New Girl Quote of the Day
Saturday, January 16, 2021
Winston: Whoa, whoa! Why you taking back your lamp?
Nick: I think you just answered that when you called it my lamp.
Winston: No, man. Squatters' rights.
Nick: What's wrong? You still afraid of the dark?
Winston: What? No. Dude.
Nick: 'Cause, if you are, I'll leave this behind.
Winston: Nick, first of all, I'm not afraid of the dark. But if I were afraid of the dark, that would be a totally rational, adaptive evolutionary response.
Nick: Good night, Winston.
Winston: That's ridiculous. I'm not afraid of the dark.
Nick: Good night, sweetheart. [ghoulish] Unless the monsters get you. [closes door; opens door again to scream]
Friday, January 15, 2021
Cece: I will take a big old glass of booze-water. Got an antacid commercial tomorrow and I'm playing day-old curry.
Thursday, January 14, 2021
Coach: Do you think a good subject line is "The Inside of You"?
Schmidt: Hey, you know, I bet I could spot this spider a lot better if I was on your shoulders.
Coach: Do not ask me again to get on my shoulders. That's a once-a-year thing, and you already used it on Halloween, when we were ten-foot-tall Ralph Macchio.
[flashback to them struggling to get into the elevator as a ten-foot-tall Karate Kid]
Schmidt: That was cool.
Coach: I didn't like that. I could feel your genitals on the back of my neck like an airplane pillow.
Wednesday, January 13, 2021
Schmidt: Well, congratulations on having sisters, but I know women. You blindfold me, spin me around and drop me into a rainstorm, and I'll still find the G-spot.
Schmidt: Let us not forget that I had boobs for the first 19 years of my life. I grew up as a fat, asexual friend-zoner. You can't buy that kind of access.
Tuesday, January 12, 2021
Nick: Do I ever finish writing my zombie book?
Older Nick: Z is for Zombie?
Nick: Great title. Do we ever get rich and famous?
Older Nick: Three words: Hot, air, balloon.
Nick: Do we invent them? No, they've been invented.
Monday, January 11, 2021
Jess: Ian! Wait. I'm so sorry I lied, and you don't owe me anything, but could I just ask you one thing before you leave?
Ian: What is this, an exit interview?
Jess: Is there any good way I could have told you about my living situation?
Ian: Okay, you know what? Fair question. Um... no!
Jess: Look, Nick was just trying to help me.
Ian: Clearly, he would do anything for you. I mean, he went so far as to hire an actual gay man to play his cheating lover.
Jess: What? Oh, my God. You know what? I think that was Schmidt. He's... not gay.
Ian: When are the lies gonna stop?!
Sunday, January 10, 2021
Nick: Can we please stop competing with these fad bars? I hate fads, man.
Schmidt: Nick, just a small little piece of important, friendly advice: you need to give your Ds more emphasis. Fads.
Nick: What I said.
Schmidt: You're gonna get yourself in trouble.
Nick: By hating fads?
Schmidt: That's... maybe just change it to "trendy" bars. Or "hip" bars.
Nick: We need to stop competing with trendy, hip fad bars?
Sunday, January 17, 2021
Monday, January 18, 2021
Tuesday, January 19, 2021
Wednesday, January 20, 2021
Thursday, January 21, 2021