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‘Wedding Eve’ Quotes

New Girl: Wedding Eve

521. Wedding Eve

Aired May 10, 2016

On the eve of Schmidt and Cece's wedding, the gang hold a rehearsal dinner in the loft. Jess panics when she thinks Sam is about to propose, while Winston worries he scared Aly away with talk of their future.

Quote from Nick

Nick: Back to the basics, Schmidt. Okay, there's only seven types of stories.
Schmidt: Please, don't list them.
Nick: I'm gonna list them. Man vs. Man, Man vs. Dog, Dog vs. Zombie, James Bond, stories of kings and lords, women over 50 finding themselves after divorce, and car commercial.
Winston: My favorite is, uh, that Toyota, Uh... Ev-every... the family's in the car...
Nick: You're thinking of the food commercial.
Schmidt: Really? Fat boy talks to idiot.
Nick: Okay, eight, fat boy talks to idiot.

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Quote from Aly

Aly: Oh, Winston, now's really not a good time.
Winston: I know saying the word "bride" to you was a little crazy, But let me just explain myself, okay? What I meant to say is that you're beautiful. Every day with you is so much better. Your brain is banging. The skin-bag it comes in ain't too bad either. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You know what, except that I'm not sorry, okay? Because this is who I am.
Aly: No, Winston, I have food poisoning. Yeah, I don't know who let Nick's mute park friend cook dinner for 20, but I want to find and throw up on them.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: If you don't mind, I'd like to say a few words about my mom and my mom's...
Louise & Susan: My mom's friend Susan.
Schmidt: God, you guys, let me talk ["tawk"]. Look, Susan, I know I never fully accepted you. I just... I didn't know how long you were gonna be around. And, also, you used to call my mom the Big Ragoo and me the Little Ragoo, and I couldn't make any sense of it. But... You're a part of our family now. To my mom... And my mom.

Quote from Schmidt

Nick: You gonna barf?
Schmidt: [heaves] I muffed us! [sighs] I muffed us straight to the moon! I can never write my vows right now, I can barely even spell my own name. "S", jeans... Is that right? Is "jeans" not a letter? It feels like a letter to me.
Nick: Schmidt, this is...
Schmidt: I-I know it's something, is it not a letter?

Quote from Schmidt

Louise: Thank you for letting us stay in your room.
Schmidt: Of course.
Louise: I'm sorry your mother's not coming, Cece. Her disapproval of my son fills me with a hot rage. I've repressed into a cyst on my back.
Susan: It's grotesque. Sweet dreams, kid.
Schmidt: Night, Mom. Good night, my mom's friend Susan. Are you guys sure that you don't want to use the air mattress?
Susan: We sleep together.
Louise: We've been lovers since 1998.
Schmidt: [laughs]

Quote from Winston

Jess: I want to thank everyone for an amazing rehearsal dinner. Special shout out to Winston for a shockingly good toast. [all applaud]
Nick: Winston!
Cece: Insanely good.
Schmidt: Dipping in and out of French.
Sam: Powerful stuff, man.
Aly: Yay!
Winston: No. Blessings, blessings on all your households.

Quote from Winston

[as Schmidt and Cece kiss:]
Nick: Break it up!
Jess: What is this? The last night of drama camp?
Winston: Enjoy it while you can because it gets boring. Same old lips year after year with no spark, just dead tongues touching, like decayed salmon.
Schmidt: Oh, my god, Winston!
Winston: I did it!

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: How'd I lose it? I wear it around my neck. I even we... I even wear it when I got a spray tan.
Winston: Ooh. I think I know what happened.
Schmidt: What? [Winston picks a piece of debris off his shoe] 1Is that a piece of my flash drive?
Winston: Yes, it is. You see, earlier tonight, when we were practicing the hora...
[flashback:]
Schmidt: Winston, stop trying to throw me off the chair! That's not the game! [all cheering]
[present:]
Nick: I don't mean this anti-Jewish at all, but that insane Jew dance has ruined our lives.

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: My vows were like a novel. How much of your zombie novel do you remember?
Nick: Chapter one... "on Jack Granger's 41st birthday, he was shot in the face by his dog Ed."
Schmidt: Understand the situation that I'm in.
Nick: You are so lucky.
Schmidt: How-how am I lucky, Nick?
Nick: 'Cause one of the greatest writers of our time is about to enter this room. Would you like to meet him?
Schmidt: All right.
Nick: I'll go get him. [exits]
Schmidt: There's no way it's not him, right?
Winston: You think it's him?
Nick: [returns] It's me.

Quote from Nick

Nick: To write anything, you need to start with a big idea. In my last Zombie novel, Uh-oh Guts, the big idea was that there were too many guts. [chuckles] Schmidt, you're gonna say the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Cece.
Schmidt: Okay. Cece... Uh, what a...
Nick: You're too inside the thing. I-it's not that hard. Watch me do it.
Winston: Ooh, now we getting somewhere.
Nick: Here we go. Winnie the Bish, when you feel ready just say her name.
Winston: Her name.
Nick: I'm gonna need you to say, "Cece."
Schmidt: Okay, this is not working.
Winston: Cece.
Nick: Cece... Average worker. Uneducated, but kind. Wears shoes, boyish... Never really talked to her.

Quote from Winston

Schmidt: We're getting nowhere. Winston, I need some of that toast magic. What do you got?
Winston: I'm sorry, but I'm done speaking from the heart. I... Basically ruined my love life today. Here's my advice to you.
Schmidt: Okay.
Winston: Keep your guard up. Don't be too vulnerable around her.
Schmidt: What?
Winston: Be standoff-ish, close yourself. When she looks at you, cross your arms. Turn your back on her.
Schmidt: Whoa, whoa. For wedding vows, that's terrible advice.
Winston: Yeah... I get it, But you don't really, like, know how she feels. Did I do it?

Quote from Coach

Cece: Okay, Winnie, you said, "bride," to a girl you've been dating for a month?
Coach: I think it's sweet, shut up, Cece.
Cece: Shut up!
Coach: You shut up!
Cece: I miss you so much.
Coach: Oh, my god, I missed you.
Cece: Like, for real, missed you.
Coach: It's crazy being in New York 'cause I'm like, "Where's Cece?"
Cece: Right?!

Quote from Coach

Coach: How are you gonna ask me to help you play games with Aly, man? You don't want that. Be who you are. Now, the only way to find out why she left, is to go over there and ask her. Now.
Winston: Yeah, but...
Coach: Just do it! I don't yell in New York because everyone yells there and it's less meaningful, but I will yell here. Now push the button. God.
Winston: You really don't yell in New York?
Coach: Dude, I'm always in a museum.
Winston: Oh, my goodness.
Coach: I'm always in a museum.

Quote from Jess

Jess: No, I get it. You're in love with Diane. She's beautiful, she's your best friend, you're both doctors.
Sam: This morning, I... I went to drop her off at the airport, and I just... I just couldn't let her go, and it made me realize that I... I just... I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and, you know, uh, it's hard to express the feelings in words.
Jess: Really?! Really? Why can no one put this into words?
Sam: I'm-i'm so sorry about the timing. I just... I didn't want you to have to cut my photo out of all the, you know, wedding pictures. And then with Winston's toast, with the... All the talk about honor and integrity and the gig economy, I just...


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