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‘Walk of Shame’ Quotes

New Girl: Walk of Shame

418. Walk of Shame

Aired March 3, 2015

Jess and Cece take the "walk of shame" after spending the night with two guys from the bar. Meanwhile, Coach is embarrassed to invite Nick and Winston to an art gallery where May is performing.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: You ladies need to be very careful. Blow-out can give a woman too much confidence. Make them take on things that they can't handle. Hillary Clinton.

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Quote from Jess

Jess: What are we gonna do?
Cece: My phone's dead.
Jess: My phone is dead, too.
Cece: I have no cash.
Jess: Now, what are we gonna do? Are we gonna walk?
Cece: My feet are wrecked, okay? And carrying shoes? That's legit walk of shame.
Jess: Please stop saying "walk of shame." Also "legit." Not crazy about that word, either. If that South African runner who killed his girlfriend can run with no legs, we can walk in heels.

Quote from Cece

Cece: All right. Confession. I did not sleep with Ken, either. Yeah, we started hooking up and then I called him... Schmidt.
Jess: That's okay. It happens.
Cece: Twice.
Jess: Whatever.
Cece: Four times.
Jess: Okay, that's bad.
Cece: I know, I felt so bad afterwards, I straightened up his room. I am a grown woman that is in love with her ex-boyfriend that has a girlfriend. And I've been stealing my neighbor's Wi-Fi. I mean, what have I become?

Quote from Cece

Cece: Excuse you! Those little bitches throwing us shade? Hey! Keep it moving! [both laugh] This is a middle school vice principal and can give both of you detention.
Jess: Hey, would one of you let us use your phone in exchange for... [goes in Cece's purse] Cece?
Cece: What?
Jess: Cheese and a condom?
Cece: It's for emergencies.

Quote from Coach

Coach: How could you guys do this to me?
Nick: We didn't do anything. You embarrassed yourself. Actually, you embarrassed us. And you do it all the time, Coach. Like how you sit on the hood of your car when you pump gas into it. I mean, what, are you in Dukes of Hazzard, you idiot?
Coach: I saw Isaiah Thomas do it on a poster once, and it was cool.

Quote from Winston

Schmidt: Oh, he's on a jog with May. You know, I think he might've met his match with that one. Rumor has it they haven't even kissed yet.
Winston: What was all that noise in their room if they haven't kissed yet? That's weird.
Nick: Stop listening by everybody's rooms for sex sounds, Winston.
Winston: [laughs] Listen, if I'm not getting it...
Nick: Hey! Hey!
Winston: I want to make sure everybody else is getting it.
Nick: Winston, I mean it, man.

Quote from Jess

Cece: Look, I had no choice, okay? He's sleeping on my shirt. We need to go! Walk of shame! Let's make a move.
Jess: Wait a minute. Why do women have to have a label for going home in the morning when for men it's just... going home? Why don't we just call ourselves what we are? Two respectable women rushing to their car.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: It's a good thing that I'm coming with you. I know a ton about classical music. I played the ghost of Rachmaninoff in a loosely based high school production of Shine.

Quote from Paul

Jess: Los Angeles! [shoes squeaking] We are sluts and we are clowns! But we are not losers!
Cece: We are not losers!
Paul: Yes! No, we're adventurers!
Winston: Shame, shame, I know your name.
Paul: Ah... yo, Nicholas!
Nick: Hey, Genzlinger! I miss you, man! Great shoes!
Paul: Guess what, guys, I'm still here. Take that, Lyme's disease!

Quote from Winston

Nick: Your hair looks so different.
Jess: Well, get used to it, boys. 'Cause we're single, we're sophisticated. And we just went to a place to get blow-outs.
Coach: What's a blow-out?
Jess: You know how it's impossible to make your own hair look amazing?
Schmidt: Uh, I do not.
Winston: Yeah, you know whose hair I admire? Jesus. Man, dude's hair get overlooked because of all the miracles and stuff.

Quote from Winston

Nick: So, there's a place that just blows out your hair?
Jess: Well, they wash it first.
Nick: So, essentially they create a problem, and then charge you to fix it. Here's a, a business idea I just thought of. Why don't I break the heels off your shoe, and then charge you to glue them back on?
Winston: Or, uh, take your sore back and adjust it. Which would, uh, just make me a chiropractor.

Quote from Jess

Jess: Cece, I know these guys are weird, but parties have cute guys who aren't Schmidt. What did Charisma say while he was washing our hair?
Cece: He said he was worried about Taylor Swift living in New York all alone.
Jess: Well, yeah, we all are, but he also said that we need to embrace our freedom. We're single. We can do whatever we want! The only thing stopping us is us. And Charisma made us promise not to waste these blow-outs.
Cece: Our hair does look so good right now.
Jess: Let's do this! Let's go to this party! Let's see where this journey takes us!

Quote from Jess

Jess: [on the phone] Nick, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up!
Male Voice: The voice mailbox for...
Nick: Penis Wilson.
Male Voice: ...is full. Good-bye.
Jess: And there it is. All the numbers I know by heart.
Cece: That's more than me.
Jess: [to the young girls] Learn from us. Also, never open a line of credit for your boyfriend no matter how talented of an artist he is.

Quote from Jess

Jess: Uh, we are walking. We're walking.
Cece: All right.
Jess: This is a legit walk of shame.
Woman: [in passing car] Rough start, ladies!
Jess: It was the blow-out. It was the blow-out.
Cece: It's gonna be okay.

Quote from Schmidt

Coach: Ugh, I can't believe we have to go to that stupid music thing. I just found these two-for-one coupons to the water park.
Schmidt: Wow.
Coach: They reopened the wave pool because it's been two years to the day since that guy died.
Winston: R.I.P., Mike Beakman.
Schmidt: All right, you know what? I'll... I'll take one for the team. You guys go to the water park, and I'll go with Coach.
Coach: Really?
Schmidt: My eyes react poorly to children's urine anyway. Don't ask me how I know that.

Quote from Jess

Cece: I think this is rock bottom.
Jess: Cece... I have to tell you something embarrassing.
Cece: What?
Jess: I didn't sleep with Bearclaw last night. I did something even worse. We made up a musical about woodland creatures.
[flashback to Jess and Bearclaw singing:]
Jess: Owls and squirrels and deer
Bearclaw: Raccoon and caribou
Jess: And otters
Bearclaw: Get out of here, you're not welcome
Jess: Get out of here
Bearclaw: Get out of here Caribou, caribou...

Quote from Jess

Cece: Why did you make it seem like...
Jess: Because I didn't have a one-night stand like a normal woman. I stayed up all night pretending to be a singing tree.
[flashback to Jess and Bearclaw singing:]
Jess: [both sing] I'm just a dumb old tree
Bearclaw: No, you're not, take it back
Jess: Nobody ever pets me-e-e-e
Bearclaw: 'Cause you're just a tree
Jess: They just eat my nuts
Bearclaw: Eat my nuts, eat my nuts.
[present:]
Cece: You're right. That is way more shameful.

Quote from Coach

Coach: Why you guys dressed up all nice? Huh? Talking all polite and stuff. What-What's going on?
Nick: Oh, we're just here for the culture and, uh, the spectacle of it all.
Coach: Really?
Nick: And to make you look like a stupid piece of crap for thinking we'd be an embarrassment to you.
Coach: I'm patting you down.
Nick: Hey. I'm an American citizen. I request a female if you're gonna do that.

Quote from Jess

Jess: Just because I don't have a husband or a baby or a house doesn't mean I'm not living right. We're still growing and changing. And that's a good thing. [grabs Cece's hair] Look at this hair. This is single-girl hair. This is adventure hair. This isn't boring, married, settled hair. This is... this is fun. We're fun. You know what I did last night? I got totally obliterated, and I made up a musical fable with a guy named Bearclaw, and it was better than sex. [sings] I'm a little fox, but I'm not that sly What can I say? I'm an honest little guy.
Paul: Well, I'm glad things are good...
Jess: You know what, Genzlinger? I don't care what you think of me. 'Cause this is my journey. Welcome to my freaking journey.
Paul: Great, I wish you luck...

Quote from Jess

Woman: You ready?
Paul: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Jess: That's not Jenn.
Paul: [sighs] Nope. This is not my house, okay? This is not a daddy diaper bag. This is a bag of sadness. Because I am a party clown. [squeaks] I'm actually a musical party clown, okay? So no one's had a more shameful walk this morning than me. [squeaks]
Jess: What happened to Jenn?
Paul: Thanks for bringing that up. Salt in the wound. She left me. You know what I did last night? I'm gonna tell you. I masturbated to pornography that I had to draw on the back of an envelope. [Cece and Jess point to the mother]
Jess: [chuckles] He's great with kids.
Woman: Who are you?
Jess: I'm a Liza Minnelli impersonator. [sings] Ah...

Quote from Winston

Coach: [to Schmidt] You put ChapStick on like a little girl putting on lipstick for the first time.
Winston: [chuckling] It's way too much puckering.
Schmidt: Winston, you know what, you shut up.
Winston: Cold busted.
Schmidt: You're the most embarrassing one of our friends by far.
Nick: With your singing.
Schmidt: Your outfits.
Coach: And the crystals.
Nick: Your mural.
Coach: The mustache.
Schmidt: Your fauxhawk.
Nick: With your bell.
Coach: Puzzles.
Schmidt: Your cat.
Winston: FYI-- you guys live with the cat, too. But at least I get to reap the benefits.
Nick: That.
Winston: Oh, oh. Look, it's not what it looks like, my man. Um, we're just trying to squeeze something out of my buddy. We'll be done when it comes out. [clicks tongue]

Quote from Nick

Nick: May didn't start liking you because you play some dumb instrument. She started liking you because you're cocky. And you're funny. What, you're afraid of her because she plays the standing-up guitar?
Schmidt: He's right, Coach, I don't know why we're trying so hard to make you fit in here. You're Coach,
sex in a sweat suit.
Coach: Yeah.
Nick: If I've taught you one thing, it's lead out with confidence. Follow up with comedy. And number trey, your home run, your triple-- have great looks. I got 'em, and I passed them on to you. So get out there, you beautiful peacock. Shake your tail feathers.
Coach: I mean, I'd rather not get these compliments with my pants down, but appreciate it.


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