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‘Cece Crashes’ Quotes

New Girl: Cece Crashes

105. Cece Crashes

Aired November 8, 2011

When Jess invites Cece to stay with them after a bad break-up, Cece convinces Jess that Nick has feelings for her. Meanwhile, Schmidt tries to close with Cece.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: It's cool, man. It's just a little color. In a couple days I'll be brown just like you, Cece. Because... because your culture is...
Cece: What is my culture?
Schmidt: It's, um... you're... Fff... Um... Jjj... Jaflan... Jafanese? Uh, Sa-Saudi... Saudiboo... Um... Monga...
Cece: My parents were born in India.
Schmidt: India... totally. Love India.
Winston: He really does. Hey, Schmidt, why don't you tell her about all the things you love about India.
Schmidt: Uh, sure. I love, you know, uh, I love Slumdog. I love naan, uh, pepper, Ben Kingsley, the stories of Rudyard Kipling. I have respect for cows, of course. I love, uh, the Taj Mahal, Deepak Chopra, anyone named Patel. I love monsoons. I love... I love cobras and baskets, Naveen Andrews. I love mango chutney, uh, really, any type of chutney. Teepees...

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Quote from Nick

Schmidt: Yes. I told you I'd come through. Okay, Benjamin just invited us to a very cool party.
Nick: No, I just got off three back-to-back shifts at the bar. I just want to sit here all weekend in silence playing this game, then I want to go in my room and do weird stuff on my computer.

Quote from Schmidt

Winston: Are you even wearing underwear? What is between you and that chair?
Schmidt: Just a little bit of sunshine.
Winston: [chuckles] All right, take off that kimono, please.
Schmidt: It's my leisure wear, Winston. Look, I worked 80 hours this week. I just want to come home, put on my 'mono and just hang loose, man. Okay? If you had a job, you'd understand.
Winston: R-Really? Wow! It just got real in here. Okay, you're not gonna take the kimono off? Fine. Then I'm not wearing any pants. Boom! Bam! Mm-hmm. Everybody want to just walk around this house wearing all kinds of stupid stuff, then guess what I'm gonna do, Schmidt. I'm wearing a napkin on my face. Bam! How you like that?
Schmidt: That doesn't even make any sense, Winston.
Winston: It makes perfect sense.
Schmidt: Totally different than me wearing my kimono. You are laughing in the face of thousands of years of samurai culture. And it's an affront, Winston. It's an affront.
Winston: Look at me now, huh? This is the vibe we have in the house now because of you. You want to walk around here looking silly.
Schmidt: This is handcrafted! In China.

Quote from Nick

Cece: Come on, get up!
Nick: No, I don't dance. I'm from the town in Footloose.

Quote from Cece

Jess: We're just friends.
Cece: You can't be friends with these guys. You don't think that every single one of them has thought about sleeping with you?
Jess: No, you just think everyone wants to sleep with everyone all the time.
Cece: They do. That's why I think that.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Did you see that cleavage? I just want to get my arm stuck down there. 127 Hours style. And then, and then... [imitates a saw] Just cut it for days. I don't care. I'll cut through the bone, the nerve.
Winston: [snapping sound] Schmidt!

Quote from Jess

Cece: Don't you hear how he says your name? "Jess."
Jess: He's from Chicago. That's how people from Chicago say "Jess." [Chicago accent] Like "Bears" and "milk" and "Let's go visit the Sears Tower."

Quote from Jess

Nick: Well, how long is she staying?
Jess: Oh, not long. I know she can be tough to deal with. Sometimes she just calls me up and she's like, "Bitch, I love you." And then she just hangs up. No other information.
Nick: Weird.
Jess: But I don't know, I kind of like it when she calls me "bitch." It makes me feel like Janis Joplin.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Friday night, gentlemen. It's on.
Nick: What happened to you?
Schmidt: It's on and poppin' up in here, you feel?
Nick: What happened to you?
Schmidt: What?
Nick: You didn't used to be like this, Schmidt.
Schmidt: What are you talking about?
Nick: You've gotten so much worse.
Schmidt: It's on and poppin'!

Quote from Nick

Nick: This is the opposite of being alone! This is the opposite of what I wanted this weekend.

Quote from Winston

Jess: Hi, Cece. I'm gonna make you a bed on the couch, okay? You have to stop dancing, okay, so you can go to sleep.
Winston: [deep voice] You know, Cece, I think you should dance if you want to.
Jess: Why are you talking like that?
Winston: Like what? I'm just hanging out.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: You can use my bed; I'll sleep on the couch. Over here. Over here, Cece.
Cece: Oh.
Schmidt: Over here. Over here.
Winston: Are you sheepdogging her?
Schmidt: Over here, over here. Over here, over here. Not here. Here we go.

Quote from Schmidt

Cece: [wakes up, screams]
Schmidt: [hanging from the door frame] And 4,000. Yeah.
Cece: Oh, my God.
Schmidt: Wilkommen.
Cece: You're covered in oil?
Schmidt: What, oil? No. This is just, uh... [passes out]
Cece: You okay? Schmidt. Hey, are you okay?
Schmidt: Whoa. Whoa. I just blacked out for a second. Anything weird happen?
Cece: Okay, I need some water, so can you move?
Schmidt: Yeah, that's not gonna happen, honey. Just, you know, slide me like a curtain, okay? [groans] There you go. I'm good. I'm good.

Quote from Schmidt

Cece: But do you guys have any actual soap? Because all I can find in here is body gelato.
Winston: That would be Schmidt's ...
Nick: Schmidt's gelato.
Schmidt: That gelato is mine. If you could just... Don't use it all.

Quote from Jess

Jess: No, you are not coming in here and ruining all this. I'm happy, I like these guys, and I think they're actually starting to like me, too.
Cece: Who did you tell me was your perfect man?
Jess: Walter Matthau in Grumpy Old Men. And I could be girl Jack Lemmon.
Cece: He's a total Matthau! I'm telling you, he gets you. And did you see his feet? A guy's feet point at what they want. His feet were pointing right at you.
Jess: Why wouldn't his feet point at me? Otherwise, he's standing like a duck.

Quote from Schmidt

Winston: Look at her. Go for it, man. You know, go do your thing.
Schmidt: I don't like the roof, man. There's a cat up here. It's crazy. It was raised by birds.
Winston: You mean to tell me you're going to let a cat stop you from all that?
Schmidt: It's a bird-cat, man. It's very dangerous. Look it up. Double rabies.
Winston: Right. You can't close.
Schmidt: [looks both ways] You just said the magic words, son.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: ["on the phone"] Baby, baby, don't cry. Look, I get it. I was the best lover you ever had. Yeah. A 90-minute session's pretty standard for me. It was god what? Oh, it was godlike. That's very sweet of you to say. [phone rings]
Winston: My bad. Pocket dialed you.
Schmidt: I got dropped calls, then Winston calls. It's crazy.

Quote from Cece

Cece: That was pretty good.
Winston: I know.
Cece: You're working a little too hard, though. Watch this. Schmidt!
Schmidt: Yo.
Cece: Go up to the roof.
Schmidt: Yeah, I'm going to go up to the roof.
Cece: I'll be there in ten minutes.
Schmidt: Cool. See you in, like, ten.
Winston: That was absolutely...
Cece: Make me a sandwich.
Winston: Sandwich. [heads to the kitchen]

Quote from Jess

Jess: I walked home. I got out of the car and I walked home.
Cece: Why, what happened?
Jess: His feet were pointed directly at me the whole time. Did I do this? Am I dressing too provocatively? Do I need to get thicker pajamas? Maybe it's my posture. I have really sexy posture.

Quote from Jess

Jess: I'm sorry that Cece did this to you.
Schmidt: That's okay. I'm used to it. I guess I'll just always be the fat kid with the big dreams.
Jess: It's not you. I love Cece, but she's not ready for you. You're a good guy. You know, if you ignore everything that you do on purpose, and concentrate on all of the things that you do by accident.


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