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‘Raisin's Back’ Quotes

New Girl: Raisin's Back

611. Raisin's Back

Aired January 3, 2017

Nick is determined not to make a big deal of things when Reagan moves back into the loft. Meanwhile, Winston and Cece make their own EDM track to show Schmidt he has terrible taste in music.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Yeah, it's not so easy, is it? Can't just snap your fingers and become a couple of Calvin Harrises-e-es.

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Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: If I don't have my taste, then what's real? Are cargo shorts gorgeous? Was I wrong about rubber awareness bracelets? Should I grow a goatee?
Winston: Look, Schmidt, you got fooled. Who cares, man? [Cece chuckles]
Schmidt: I care, Winston. I care. [exhales] I always thought of myself as a brand, as a lifestyle, but now... you know what, I'm gonna take back that chair, and I'm gonna get rid of all my gingham and I'm gonna... go buy a 14-pack of tube socks... at the grocery store.

Quote from Winston

Winston: When we are done with this song, Schmidt will totally think it is by Diplo or Garrix or Deadmau5.
Cece: What is this?
Winston: Don't worry about that, your mind is in a weird situation. First things first. I recorded a bunch of noises around the loft. Right?
Cece: Mm-hmm.
Winston: So we could use it as the hook. It is the mark of any EDM song. Now, check this one out. Nick shaving without shaving cream. [Nick grunting] He's bleeding at this point.
Cece: It's good, I'm just laughing at...
Nick: Yeah, it's nasty.
Cece: ... just seeing him.
Winston: Okay, check this one out.
Schmidt: [recording] Haberman, my Haberman. Haberman. My Haberman. My-my-my-my Haberman.
Cece: This one has a pretty good rhythm to it.

Quote from Reagan

Nick: Uh, two duffel bags, that's all?
Reagan: Yeah, well, I travel light... which is lucky for me, because the only way I could get here from the airport was to split a cab with a lady who was eating a sub from the middle.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: I just got back from the chair district where I found the perfect sitting piece for our home. It's an original Haberman. It's a Haberman. It's a Haberman.
Cece: It's not helping... you to repeat it over and over again.
Schmidt: A print ad for it features a quote from David Strathairn.
Winston: [under breath] Str...
Schmidt: What do you got to say now?

Quote from Winston

Cece: Ugh. Well, there goes the jukebox. It's been on the fritz for weeks.
Schmidt: I know.
Winston: Whoa. Hold on, now. It might have some life left in it, thanks to Dr. The Fonz. Heyyy... [Winston laughs] Check me out. [glass shatters]
Cece: What the hell?
Schmidt: Winston!
Winston: Ooh!
Schmidt: That's the least Fonzie move ever. It was borderline Chachi.
Winston: I just wanted to be... Art Fonzarelli for a day.
Schmidt: Ugh.
Winston: You know? Black dude playing a Jewish dude, playing an Italian dude and the world goes 'round.

Quote from Reagan

Reagan: Okay, well how about you? You want to go out and maybe have like a little ladies' night? I just feel like getting really dumb.
Jess: Yeah. Dude, I'm the dumbest.
Reagan: It's a date. I am gonna take a seven-minute power nap and then go for a run to preempt all of this damage we're gonna do.

Quote from Cece

Jess: Reagan has a secret apartment.
Cece: A secret apartment?
Jess: Past Jess was trying to keep me out of this.
Cece: What is she, a D.C. madam?

Quote from Winston

Cece: It was just a song. Okay? Your taste is your taste. It doesn't matter who else likes it.
Winston: Yeah, I mean, look at Cece, for instance. She's still rocking that Planet Hollywood jacket, and that thing is ugly as hell, man. Like, it's a really terrible jacket, and I don't get why she wears it.
Cece: I mean, take Winston, for example. He eats onions like apples. It's disgusting, his breath smells bad, it makes no sense, but...
Winston: Yeah, man. I be eating them things right down to the core, man.

Quote from Jess

Nick: What's in the bag, Jess?
Jess: [chuckles] These are old lady caramels, just a little thing that Reagan and I have.
Nick: You and Reagan have things? I didn't even know you guys were in touch.
Jess: Yeah, we text. You know. We also send each other pictures of bears wearing backpacks and other humorous exchanges.
Nick: What?

Quote from Winston

Winston: Well, look who it is. Raisin. I said, "Raisin" again, didn't I?

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: I think I have some speakers behind the bar. I'll just hook up my phone.
Winston: Wait, wait, wait. Time out, time out, time out. I know I just did something really stupid, but why do you automatically get to be in charge of the music?
Schmidt: 'Cause I have the best taste. [Cece and Winston laughing]
Cece: Oh, no, no, babe.
Winston: All you like is electronica.
Schmidt: It's EDM, electronic dance music...
Cece: Yeah, here we go.
Schmidt: ... or what I like to refer to it as, as just "M"... because it's the only music.
Cece: Music.

Quote from Winston

Winston: Yeah, listen, Schmidt, it's trash.
Schmidt: Need I remind you that you started a petition to get Enya to play at the Super Bowl halftime show?
Winston: You're misrepresenting my petition. Okay? I wanted her to play on the field during the fourth quarter. Schmidt, I bet I could make a fake EDM song and you couldn't tell it apart from a real one. 'Cause they all sound like a robot having a seizure.
Winston: Noice. [clicks fingers with Cece]
Schmidt: [chuckles] Not loving this dynamic.
Cece: We don't care.
Winston: We'll test it out. Cece and I will make a song.
Cece: Ooh.
Winston: And if we fool you, we're in charge of the music in the bar, All Enya, all up in ya.

Quote from Cece

Cece: Is this leading to the secret?
Jess: I don't know, Cece. My brain is a smoking wreckage and I'm trying to find the black box.
Cece: Okay, let's try to jump-start it. Okay? Let me try something. Secret! Secret! Secret!
Jess: What are you doing?
Cece: Secret!
Jess: This is not gonna work.
Cece: Secret!
Jess: It was something about a pool. Oh, my God, Cece. You're amazing. You should work for the CIA.
Cece: I know. Stay focused on the pool.

Quote from Winston

Winston: All right, this one right here is about to set the city up topsy-turvy.
Cece: All right.
Winston: Ferguson going to town on Jess's bunny slippers. [restrained laughter]
Cece: It's not... nothing.
Winston: Ferguson, you nasty.
Cece: Did you hit the button?
Winston: You see, he's a gentle lover. You understand? That's why you can't really hear anything, but you can feel what the slipper is feeling.
Cece: There's no sound.
Winston: No, you got to... He's a...
Cece: I can't hear anything.
Winston: He's a gentle lover.
Cece: There's no sound in there!
Winston: He's a gentle lover!
Cece: You're just there with the phone and there's no sound.

Quote from Winston

Winston: Listen, this is all part of our process, okay? So beat it.
Cece: Yeah. Shoo.
Winston: We got a song to write that's gonna give you the best damn aural you have ever had.
Cece: Check yourself.
Winston: Oh, A-U-R-A-L.
Schmidt: Mmm.
Cece: For your ears.
Winston: Yeah.
Cece: Noice. [Cece and Schmidt click their fingers]

Quote from Winston

Cece: We cannot let him get away with that, okay? We need to dig deep, Winston.
Winston: Do I look scared? [chuckles] Watch this. [Nick moaning] Oh, that's just Nick eating a microwave burrito.
Cece: No, that actually almost works.
Winston: Really?
Cece: Yeah.

Quote from Winston

Nick: What the hell is that?
Winston: Hmm? Oh, I recorded some candid audio. Yeah, I need this track to be real.
Nick: [moaning rhythmically on track]
Jess: [echoing on track] Reagan has a secret apartment.
Cece: [on track] A secret apartment?
Nick: [moaning rhythmically on track]
Schmidt: [on track] Haberman.
Jess: [on track] Reagan has a secret apartment.
Cece: [on track] A secret apartment?
Nick: Wait, what?
Winston: Thank you. It's missing a "what." [records] What?!
Nick: Reagan has a secret apartment?
Winston: You feeling it, huh?

Quote from Nick

Reagan: Let's talk about how mature it is for you to pretend to not care that I switched my job and moved across the country for you.
Nick: You came from Seattle, pal. That's down.
Reagan: Are you a cartographer now?
Nick: Am I a cartographer?
Reagan: Yeah, did you get your Bachelor's in map science?
Nick: That's what a map scientist is? A cartographer?
Reagan: Yes.
Nick: Why is everything a code with you? Just say map scientist.

Quote from Jess

Jess: This is definitely one of those creepy apartment complexes for divorced dads and child actors.

Quote from Nick

Nick: I just felt like if I came on too strong, It-it would scare you away. That's why I lied.
Reagan: It checks out.
Nick: I didn't want you feeling, like, you know, you were trapped in some sack.
Reagan: Trapped in a sack?
Nick: I don't want you to feel trapped in a sack.
Reagan: I wish you had used a less alarming analogy.
Nick: Yeah, women are always afraid of being trapped in sacks.
Reagan: It's a little dark.

Quote from Schmidt

Winston: Wow. Cowboy hat, hockey jersey, drinking from a Styrofoam cup. You called it perfectly, Cece.
Cece: [to Schmidt] Pick yourself up. Figuratively and literally, 'cause we still haven't fumigated for weevils.
Schmidt: Let the weevils take me away.


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