Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Parents’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

New Girl: Parents

208. Parents

Aired November 20, 2012

Jess's divorced parents, Joan (Jamie Lee Curtis) and Bob (Rob Reiner), come to town for Thanksgiving. Meanwhile, Schmidt battles his cousin, Big Schmidt (Rob Riggle), for the Schmidt name.

Quote from Bob Day

Bob Day: You know, it doesn't take a genius. All you got to do is follow the money.
Nick: Always follow the money. That's what I always say. You always follow the money.
Bob Day: Yeah, yeah. Oil companies.
Bob Day: Pharmaceuticals.
Bob Day: Big business, chicken corporations.
Both: Corn.


Quote from Nick

Nick: Oh, really? Is there another guy on Twilight, that there's a bit of a love triangle with?
Bob Day: Yes. It's the same as Twilight...
Nick: Does Twilight have a wolf in it?
Bob Day: Yes.
Nick: It does?
Bob Day: Yes.
Nick: Is Twilight in Seattle?
Bob Day: Yes!
Nick: Well, then whoever wrote that is smart.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Yeah, but know this, all right. Your caveman ideas about manhood are so over. Manhood today is about exfoliation.
Big Schmidt: Ha!
Schmidt: And cheese courses, and emotional honesty, and Paxil. And yes, cutting peppers in the classic style de julienne. You may have bested me in a competition of pre-Clinton manhood, but I am Schmidt. A refined and enlightened pescetarian. About 90% of the time.

Quote from Nick

Nick: I don't know if Jess has told you this, but I am writing a novel.
Bob Day: Oh, really?
Nick: Yeah.
Bob Day: What's it about?
Nick: It's about zombies.
Bob Day: Zombies?
Nick: And it's a relationship story. It has a great love story in there that could be made into a movie, I think.
Bob Day: The love story's between... whom?
Nick: The zombie and Carol.
Bob Day: Zombie and the-the... Carol is not a zombie? She's a regular person?
Nick: No, she's a rich girl.
Bob Day: Oh, so it's like the Twilight thing where...
Nick: It's not like the Twilight... No, it isn't.
Bob Day: Where the vampire falls in love with a regular person.
Nick: You don't really... you don't get it.
Bob Day: It's the same thing.

Quote from Jess

Cece: Well done, Jessica Day.
Jess: Pardon?
Cece: "My mom's coming at 9:00 a.m. and my dad's coming at 2:30."
Jess: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Cece: The movie you made me watch a million times.
Jess: Rocky IV?
Cece: Parent Trap.
Jess: What? I don't...
Cece: Mm-hmm.
Jess: Why would I do that? Parent Trap... crazy.

Quote from Joan Day

Joan Day: Just explain to me again why we're doing this.
Jess: Because, when Cece's all washed up as a model, she wants to be a makeup artist. And I want to help her realize her dreams.
Cece: Yeah, it's my plan B.
Joan Day: Okay, stop. Seriously, it's just too much. The makeup and-and your dress? The only reason I wear makeup in Portland is to keep the rain off my face.

Quote from Joan Day

Cece: Joan, I just want to say that I'm really happy that, you know, we got past all that.
Joan Day: Come here, Cece. Give my little girl drugs again... I will end you.

Quote from Bob Day

Bob Day: No, no, no, no, it was my mistake, it's my mistake. I'll wait five hours and come back when Joan's shift is up.
Joan Day: [o.s.] Bob, just stay. What if we need something ruined?
Jess: Mom!
Bob Day: It's all right, I'll spend my holiday at a Los Angeles coffee shop...
Jess: No...
Bob Day: sitting around with people who have nothing better to do on Thanksgiving than work on their screenplay. I probably won't want to blow my head off.

Quote from Bob Day

Bob Day: Seems like every time they want to move a team to Los Angeles, the team that's most likely to move here, the owner Al Davis...
Nick: Dead.
Bob Day: And then they talk to the, to the Ravens and their owner Art Modell...
Nick: dead.
Bob Day: Dead. You know what I mean? Who- Who's going to speak out for us, I mean, the voice of the NFL ... Steve Sabol? Dead.
Nick: Also dead.

Quote from Nick

Jess: Hey, Nick, what are you doing?
Nick: I don't know, Jessica. I'm a little bit confused. I think I'm into your mother.
Jess: What?!
Nick: I don't know how it happened.
Joan Day: In truth, it happens all the time, Nick.
Nick: I don't know if it's the sweet sounds of Jimmy Croce or the sweet smells of this turkey...

Page 2 
 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode