Schmidt: You think Prince has a pool?
Winston: You think he has a drawbridge?
Nick: We're never gonna get in. We're not even in a limo.
Coach: Uh, excuse me, we're in a Ford Fusion, the best car ever made. It gets double the gas mileage of...
Schmidt: Again?
Nick: Shut up. That's all you've been talking about the whole drive, and it's weird. You get sexual when you talk about it. It's in your eyes. I don't like it.
Coach: Double the gas mileage means you go double as far. Double as long.

Prince: Hi. I'm Prince. So what seems to be the problem? Oh, how rude of me. I haven't given you enough time to freak out yet. You may do so now.
Jess: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! [sobs]
Nick: [high-pitched squealing]
Jess: Oh, my God!
Nick: [faints]
Jess: Nick!

Prince: So, I'm not familiar with this term "finger guns." Can you elaborate?
Jess: Uh, yeah, it's a...
Prince: Whoa. Don't point those at me. They might go off. [both laugh]
Nick: That was very much of your flavor of humor.
Prince: Listen, Nick, uh... Nick, right?
Nick: Yes, that's my name.
Prince: Jess and I are gonna take a moment to just be alone.
Nick: I'm-I'm not worried, but why? What are you gonna talk to her about?
Prince: You.
Jess: Nick, I never thought I'd say this, but I need to be alone with Prince.
Nick: All right, well Yeah.
Prince: [to Jess] So, do you like pancakes?

Prince: You want to know why you can't tell that nice dude you love him?
Jess: I want to say it, but...
Prince: You're scared.
Jess: Exactly.
Prince: If you say it and things don't work out, what then?
Jess: I really care for him. And I'm just worried I'm gonna lose him.
Prince: That's stupid.
Jess: You're stupid. [awkward silence]
Prince: I forgive you.
Jess: Oh, my God, thank God!
Prince: Besides anything beautiful is worth getting hurt for.
Jess: Well, that's very well put.
Prince: You know who said that?
Jess: No.
Prince: Me.
Jess: You're good. God. I wish I were more like you, Prince.
Prince: Finish your pancake. Let's get to work.
Jess: Oh, it's really good. But I'm super full.
Prince: Pancake.
Jess: Okay.

Coach: Jess, how did you know the words?
Jess: I think Prince is magic.
Nick: I've always thought Prince was magic.
Winston: Where do we go from here?
Schmidt: How do we move on from this? Just go to work tomorrow?

Winston: Hey, Nick. Um, Jess left her panties in the dryer. You mind if I move 'em?
Nick: Sure, man, I don't care. Wait a second. Why do you ask? You're not gonna move them in a weird way or something, are you?
Winston: No, dude, I'm just trying to be respectful, that's all. You know, before you and Jess were together, I moved her panties hundreds of times, so...
Nick: Wait, what?
Schmidt: Hundreds of times? What, are you just hanging around the-the dryer like some sort of panty-hawk? Winston: What?
Coach: Panty-hawk. I'd watch that show.

Winston: You blurted it out. It's not a big deal. That's what I always do.
[flashback to Winston staring intensely as his date eats soup at a restaurant:]
Winston: I love you!
Woman: [chokes]
[present:]
Winston: Sometimes they say it back, sometimes they don't... I mean, it's like a numbers game.

Jess: Did Nick just tell me he loved me for the first time?
Cece: Yeah.
Jess: And did I do finger guns back?
Cece: Yeah, you did.
Jess: No.
Cece: Yes.
Jess: Oh.
Cece: You're gonna want to drink all of this.
Jess: Oh, oh!
Cece: Hey, driver, we're gonna need some more champagne!

Coach: Um, yeah, I'm on the list.
Winston: Ernie!
Coach: Winnie?! [chuckles] Winston L. Bishop.
Winston: Ernie, is that really you?
Coach: Oh, my goodness! Come here, man! My God, it's so good to see you! [they hug] This guy saved my life, man.
Winston: [emotionally] No, you saved my life. Let me ask you something, man. You still keep in contact with Freddy?
Coach: Freddy didn't make it.
Winston: Freddy's gone? [groans dramatically]
Coach: [high-pitched sob]
Coach: No! Come on! No! No, man!
Winston: We ain't crying. No, you cry, I cry.
Coach: This is a great night. Hope nothing ruins it.
Bouncer: That's nice to see. Come on, you guys.
Coach: For Freddy.
Winston: For Freddy.

Schmidt: All right! Yes!
Nick: Hey, man, don't touch my shin every time there's a big play.
Schmidt: Yeah, no, I got it. Oh, yes!
Nick: Don't touch it every time! Hey, man, stop.
Coach: Oh! [touches Nick's shin]
Schmidt: Oh! There it is! [touches Nick's shin]
Nick: No!