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‘About Three Years Later’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

New Girl: About Three Years Later

701. About Three Years Later

Aired April 10, 2018

When Jess and Nick return from a European tour promoting the latest Pepperwood Chronicles book, everybody wonders why they aren't engaged. Meanwhile, Schmidt is determined to make Ruth's third birthday special.

Quote from Schmidt

Cece: "My name is Ruth Bader Parikh-Schmidt, and I am three today." Can you say that?
Ruth: Daddy's butt!
Cece: Close enough. Okay, but where is Daddy's butt? I got to get to the office.
Schmidt: Daddy's butt has been bleaching all outdoor playing surfaces. [removes face mask] You could prepare a chicken on that slide.

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Quote from Bob Day

Bob Day: [on the phone] Hey, bub. What's the holdup? It's been six months since I gave you my blessing. When am I gonna hear my daughter cry? Huh? I think I deserve to hear my daughter cry.
Nick: Bob, I'm proposing tonight. I've been planning on doing it all along when we got back home to the loft.
Bob Day: The loft? You visit every possible romantic proposal spot on the planet, and you pick that dump?
Nick: Because it's where we met, Bob. Look, I've got a whole plan. I haven't told anybody. So I mailed the ring from Europe. So when we're looking at the mail, I'll say, like, "Check this one out. This one's from Turkey. You should open it, Jess."
Bob Day: You mailed my grandmother's ring from Turkey?
Nick: I hired an Au pair. He was going there, anyhow.
Bob Day: A male Au pair?
Nick: Yes, a boy Au pair.
Bob Day: Look, look, I better get a phone call tonight with the news that my daughter has a fiancé.
Nick: Bob...
Bob Day: I don't even care if it's not you. Okay?

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Settle down! Settle down or I'm gonna turn off the music! Try playing musical chairs with no music! It's just chairs.

Quote from Schmidt

Jess: Feminist icons... very sophisticated theme. At my third birthday party, the theme was hamburgers.
Schmidt: Well, Ruth asked for Wonder Woman, so I ran with it, because this party has got to be perfect. You remember her first birthday.
[flashback to Winston stopping CPR on a magician]
Schmidt: Which led to a downtick in attendance at her second birthday.
[flashback:]
Winston: His greatest trick was making us remember.
[present:]
Schmidt: So this year, I invited every three-year-old in a ten-mile radius.
Cece: And now you can relax and enjoy your daughter's birthday party?
Schmidt: Yeah. Uh, sure. "Relax and enjoy." You keep me young, Cece. Thanks. Ten years in marketing, three years in fatherhood and six months of planning this party, I feel like my entire life has been leading up to this very moment.

Quote from Schmidt

Cece: I'm gonna go set up the booze.
Schmidt: Oh, no, no, no. Booze is a last resort. It is shocking how much parents drink at these things. Last week, I saw a drunk mommy take a... take a boom boom in the bounce house. It was horrifying.
Jess: Ugh.
Schmidt: If you'll excuse me, I see a little boy over there who doesn't understand the meaning of "upscale casual."

Quote from Jess

Jess: Because of a pending Justice Department investigation, I can't tell you why I left Banyon Canyon. But I can tell you European Jess is a lot more fun than State's Witness Jess.
Russell: It sounds to me like you need a job. You should come work for me.
Jess: I don't actually know what it is you do. God, I was a terrible girlfriend. Anyway, Nick and I leave for the South American leg of his book tour soon. In Peru, they call Pepperwood El Gumbo Federalé.
Russell: Wait, Nick? You're still together? I've been married and divorced twice since I last saw you.
Jess: Yeah, well, you know, we haven't been together the whole time. We've had ups and downs, and twists and turns, but about three years ago, we figured it out and we've been together ever since. Sometimes it just takes dating your cousin for things to really fall into place.

Quote from Cece

[montage:]
Cece: Vodka Soda-Mayor. Right here.
Schmidt: Here you go, sir. A Rosé the Riveter.
Cece: A Ruth Bader Gin-sberg. I did that one.

Quote from Aly

Winston: [on the phone] Yeah. Coach, listen, I'm still waiting for your vote for those pictures that I sent you, so...
Aly: Winston, just pick your favorite.
Winston: Baby, they're all my favorite. Why can't you see that you being pregnant has made you more beautiful than ever? You know what?
Aly: Fine. I'll pick one, okay? Oh, my God, I am beautiful. Mother Earth. Creator. Giver of life.
Winston: Give that life.
Aly: I'm a walking miracle with magic inside.
Winston: Well, I mean, it happens to a lot of people, so it's not really a miracle, but I get it.
Aly: Look at that body. And there's a human inside of it?
Winston: Yeah.

Quote from Bob Day

Nick: [on the phone] Bob, I can't do it tonight. I'm sorry, but this thing has been ten years in the making, and everything about the proposal has to be perfect. And I'll know when the time is right.
Bob Day: You know what? I'm rescinding my blessing. You want to marry my daughter? You got to resubmit for a new blessing. And it better be as good as the first time you asked.
Nick: [sighs] Okay. Bob, I am in love with your daughter, and I will be for the rest of my life. I want to ask her to marry me, but only with your blessing.
Bob Day: All right, all right. Yeah, y-you got it. But this time there's a time limit on it. One month. You hear me? One month!
Nick: One month.

Quote from Nick

Nick: Look at those horny, horny hippos. I'm gay for you like that.

Quote from Jess

Nick: I love you.
Jess: I love you, too. And that's why we're capping off six months of European romance with the most romantic destination of all.
Nick: A three-year-old's birthday party.
Jess: [laughs] Wait till everyone sees what Mama's got on her finger.
Nick: I still can't believe it.
Jess: Me, neither.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Mommy is so good at her job, that she has to work on Saturdays. Now Daddy is gonna do his job, because these braids are straight-up dock ropes.
Ruth: Daddy, do the special braids.
Schmidt: I-I know. They're all... honey, they're all special.

Quote from Winston

Winston: Ooh. I need a break.
Cece: Ah! I cannot believe I let you talk me into this again. But we got to finish, 'cause Schmidt is gonna wonder where I am.
Aly: Winston! You rotated the mattress without me? Again? That is my job.
Winston: Uh, baby? Listen, you really shouldn't be carrying that.
Cece: He's right. You should listen to your husband. I'll... oh.
Aly: Don't eve... Just don't. I am seven months pregnant, and I will rotate as many mattresses as I want.
Winston: Aly would prefer that the world treat her like she isn't pregnant. Oh, which reminds me. BellyShots e-mailed me.
Aly: Mm-mm.
Winston: Our pregnancy glamour photos are ready, and we got to pick one. [Aly scoffs] So I'm mad at that. I mean, how'd they... how'd they get my e-mail?

Quote from Nick

Jess: Wait! Before hugs, we have something we want you to see.
Cece: Uh-huh?
Nick: It's a big deal.
Jess: We got in a Vespa accident!
Cece: Oh...
Nick: Look how much of my shin is missing! It's disgusting.
Winston: Where'd your shin go, man?

Quote from Jess

Jess: He made that Pocahummus from scratch?
Cece: Mm-hmm.
Jess: Oh, he's never going back to work.

Quote from Jess

Cece: I really thought you were gonna come back from Europe engaged.
Jess: Yeah. It would've been nice if he'd proposed, but you know what happens when we start talking about the future... we start freaking out. If the bird's stomach's full of bread, don't give him cheese crackers.
Cece: Can't not say it: love the nose ring.
Jess: Yeah, it was a big mistake.
Cece: Huge.
Jess: But not as huge as the neck tattoo.
Cece: The what now?
Jess: Yeah, neck tattoo. I've been telling people it stands for "Justice Shall Eventually..."

Quote from Jess

Jess: Son of a bitch! Is that who I think it is? You invited Russell? My Russell?
Cece: Mm-hmm.
Jess: My former Russell, my Fancyman?
Cece: Yeah, his son's in Ruth's tumbling class.
Jess: Russell has a three-year-old? That polecat doesn't stop. How many kids is that?
Russell: 50. From a hundred different women. Figure that one out.

Quote from Aly

Winston: Babe, there is a helium tank. Why are you doing balloons by mouth? Eh, I should've said that differently.
Aly: Because I can. Listen, Snail Eyes, I love that I'm bringing a child into this world with you.
Winston: That is the sweetest thing...
Aly: That is the only thing I love about being pregnant. Everything else, I hate. My butt is sore, my back is sore. I spend most of my day holding in farts. So you're gonna have to pick a pregnancy photo all by yourself, Winston. I would rather look at Nick's shin X-rays again.
Nick: I'll go to the car and get them.

Quote from Nick

Nick: [shudders] What the hell is that? You let him grow a mustache?
Winston: Relax. It's just a mustache.
Nick: That's not just a mustache. That's a porn star relief pitcher.

Quote from Winston

Winston: Hey. You're gonna tell him you hate it on his daughter's birthday?
Nick: What do you want me to do? You know he's gonna ask about it.
Winston: Be cool. Okay? We'll practice. [imitating Schmidt] Neck! Do you favor my moose-tache?
Nick: I hate it.
Winston: You'll be fine.

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