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‘Winston's Birthday’ Quotes

New Girl: Winston's Birthday

224. Winston's Birthday

Aired May 7, 2013

Jess's dad, Bob (guest star Rob Reiner), visits on the day after Jess and Nick hooked up. Cece is stressed as her wedding day approaches. Meanwhile, Elizabeth has doubts about her relationship with Schmidt, and Winston hopes somebody will remember his birthday.

Quote from Bob Day

Jess: Oh, my God. I have the chance to teach kids again.
Bob Day: You got to go.
Jess: Oh... Dad, you should come with me.
Nick: Yes, you should go with your daughter!
Bob Day: What am I gonna do, sit in your car and get mugged? I mean, I didn't gay my way out of Vietnam just to be killed by some punk. No, no. No, I'll stay with him.

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Quote from Nick

Bob Day: Come on, what's she like?
Nick: She's, uh, not quirky.
Bob Day: No?
Nick: She's got no bangs.
Bob Day: No bangs.
Nick: Uh, tall and fat.
Bob Day: Really?
Nick: Yeah. Really ugly eyes. Small, tiny little beady eyes.
Bob Day: Yeah. Yeah.
Nick: Her name is, uh, Yolanda Winston.
Bob Day: Yolanda Winston.

Quote from Bob Day

Nick: This girl really means a lot to me, Bob. And I just don't want to screw it up.
Bob Day: Why would you screw it up?
Nick: I don't want to make excuses, but my dad was kind of a... a piece of... You know, truth be told, Bob, I'm afraid I'm a lot like him.
Bob Day: The mere fact that you just said that means that you're nothing like your old man. Any girl would be lucky to have a guy like you.
Nick: You mean that?
Bob Day: Yes, I do.
Nick: Think I'm gonna say something that might make you real happy. That little girl I was talking about, Yolanda? Her name isn't Yolanda. It's Jess. She's your daughter.
Bob Day: I'll kill you! [Nick screams] You're dead! You're dead!

Quote from Bob Day

Bob Day: Jess, why are you picking him? He's a lazy, drunken cable thief. Wh-What's wrong with Wilson?
Jess: Dad, there's nothing wrong with Nick. You don't even know him.
Bob Day: I do know him. I know him. When I was young, I was confused, I was lost, I had no plan. But I went ahead and got married anyway. And if I had figured things out before I got married, I might still be with your mother. So I do know you. You're not your father. You're me. And I'm not good enough for my little girl.

Quote from Bob Day

Nick: Bob!
Bob Day: You. It's... you.
Nick: Nick.
Bob Day: Right. Nick. How could I forget that? Sorry to interrupt you. Wilson let me in. Well, what are you doing with that? That, uh, looks like lady food.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: So, are the reviews in?
Elizabeth: The reviews for what?
Schmidt: My new body. How it moves. Its pitch, its yaw. My perfectly sculpted pubic topiary.
Elizabeth: I liked how your body moved before you knew what to do with it.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: You never cared about what people thought. I mean, even last night, with the window open and the woof howls.
Man: [o.s.] It was very uncomfortable.
Elizabeth: Stop threatening to move, Bernie, and just move!
Schmidt: I love that about you. I'm gonna go to work. Do you want to have lunch later?
Elizabeth: It's still impressive, but did you lose weight down...?
Schmidt: It's slightly smaller. Doctors - no explanation.
Man: [o.s.] That's not normal.
Elizabeth: Shut up, Bernie!
Schmidt: Shut up, Bernie!

Quote from Nick

Nick: Oh, no, no, that, uh, that doesn't work.
Jess: That's a bad idea.
Nick: That's - I've-I've got stuff I got to do, so...
Jess: Yeah.
Bob Day: Stuff? You don't have any stuff. Name one stuff.
Nick: Documents.
Bob Day: Documents?
Nick: Yeah, I got documents.

Quote from Jess

Cece: [on the phone] Just hang on. I can't hear you. I can't hear you. [to the room] Guys, it's too loud in here, okay?! Uncle Shishir! [on the phone] He had one scene with Salman Khan in Dabangg 2, and all of the sudden he thinks he's Amitabh Bachchan in Jhoom Barabar Jhoom.
Jess: I could just tell you later.
Cece: I am exhausted, and I still have to go pick up my wedding sari, and I still have to get my hands henna'd.
Jess: Okay, look, just send everybody to their hotels. I'll have Winston pick up your sari, and then after you're done having your hands tattooed, take a nap. Now hand the phone to Shishir.
Cece: Uncle. Jess.
Jess: Shishir, you son of a bitch. You little son of a bitch. It is not your day!

Quote from Winston

Winston: Surprise! Yeah, you can come out now! I see some-some food over here. Where my cake at? Hey, where my cake at?!

Quote from Nick

Bob Day: Wait-wait a minute. Hold-hold on, hold on. What are you doing? Lettuce, tomato, lettuce, meat-meat-meat-meat-meat- meat-meat-meat-meat, cheese, lettuce.
Nick: You're a sandwich genius. Is there anything you don't know everything about?
Bob Day: Try me.
Nick: All right, I will try you. I've got a question about Yolanda Winston.
Bob Day: Sure.
Nick: Well, we've only slept together once, but, Bob, I don't know what she wants.
Bob Day: Well, the first thing you got to figure out is what do you want.
Nick: Well, I don't know how you get a podcast, but you should look into it.

Quote from Jess

Cece: Um... All gone?
Jess: Burkas isn't you guys, is it?

Quote from Cece

Jess: Okay, look, um, Cece, I think maybe you should call Shivrang.
Cece: I don't want him to see me like this, Jess! Like, what have you done?!
Jess: What have I done? You're the dummy who fell asleep on your hands!
Jess: I'm so sorry. That shouldn't have come out of my mouth. That was really uncool. I've just had a crazy 24 hours, and... I slept with Nick last night.
Cece: You slept with Nick?
Jess: I don't know. I think it might be the start of something, like, really amazing.
Cece: Mm-hmm, sure.
Jess: I don't want to get my hopes up, but it could be something. Could not be something.
Cece: Makes sense.
Jess: I don't know.
Cece: I have a full beard!

Quote from Cece

Cece: Jess called you?
Shivrang: Yeah, she said you needed me. She also told me to watch out for the girl who looked like Mandy Patinkin.
Cece: We can't get married like this.
Shivrang: Hey, look, if this is our biggest problem, I'll take it. I'll make a call and fix it.


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