Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Last Thanksgiving’ Quotes

New Girl: Last Thanksgiving

607. Last Thanksgiving

Aired November 22, 2016

Jess is reluctant to tell Robby she doesn't have feelings for him on Thanksgiving. Meanwhile, Schmidt is excited that his father will be spending the holiday with him for once.

Quote from Robby

Winston: What you taking? Little boy blues? Yeah, I've been there. How many miggies you working with? Yeah, my pharmacist bumped me up to nine.
Robby: 1,400. Yeah. I have to take 18 pills an hour in a very specific order, and they virtually assured me that I will be addicted to them.

Rate

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: If we get her to take him back...
Nick: We'd be heroes.
Schmidt: That's right. [both laughing]
Nick: Look at that, Mom, I'm gonna be a hero.
Schmidt: Why are you looking up? Your mother is still alive.
Nick: I'm looking at Chicago.
Schmidt: You think Chicago is up?
Nick: It's north.

Quote from Nick

Winston: With the speed?! He like Mayweather with the knife!
Cece: Okay, what is going on? Because you don't even use a knife to eat a steak?
Nick: Well, my girl is coming. Of course my hands are dancing. These knives are a part of me like that, uh, scissor hand guy. What is his name again? Is it Rick Snip?

Quote from Winston

Winston: You can't break a man's heart on a holiday. I'm telling you, it happened to me once, and that pain... it comes back year after year after year. You don't want to do that to him, I'm telling you. That's why I'm always a hot mess on Take Your Daughter to Work Day.

Quote from Robby

Jess: Well, nothing makes me happier than cooking for ten hours and eating in under 25 minutes. Chant me in.
All [chanting]: Stuff that bird!
Robby: Stuff that bird! Stuff that bird! Guess who's too injured to fly?
Jess: Is it you?

Quote from Robby

Robby: Snoopy! Saw Snoopy.
Cece: [to Jess] Okay, no. You-you got to end this.
Robby: False alarm. It's just John Stamos on a Greek yogurt float.
Jess: Drop the hammer now? He can't even tell the difference between John Stamos and Snoopy.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Ooh, it's my daddy! It's my daddy!
Gavin: Gobble, gobble. Happy Thanksgiving, son.
Schmidt: I hope you're ready, 'cause I have a full day planned for us. First up is a game of American football featuring the Cowboys of Dallas.

Quote from Schmidt

Cece: Ugh. I'm so sorry, babe.
Schmidt: Yeah. No. I'm-I'm fine. Look, we don't wear sweaters and roll around in the leaves, but there are other ways for us to bond. If he wants to drink, then, you know what? I'm gonna drink. I'm gonna get sloppy with my poppy. Nick. Papa! Wait for me. Cece, get my bitters kit. Ooh, actually, can you just make sure that there's a garbage can next to the bed? Because... I can't hang.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: This is the dream. A boy, his dad, his best friend sharing a drink. Don't tell Mom, right? [laughing] I'm just kidding. I know you and Mom haven't spoken in 30 years, including my wedding.

Quote from Cece

Jess: You guys can't leave. We need you here.
Schmidt: Well, I need a happy daddy.
Nick: He needs a happy daddy.
Cece: If they never come back, the last words I'll have heard my husband say are "happy daddy."

Quote from Robby

Gavin: Jess, I am so sorry. I had no idea you two were together. I thought you were his physical therapist.
Robby: Physical therapist?
Gavin: Aren't you a physical therapist or something?
Robby: You think she's a... Jess is a top-notch vice principal. [grunts]
Jess: Oh, Robby... Robby, no. Don't stand. Your-your knee.
Robby: I don't give a flying care about that. I stand up when I stand up for people.
Jess: I think you're getting roid rage.
Robby: No, I didn't take any steroids today, because the TSA took 'em this morning. Now, what you're seeing is pure, unfiltered Robby, straight from the tap.
Winston: [quietly] Get him, Robby.

Quote from Robby

Robby: You-you tried to make Jess the seventh woman you're dating, and you don't even know the first thing about her. I mean, did-did you know that when she was six she tried to eat a lightning bug so that her heart would glow like E.T.? Did you know that she tried to give herself Lyme disease out of solidarity to her fourth grade classmate? Or-or that she never lets any of her electronics go below 25%, just in case someone else needs to use them? I mean, did you know... did you know that she's terrified of the large bubbles in the bubble wrap but she loves the little tiny ones? It's so cute, man. It would be one thing if you actually had feelings for Jess... I'm... I'm... [wobbles]
Nick: Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Robby: Thank you. But you don't. Y-you're just desperate and lonely and you're trying to use her, and I... [wobbles] Oh, it's happening again.
Nick: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Robby: Thank you. You can't use Jess, because she is a dream girl. Here's the last thing I'll say before I leave. Jess, I know it's not me, but... [sighs] you deserve somebody who knows how special you are. Um, I'm going. I'm going.
Jess: Don't go, Robby.
Robby: I'm not going out. I'm-I'm going down!

Quote from Schmidt

Gavin: Son, I know you're probably tired of hearing both these statements and not likely to believe either, but... I'm leaving and I'm sorry.
Schmidt: Dad, I said... I said a lot of things earlier. I don't want you out of my life. I was waiting for you to be someone who you're not, but... I know who you are and I still love you. But you-you need to listen to me, son to father, get a therapist.
Gavin: Oh, I have a therapist.
Schmidt: A better one.
Gavin: Okay.
Schmidt: And I shouldn't have to say this but one that you're not sleeping with.
Gavin: ... Okay.

Quote from Jess

Jess: Oh, my God, Schmidt and Cece will be in a new home next year.
Schmidt: Next year it's at our place.
Jess: Happy last loft Thanksgiving, everyone. They weren't always perfect, but they were memorable.
All: Cheers. Hey.
Cece: Remember when you fell down that hole?
Nick: Oh, and Schmidt cooked the meal in our dead neighbor's kitchen.
Cece: [laughing] Ms. Beverly.
Winston: Remember when we had sex with strangers?
Jess: That's a misrepresentation of what happened.
Schmidt: Remember when your parents made it in the bathroom?
Jess: Or last Thanksgiving, when we all accidentally took peyote and, Winston, you wouldn't let us break the wishbone.
Winston: Break the bone, lose the wish.
Nick: That's not true!
Jess: That's not how it works.


 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  Select another episode