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‘Swuit’ Quotes Page 1 of 5    

New Girl: Swuit

414. Swuit

Aired February 3, 2015

Nick and Schmidt team up on a business project. Meanwhile, Winston and Coach decide to support Cece's education.

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: And time! All right. Let's see what you got. "I am the Karduthian champion of... of dance." "Beer bread."
Nick: Beard bread. Bread that is in your beard.
Schmidt: That's an... that's an invention? Or is that just something that happens to you? You think Hewlett had to put up with this crap from Packard? Again.
Nick: Oh, now I'm Packard? Enough!
Schmidt: You can't come up with a good idea being all loosey-goosey.
Nick: Why don't you tell that to Howard Hughes, the inventor of the Loose Goose?
Schmidt: That was the Spruce Goose, and it didn't work!
Nick: It did work! It flew for over a mile at an altitude of 72 feet!
Schmidt: How on Earth do you know that information and not know the name of it?


Quote from Winston

Winston: Hey, check it out. I'm a campus cutie.
Cece: No, you are not.
Winston: What are we learning?
Cece: Shh! I am studying Postwar British Art History.
Coach: What?
Winston: Post Br-British who? What's that?
Coach: That's just a bunch of words that mean "Screw you, investors." What else you taking?
Cece: Intro to Afrikaans.
Coach: What else? Astronomy 101?
Cece: That's next semester.
Coach: Wow.
Winston: What you gonna do, Cece, join the South African space program and be the first woman to put a David Hockney painting on the moon? Who is David Hockney?

Quote from Winston

Coach: This is an investment. Nick and Schmidt are looking for investors, so we thought it would be fun if we got into investing, too.
Coach: You're smart, you're driven. We are confident in a very robust ROI.
Winston: ROI means "Return on Investment."
Cece: I know what it stands for.
Winston: I've been reading a lot of Schmidt's investment books in the toilet. Life hack: the toilet paper makes for a very, very handy bookmark.
Coach: Life hack: read your phone on the toilet like everybody else.
Winston: Ooh.

Quote from Jess

Jess: This is exciting. I feel like I'm in the garage at Cupertino.

Quote from Winston

Winston: This sounds like the video in middle school that taught me about periods.

Quote from Jess

Jess: I don't want to stick my nose in someone else's rose, but what I'm hearing is two very passionate partners with two totally different approaches.
Nick: You hit the nail right on the head!
Schmidt: That is a correct assessment of what is going on right now.
Nick: And thank you for breakfast!
Schmidt: I'm gonna shove this bacon right in my mouth and savor it for life.
Nick: That omelette was so delicious!
Jess: You know what, you guys are saying really nice things to me, but you're both shouting...
Schmidt: Such a delicious omelette!
Nick: The presentation's fantastic!
Schmidt: One of the most delicious things I've ever had. You've outdone yourself.
Nick: Definitely appreciated!

Quote from Winston

Jess: All they care about is who's the boss.
Winston: Of course that's all they care about, Jess. It's a guy thing. It's in our DNA. Look, Nick's not gonna let Schmidt boss him around, and vice versa. Don't get me started on the male power dynamic. I will talk your ear off.
Jess: They're being such dudes right now. It's, like, all about who's got the bigger you-know-what.
Winston: Oh, I do know what.
Jess: Yeah. Yeah. What can we do to make them collaborate?
Winston: You can eliminate their you-know-whats. [off Jess's look] That was a joke.

Quote from Jess

Cece: Look, that's very sweet, but the last thing I want is charity, okay? And don't tell Jess, because she just goes nuts anytime she thinks I need money.
Cece: So I don't think I can afford to go home for my aunt's birthday.
Jess: You need money? I'm selling my hair!

Quote from Coach

Winston: We got to do something.
Coach: Winston, for the first time in my life, I'm not 100% broke, and you want me to give my money away? No, sir. She said she didn't want charity. I ain't giving it to her. [off WIinston's look] Oh, crap. Am I stuck doing another thing with you again? It's a classic Winston and Coach mess-around!
Coach: All right. But don't say that.
Winston: What if I put your name first?
Coach: Let me hear it.
Winston: It's a classic Coach and Winston mess-around.
Coach: Regardless, I don't like it.

Quote from Schmidt

Jess: Maybe you could back off a little, since Nick's been having, you know, man problems.
Schmidt: "Man problems"?
Jess: Man problems.
[cutting back and forth:]
Nick: Are we talking a clog or a leak?
Schmidt: He's got the wet Tuesdays?
Nick: You think it's 'cause of his tight denim pants?
Schmidt: Did the squirrels get to the tulip bulbs?

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