Schmidt Quote #1319
Schmidt: Oh, no. Ruth hasn't been signed out. Um, excuse me. Um, have you seen Ruth? Brown hair, smile that would shake the earth, hates peas?
Girl: A white man broke in today.
Schmidt: A... a white man?! No! Well, what did security do about it?!
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: I'm excited. I shaved my entire body last night. I feel like I could ride the wind to work.
Quote from Winston
Jess: Hey, buddy. So, two things. Um, first of all, we're not welcome back in the class. And, second, they're billing you for all ten classes.
Winston: Jess, what if I'm not ready to be a father?
Jess: Winston, that was a fake baby. Real babies' heads don't come off like that.
Winston: Jess, I was in that class and it made me realize that this baby is coming. What happens when I'm in that hospital and I see my son's face for the first time, coming out of Aly's butt?
Quote from Wig
Schmidt: You know, when we first met, I had to pretend that all kinds of things were wrong with you just so I wouldn't freak out. You know, like, I gave you a glass eye for a while. You had a wooden foot for a short period of time. There was one week where I pretended that you were a Democrat.
Cece: I am a Democrat.
Schmidt: [laughing] Ah, that's so funny. I love you.
Cece: Okay. So we tell Nick she has a glass eye.
Schmidt: He'll spin out. He'll think the eye is a government-issued camera taking pictures for Langley. [Cece scoffs] Nick's a conspiracy theorist. It's like an Irish carnival up there-- just potato peels, broken rides, fiddle music, dreams left unfulfilled, bloodied soccer jerseys, bunch of women limping around named Moira.
Quote from Hubbedy Bubby
Schmidt: [on the phone] Yes, hello. I'm calling to remind you to vote for a better America and a vote for a better America is a vote for Hubbedy Bubbedy.
Mary Ellen: Hillary Clinton.
Schmidt: That's what I said. Hibiddy Bibbidy.
Mary Ellen: It's Hillary.
Schmidt: Yes, I know.
Mary Ellen: Hillary Clinton!
Schmidt: And I keep saying that. Okay? Hubbedy Barry. Maria Conchita Alonso.
Mary Ellen: What's wrong with you?
Schmidt: Celery Flintstone. [hangs up] I can't do this! Vote for Paul Ryan in 2020! Paul Ryan in 2020! Paul Ryan! Give me that. [grabs another phone] Paul Ryan in 20... 2020, for President of the United States. Paul Ryan in 2020! [grabs another phone] Pau... Paul Ryan in 2020. President of the United States. Paul Ryan in 2020! Paul Ryan! Paul Ryan in 20... [struggling] Get off of me! You smell like a wet campsite.