvy. I've loved you since the first grade. And I'm so lonely without you. I just lay awake at night, and I just write about you in my journal, and I paint pictures of you on my easel.
Shivrang: I want our children to be photographers and... and backpack across Europe.
Elaine: Will you take me away from this madness? And you are not too short for me. I don't care what your mother says.
Shivrang: Oh, Elaine! Come!
Elaine: Let's go to Vegas and elope!
Cece: [to Jess] I feel slightly rejected.
Jess: Well... you were slightly rejected.

Quote from Schmidt

Elizabeth: It was Schmidt that you were talking about, right?
Cece: It was. I'm-I'm sorry, Elizabeth. Don't be sorry. It's not your problem. It's Schmidt's.
Schmidt: Why is it... Why is it my problem?
Elizabeth: Who's it gonna be? Me or her?
Cece: No, she's right. You have to choose.
Schmidt: We're gonna do this now? But can... can we sleep on it, maybe? Maybe take the night? I've got... I just got this brand-new Coldplay bootleg. Live from Rotterdam. What if we just make some pasta and really listen to it?
Elizabeth: Are you in love with her or are you in love with me?
Cece: You have to decide.
[Schmidt runs away]


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