New Girl Quote of the Day
Thursday, December 9, 2021
Carol: Health is the most important subject. Screw up, and they "just" get pregnant. What's your safe sex lesson plan?
Coach: I don't know! Uh, lie to them and say condoms feel good? Uh, maybe tell them about my buddy who's got bumps on his thing? Maybe bring up Magic Johnson. Maybe bring up Kobe Bryant.
Wednesday, December 8, 2021
Schmidt: When Nick leaves, I'm going to call a plumber and just throw cash at him while he works. Fitties and hunnits, hunnits, hunnits.
Tuesday, December 7, 2021
Nick: I'm going to shut up until we say good-bye. And then... I'm gonna hit her with a Goosebumps Walkaway.
Schmidt: I don't know who he is. Is he an old-fashioned baseball player?
Nick: Goosebumps Walkaway is the line that they guy says to the girl in the movie that gives her goosebumps and then he walks away forever. It's that line that...
Schmidt: That haunts her. That consumes her. That rings in her ear for all of eternity, granting you...
Both: [whispering] Immortality.
Nick: You're damn right. Immortality.
Monday, December 6, 2021
Jess: So, you know in horror movies when the girl's like, "Oh my God, there's something in the basement. Let me just run down there in my underwear and see what's going on in the dark", and you're like, "What is your problem? Call the police", and she's like "Okay" but it's too late because she's already getting murdered. Well, uh, my story's kind of like that.
Sunday, December 5, 2021
Jess: None of that's girlfriend stuff. That's all good friend stuff.
Cece: Okay, let me, uh, toss out a hypothetical to you, okay? Nick has a piece of lint on his sleeve. Do you go, "Hey, bud, you got some lint on your sleeve"? Or do you pick it off?
Jess: I don't see how that's relevant.
Cece: Yes, you do. Because you are a rabid watcher of The Crown.
Jess: I watch a lot of shows.
Cece: And so therefore, you know... that picking lint off of a man's sleeve... is the most intimate gesture.
Saturday, December 4, 2021
KC: You're a cop?
Winston: Me? [laughs] A cop? No! No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't... No, no, no. Get that out of your head. Uh, what I do is I'm a... male stripper.
KC: A stripper?
Winston: That's why they were wearing the uniforms. Yeah, I see where you... why you would think that. No. A surprising amount of day work for a stripper. You know, we just go in there, we do our routine while they eat their lunch salads.
Winston: You just pray nobody orders soup. Lost a lot of good men to soup. [short laugh] It's hard to gauge temperature when you're just... dipping and running. You'd be surprised what you could replace a ladle with.
Friday, December 3, 2021
Jess: I'm happy to lend you a bra, but I don't think I have anything that would fit you. That's the Peter Pan. That'll smash 'em down good, but you'll never get those in there.
Cece: I know. I just wanted to see what it would feel like to be your size.
Jess: Are we doing, like, a boob Freaky Friday? Because I don't want to lug yours around. They're a load.
Cece: I know. That's the whole point. That's why all the women in my family have back trouble, you know? [groans] So, now that I have insurance, though, I was thinking maybe I could have, like, breast reduction surgery.
Schmidt: [o.s.] No! [frantic knocking]
Jess: I wonder who this is.
Friday, December 10, 2021
Saturday, December 11, 2021
Sunday, December 12, 2021
Monday, December 13, 2021
Tuesday, December 14, 2021