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‘Es Good’ Quotes

New Girl: Es Good

609. Es Good

Aired December 6, 2016

When Jess and Robby can't agree on where their relationship is, they start seeing other people and agree to a double date. Meanwhile, Schmidt needs man-of-the-people Nick to help him interact with his contractor.

Quote from Robby

Robby: Hi, uh, I'm looking for a girl named Jess! She wears glasses. Kind of like this? I know that's not a lot to go on, but the glasses are, like, her-her whole thing really.

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Quote from Robby

Jess: Is that a gold record on your wall?
Robby: Hmm? Oh, yeah. I-I played bass on a Santana album.
Jess: Who are you?

Quote from Robby

Jess: You work in a factory?
Robby: Well, no, actually, um, I design them.
Jess: Oh, well, that's not fascinating at all. [chuckles] That's fresh from the sarcasm factory, 'cause it is fascinating. Thought you would've mentioned that before.
Robby: You guys ask me surprisingly little about my personal life.

Quote from Nick

Nick: That's a nice grain.
Jason: Great grain.
Nick: Got to cut with the grain.
Jason: Uh, always.
Nick: Watch the fingers.
Jason: It's a living.
Nick: Get the hands dirty.
Jason: Yeah, you know, early bird gets the worm.
Nick: [laughs] Clean your jeans.
Jason: Ask her what time it is, she'll tell you to build a watch, you know? [both laugh]
Schmidt: Would you look at that?

Quote from Nick

Nick: Aren't those the copper pipes for our bathroom?
Jason: These are extra. I'm gonna use them on another job.
Nick: Oh, at another job. Oh, it... and he left with them.
Schmidt: What does he do? I don't understand... What's happening? What is happening?
Nick: Oh, I get it. I get it. We got ripped off.
Schmidt: God... I knew it.
Nick: How did I not see this coming? Maybe I've lost touch with the people. Serves me right being such a damn success. I'm sitting in my ivory tower like Dan Brown!
Schmidt: Nick, you're a very talented writer, but you're no Dan Brown. You've never even had anything published.
Nick: Well, if I'm no Dan Brown, and I'm no man of the people, then who am I?
Schmidt: Stop having an identity crisis! Now is not the time.

Quote from Robby

Jess: You weren't actually in Santana. You just met the band when you were delivering pizza to the studio?
Robby: Carlos found out that I played bass somehow, and then he asked me to sit in.
Jess: Huh.
Robby: Thus began the brief career I had as a studio session musician when I was a junior in high school.
Jess: I managed the girls JV wrestling team.
Robby: That's really cool, too.
Jess: It was cool.
Robby: Mm-hmm.
Jess: Anyway, tell me literally everything that's ever happened to you.
Robby: You should just watch the PBS special.
Jess: What?!
Robby: I saved a guy's life.
Jess: What? Whose life?
Robby: Do you know who Elon Musk is?

Quote from Winston

Winston: So, what are we looking at here? Uh, open relationship? Friends with benefits? The old "dog and bone" situation?
Jess: We're just two people hanging out in a cool and modern way. [Jess & Robby high-five] Welcome to the future.
Schmidt: What exactly is a "dog and bone" situation? I'm assuming you-you're the bone...
Winston: You know damn well I was the bone! Almost broke my neck.
Nick: I am terrified about what women have done to you, Winston.
Winston: We all got to get off, right. We all got to get...
Nick: I'm gonna need you to leave.
Winston: I saw that coming.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Well, Cece and I have moved on to a very different and more exciting chapter. We'd like to invite all of you to a walkthrough of our new kitchen. We have finally have walls.
Nick: Got the walls!
Jess: Wait, you're just getting walls now? Who's building your house? Congress? [laughs]
Robby: So relevant.
Jess: To the news of today.
Schmidt: Truth be told, we've had some trouble with our contractor. He's a real Joe Public. Just a newspaper-and-dump kind of guy.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Now, can we please focus? We are doing a formal walkthrough. Behold, the kitchen of tomorrow. Where are the dang walls?! Mr. Jason said one week at the latest. No! No! No!
Nick: Uh, a minute alone with the boy?
Nick: Hey, bud.
Schmidt: Nick... I am at my wit's end here. Should I call the Better Business Bureau?
Nick: Better Business Bureau... that's not a real thing...
Schmidt: It's a very real thing... and as a man who co-owns a small business with you, I'm alarmed.
Nick: You just got to know how to talk to these people.
Schmidt: There's Mr. Jason over there. See the brunette with his arms crossed?
Nick: Okay, let me take a crack at this. And don't call men brunettes. We've talked about this before.

Quote from Jess

Jess: Where does a modern girl go to make a fake guy real?
Cece: That is an insane combination of words.
Jess: It's not the Internet, a bar or a nightclub, 'cause I'm uncomfortable with all those.
Winston: You're taking a lot of options off the table.
Cece: And are you sure you're just not scared to get serious with Robby because you don't want to get hurt?
Jess: No, I'm not scared, I just... don't want to start a relationship with someone I barely know. I mean, he has a boat. What's next, a kid? And then I have to meet the boat and the kid at some weird sea luncheon?

Quote from Schmidt

Nick: Nah, he's a good guy, he's a good guy. Salt of the earth. It's more about what's unsaid, you know? What it comes down to at the end of the day is respect. And I have it for him and he has it for me.
Schmidt: Interesting. So Mr. Jason doesn't respect me?
Nick: Oh, God, no.
Schmidt: Hmm.
Nick: I mean, Schmidt, I love you, but... but you're not a man of the people.
Schmidt: Of course I'm not a man of the people... I'm above the people. I want the people to build things for me.
Nick: And that's where I come in.
Schmidt: I can't rely on your... crass Chicago street smarts forever. I'm a homeowner, and I'm a husband, and hopefully, one day I'll be a father. If he's not gonna respect me, then I need to become someone that he will.
Nick: That sounds a little scary. Who-who are you looking to become, Schmidt?
Schmidt: You.

Quote from Schmidt

Nick: What'd I tell you? They're putting the electrical in.
Schmidt: Ta-da!
Nick: Don't say ta-da around these guys. And why are you wearing my clothes?
Schmidt: I'm you.
Nick: You are making this way creepier than it needs to be. But let's work on your stance, okay?
Schmidt: Okay.
Nick: You're gonna want to adjust your pants a lot, like watch me. Like this. Just like looking around, checking it out, adjust your pants; try it. Just do it normal, just do it normal. Don't make that face. Regular face. If you're gonna do anything with your shoulders, it's this. Just relax... No. You're doing this... Don't do that here. It's like this... Okay, let's try something else. I think you-you need to slouch a little bit, 'cause all these people have back pain.
Schmidt: Look, I'm sorry that I have good posture. I'm not on my hands and knees all day slapping hot tar on a roof. I'm sitting in an ergonomic office chair like a frickin' gentleman.

Quote from Nick

Nick: So, here's a way to give a compliment. It's... you insult somebody, that's a way to show affection. Like, hey, you ugly piece of crap, you got humongous ears.
Schmidt: So you're too insecure to show affection, so you do the opposite.
Nick: And if you're ever in a pinch, and the moment's getting on top of you, just mention the game. [whispering] You got this, man. You got this.

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: You know what's crazy? Not only did I get Mr. Jason to respect me, but I think I learned to respect him a little bit, too. I like the people; so wild and lazy.
Nick: If you want, I could take you to the store I get my jeans. It's actually just a Mexican supermarket.


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