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‘A Father's Love’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

New Girl: A Father's Love

213. A Father's Love

Aired January 15, 2013

Nick's father, Walt Miller (guest star Dennis Farina), comes to town with a scheme. Meanwhile, Schmidt and Robby team up to try win Cece back.

Quote from Schmidt

Robby: Do you think Cece and Pavun will make it?
Schmidt: I don't know. Really can't say. What I can say is that one arranged marriage did take place today. The marriage of Schmidt and Robby.
Robby: [laughs] Hell, yeah.
Schmidt: I only dread the day that we defeat all the Indians, and must face each other in a duel to the death.
Robby: Yeah. Buzz kill.
Schmidt: We're like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Except only one of us dies at the end of the movie. It's gonna be you. You're the one that's gonna die.
Robby: You want another beer?
Schmidt: Sure do, compadre.

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Quote from Robby

Cece: What are you two doing here?
Schmidt: Whoa, hey.
Robby: Cece?
Schmidt: Just nothing, we're just...
Robby: Yeah, you know. [to Schmidt] Do you think that she saw me?
Schmidt: What? Of course she saw you. Do you think she saw me?
Robby: Well, yeah, you don't have a hat on.

Quote from Robby

Schmidt: I feel like Cece's making a big mistake with this Indian guy. She should be with somebody like us.
Robby: Totally. White Guy Power. [off Schmidt's look] Okay, um... Cool Guy Power.
Schmidt: Now you're talking, Robby.

Quote from Robby

Robby: What are we gonna do?
Schmidt: I don't know. I mean, one billion Indian men is a daunting foe. Suddenly I feel sympathy for Pakistan. But it's like they say, "How do you eat an elephant, Robby?"
Robby: With chopsticks.
Schmidt: What?
Robby: Slowly, with chopsticks.
Schmidt: That's ... no ... with chopsticks?!
Robby: In a taco.
Schmidt: What?
Robby: Elephant tacos.
Schmidt: Elephant tacos? Who eats elephant tacos? That's not even a saying.
Robby: Oh.
Schmidt: One bite at a time, Robby.
Robby: One bite at a time.
Schmidt: Yes. One bite at a time.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: This is what I'm thinking. I use my superior powers of manipulation and persuasion to get Cece to take you back. Once we've neutralized the sub-continental threat, I smite you.
Robby: What?
Schmidt: What?
Robby: You said you're gonna smite me?
Schmidt: Smite ... defeat gloriously for Cece's hand.
Robby: No, I know what it means.
Schmidt: But that's someday. For now, let's scheme, my "broheem."
Robby: Okay... I just want to reiterate that I'm not on board with the smiting.
Schmidt: Whatever.
Robby: But I like the "broheem" thing a lot.
Schmidt: Let's concentrate on the broheem part. And smite later. Yeah, okay, yeah.
Robby: Cheers, broheem.

Quote from Robby

Schmidt: What do you think about this? We get a three-person canoe, okay? Then we got to her house and we rap on the door. She answers the door, she sees the three-person canoe. She realizes there's only two of us, and we say, "Ah, what a conundrum. Please join us."
Robby: How about this one? We get some night-vision goggles. All right, that's all I got. I don't... I don't know what else.
Schmidt: I mean, I would say Trojan horse, but...
Robby: In this economy?
Schmidt: I mean, we could always go on a hunger strike.
Robby: We enlist in the Navy, we quickly rise through the ranks, and then we can take her to the Naval Officer's Ball.
Schmidt: Feel like we're right there!

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: Oh, my... Nick, please do not angry-fix the sink.
Nick: I'm not angry-fixing. I'm fixing! You want to know why I'm messed up? Why I don't trust people? Why I have anger issues?
Jess: Oh, yes, I do want to know.
Nick: Why I have the blood pressure of a hummingbird? [rapid banging]
Jess: Do you think this is maybe about your dad?

Quote from Jess

Walt Miller: You really seem to care about Little Nicky.
Jess: I mean, look at him. He looks like Hilary Swank mixed with a sad, wet dog.

Quote from Jess

Walt Miller: Now, listen, I already got people standing by to take the horse off our hands. Horse semen in Dubai is gold.
Jess: No, you can't sell "A Father's Love." There's more to "A Father's Love" than just semen. Ew, poetic, but ew.

Quote from Nick

Winston: All right, Nick, we believe in you, man. Tell us, what's in the cup?
Nick: Ah, it's a hard one. It's a mini carrot. [everyone laughs] Onion and potato? [everyone laughs]
Schmidt: Dumbest boy in all the world. How are you so bad at Feely-Cup?
Winston: You are awful at this game.
Nick: Sea glass? I'm overthinking it.
Winston: If his life depended on this, he would die.
Nick: Battery.
Jess: When are batteries squishy?
Nick: I'm just kidding, I'm kidding ... I know it's not a battery. I'm kidding.
Jess: Feel, Nick.
Winston: Nick, will you be paying for bonus time?
Jess: He can't. He is all out of quarters.

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: Uh, Nick? Your dad's here.
Nick: Very funny, Schmidty, but my concentration will not be broken.
Walt Miller: Hey-ya, Nickels. Come on, kid, bring it in. Come on!
Jess: Hello, Mr. Miller. Welcome to our home.
Walt Miller: Feely-Cup?
Winston: Oh, yeah.
Walt Miller: Bring it on.
Winston: Watch this.
Walt Miller: Tampon... Wrapped in duct tape... And dipped... in baking powder.
Nick: Is that what it is? Oh, it is.
Winston: Boom! Next level Feely-Cup.
Jess: Hello, Mr. Miller.

Quote from Winston

Jess: Hey. So, what does Mr. Miller do?
Winston: Businessman.
Schmidt: He's a con man.
Jess: A what?
Schmidt: He is a con man.
Winston: He is a damn business ... What are you talking about?
Schmidt: He's a con man.
Winston: He's a businessman.
Schmidt: Winston's obsessed with Walt.
Winston: That mustache first of all ... what?! It's like the world's sexiest push broom.

Quote from Jess

Jess: A con man like, "What's the play?" The, uh, Ring-A-Doo Johnnycakes? The, uh, Hollow Leg Swap-Em-Out?
Schmidt: Yes, exactly.
Jess: Fake trombones for a fake band. Harold Hill! Music Man?

Quote from Winston

Winston: No, he is not a con man, okay? You know, he sometimes used to sell hats.
[flashback:]
Walt Miller: There you go, boys ... enjoy.
Young Nick: Thanks, Dad.
Young Winston: So many hats.
[present:]
Winston: Okay, technically, they were misprints.
[flashback:]
Boy: This says: "Chica Go Bills." Let's go, guys ... these hats suck.
[present:]
Jess: "Chica Go Bills" is, uh, actually Spanish for "Young girl, go Bills."
Winston: Who's gonna mess with a guy who's wearing a hat that says, "Young girl, go Bills?" I mean, the answer is everybody. They will, they mess with you.

Quote from Nick

Walt Miller: And so Nickels comes into my room screaming, "Daddy, Daddy." So I go, "What's wrong?" He says, "Daddy, I have a tick at the end of my tinkle."
Nick: Oh, my God! This is not a story for everyone.
Walt Miller: And sure enough, there is a tick at the end of his little penis.
Nick: Not a story for this moment.
Walt Miller: That's how he got the nickname "Little penis."
Nick: Oh, stop calling me that.

Quote from Winston

Walt Miller: What are we gonna do with this guy?
Winston: I have no idea, Pop-Pop.
Nick: Don't call him Pop-Pop.
Winston: That's his nickname.
Nick: The nickname is longer than Walt.
Winston: But that's the nickname that I gave him.
Nick: Yeah, but it's really weird that you call my dad Pop-Pop.
Walt Miller: I like Pop-Pop.
Winston: You don't get it. You don't get it.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: You know, when Nick is not working here, the service is abysmal. I mean, how many times did I have to repeat the words, "Lemon Drop shot"?
Cece: Yeah, I think he was making fun of you.
Schmidt: For what? Working hard and playing hard? I guess the joke is on me.

Quote from Nick

Nick: Back at the tracks with my dad.
Walt Miller: When Nick was a kid, he would come to the track with me all the time. And if I got in trouble, he would get me out of it by doing the Sugar Ray.
Nick: Oh, the Sugar Ray.
Jess: What's a Sugar Ray?
Nick: It's when I pretend to be a diabetic kid so the man who is threatening to beat up my father would run off scared.
Walt Miller: You see, we did have some good times, didn't we?

Quote from Robby

Robby: Schmidt.
Schmidt: Robby? Robby, what are, what are you doing here, man?
Robby: I'm spying on Cece.
Schmidt: Cece.
Robby: You know, I'm still in love with her, so... this is pretty much your basic broken-hearted spying thing. It's why I got this hat.
Schmidt: Aw, come on, Robby, you got to get over that.
Robby: Wait a second, are you spying on Cece, too?
Schmidt: [scoffs] No. What?
Robby: Are you still in love with Cece?
Schmidt: No, that's still... Yes, I am. It's killing me.
Robby: Me, too! Bring it in, man.

Quote from Jess

Jess: This is a very sad case. I mean...
Walt Miller: My niece, she goes to veterinary school. We're all very proud of her.
Jess: Top of my class.
Walt Miller: So, what do you, uh, what do you think?
Jess: Terrible horse. She's very sickly.
Walt Miller: He. He... He.
Jess: He... He. Oh! I wish I had brought my stethoscope. I'm seeing a lot of split ends. The mane is totally the wrong cut for the shape of his face.
Walt Miller: So you're saying that this horse, right now, the way it is, will never race again?
Jess: Damn it, Uncle Buck! This horse will never race again! Why did you fly me all the way out from Grenada if you weren't gonna listen to me? [quietly] Yes, con!
Walt Miller: Shh, shh, shh!

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