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‘Single and Sufficient’ Quotes

New Girl: Single and Sufficient

603. Single and Sufficient

Aired October 4, 2016

Jess and her singles group crash Schmidt and Cece's glamping trip. Winston and Aly try to make up for lost sex, while Nick stays home to write his novel.

Quote from Jess

Robby: Oh, man. It's a really cool group, and we have our own motto.
Robby & Jess: "I'm single and I'm sufficient."
Schmidt: That's I-S-I-S. That's ISIS.
Cece: Th-that's ISIS.
Robby: Oh, my God.
Cece: You're asking people to join ISIS.
Robby: No, n-n-n-n-n-n-no.
Jess: As communication czar I should have caught that.

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Quote from Nick

Nick: What happened to you?
Schmidt: The Pepperwood Chronicles, that's what happened to me.
Nick: So it's really that bad.
Schmidt: Nick. This book... is magnificent.
Nick: What?
Schmidt: Julius Pepperwood? A hard-boiled Chicago cop turned New Orleans detective, racing around on fan-boats, drowning that two-faced DA in a bucket of jambalaya.
Nick: Yeah. Right in the jambalaya.
Schmidt: Finding John F. Kennedy... alive?
Nick: That wasn't too far?
Schmidt: It's a masterpiece, Nick.

Quote from Robby

Jess: Actually, I'm gonna go with my group. We rented a van. It has a built-in microwave. We're all really stoked about it.
Schmidt: You're not making me feel any better about this group of strangers.
Jess: Well, it's not all strangers.
Robby: [enters] Some of them are friends! [laughing]
Cece: Robby?
Schmidt: My Robby?
Robby: Yeah. I got here way too early, so I've just been standing outside, kind of waiting for my opportunity to enter. How'd I do?

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: I am so excited about this glamping trip. Sleeping bags are for hobos and children.

Quote from Nick

Nick: [on the phone] What about this dumb thing? When Pepperwood just watches a block of local news.
Schmidt: Oh, I found that part to be gutting, Nick. I mean, the irony that Pepperwood's violent world is being translated into sound bites for mass consumption...
Nick: That's just me transcribing Channel 3 News! I didn't even change the anchors' names!
Schmidt: It's called realism, Nick.
Nick: No.
Schmidt: Good-bye, genius.

Quote from Nick

Nick: Well, Schmidty, you pulled a real Mr. Miyagi on the whole "no notes, tough love" routine.
Schmidt: Let me see it. Ooh! Nick, there's a whole nother chapter here! How did you make this happen?
Nick: I worked... because of you.
Schmidt: And... who is this wise, denim-clad Jewish chaplain? Sch-Schmith?
Nick: That was the big thing. You helped me realize that Pepperwood needed a Schmith.
Schmidt: Okay. While it's an honor to be included in the world that you've created here, um... [sighs] the Schmith character seems, uh, grotesque.
Nick: Yeah, he's unlikeable.
Schmidt: I don't understand why, when we meet this character, he-he's kicking a puppy.
Nick: He's the bad guy... in Pepperwood's life. He's mean, he's... He's not somebody you want to introduce to Mom and Dad.
Schmidt: The cha... the character.
Nick: Schmith is a dirt bag. I have no respect for Schmith, and neither should anybody else.
Schmidt: I think that's a mistake to say those things about the character.
Nick: I appreciate what you're saying, but I'm happy with what I have. I don't need any notes.
Schmidt: Oh, now it's no notes?! Nick? Nick?!

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Okay, you know what? We need to make a pact to befriend at least one other married couple.
Cece: Yeah, but how are we gonna do that? We don't have a kid, and I refuse to take cooking classes.
Schmidt: I don't know. Maybe we just go to a Norah Jones concert, stand outside and look lost.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Is that my whiteboard?
Nick: You said I could have it.
Schmidt: Well, we both know that's not true, but if it helps you get more of this story out, then, yes, you are welcome to it.
Nick: Well, all right, Schmidt, hit me; I want your notes.
Schmidt: [knocks over whiteboard] No notes!
Nick: No notes?
Schmidt: No notes.
Nick: No notes?!
Schmidt: No notes.
Nick: No notes!
Schmidt: No notes.
Nick: No notes!
Schmidt: No notes. It's perfect, Nick. I want another chapter by the time I get back on Sunday.
Nick: Then I guess it's time for me to get to work.
Schmidt: My little wobbly-nosed Michael Chabon.

Quote from Aly

Aly: I love you. I miss you. I love you. I miss you. You clearly didn't get my text, because your pants are still on.

Quote from Robby

Schmidt: Robby, are you in this group?
Robby: [snorts]
Jess: [laughing] Is he in the group? Robby is the founder, president, and secretary of the group.
Robby: I formed the group after Nadia dumped me.
[flashback:]
Robby: I always use two sugars. My mom says 'cause I'm so sweet, you know. [Nadia tips the table over] Oh, whoa!
[present:]
Robby: I didn't want to be alone, but I also didn't want to be in a relationship.
Jess: And that's when he got the idea to bring people together to help each other stay single.
Robby: Yeah, we meet weekly for non-romantic companionship.
Jess: But most of all, we just have fun. Like last week, we shut down this Korean barbecue. We paid with 13 different credit cards, and we were asked to never come back again. It was epic!

Quote from Jess

Jess: Couples always try to talk down to singles. We can do everything that you guys can do.
Robby: I take myself out for a dessert date every Sunday.
Jess: Yeah, and yesterday, I had a backache, and I rubbed it myself, in a doorjamb.
Schmidt: This is bummin' me out. Is this group gonna be a bummer? Be honest.
Jess: Absolutely not.
[later, on the trip, Jess's group are all on horseback:]
Jess: [v.o.] There's Brenda. She's a circuit court judge who also teaches taxidermy class for kids. And Hugh. He grows his own onions. My former boss and current friend, Principal Foster. His hip surgeon has okayed him for sex, but he hasn't okayed himself. And of course, Robby, our leader. Have you ever seen a group more ready to have fun with themselves?

Quote from Schmidt

Cece: Just look at this view; we needed this so badly. It's-it's perfect.
Schmidt: Is it, though? [camera shutters clicking] Can you stop hogging the vista? There are other people who would like to take a photo. I don't want to lose this light. It's a traditional high-noon.
Jess: Don't couple-splain light to us.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Now, I'm only taking one shot, so if the first one's a silly one, you're gonna have to live with a silly one. Okay. One, two, three. There we go. Great photo.
Robby: I'm gonna need one, too. Actually, we're all gonna need one.
Schmidt: What?
Dr. Foster: Yeah, we don't share phones like you people.
Schmidt: Who shares phones? How would we call each other?

Quote from Robby

Jess: Hey. Oh, I was just... just playing a little single and sufficient badminton.
Robby: Well, I hope you worked up an appetite, because I'm gonna make my Singles Sliders.
Jess: Oh, yeah?
Robby: Okay, so what I do is I take the meat from three different sliders, and then I just sort of mash 'em into one big boy that stands on his own.
Jess: Oh. So, like a burger.
Robby: Yeah, it's like a burger except it's bigger.

Quote from Jess

Jess: Oh. Well, if it isn't Schmidt. Or should I call you Schmidt-tata 'cause you have so much egg on your face? You little Italian egg omelet.
Robby: [laughs, snorts] Nice.

Quote from Winston

Winston: Wow. Nick's book is astonishing. I thought it was gonna take forever, but... it was perfect.
Aly: He really brings you into the world. Every minor character is so well thought out. The newsboy? You could see his whole life.
Winston: And am I the only one who thought that the murderer's name was in the song?
Aly: The murderer's song was in the song! Ah. So good.
Winston: No notes.
Aly: Yeah.
Winston: Yeah.

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: [answers phone] Nick, if this is about notes, so help me God.
Nick: I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna stop bugging you until you note me, Schmidt.
Schmidt: All right, Nick. Here's a note. Stop cutting yourself off at the knees like a selfish coward.
Nick: Okay, great, great. I love the direction we're going. We're getting more critical, but can you refocus to the writing?
Schmidt: No, Nick, I cannot, and you want to know why? Because you are a writer. And a damn good one at that. But you're just too scared to admit it to yourself. Goodbye, sir. [hangs up]
Nick: No! Damn, you raven-haired dandy boy.


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