Trending ‘New Girl’ Quotes
Nick: You want to know what I think, 'cause you're not going to like it.
Nick: I don't think this is about breaking rules. I think Ryan scares you. You like him, and you're going to have to put yourself out there again, and that scares you. But look, life moves really fast. And if you don't stop and
look around once in a while, you just might miss it.
Jess: Is that from Ferris Bueller?
Nick: Yes, it is.
Nick: It's a terrific movie.
Jess: All right.
Nick: And I delivered it perfectly.
Jess: It was pretty good.
Nick: Reason 13: I like my stuff and I hate her stuff. Reason number 14: How am I ever gonna change my clothes?
Schmidt: You don't change in front of your girlfriend? You get naked in front of her.
Nick: Yes, but those are different things. When you're naked, you're powerful and it's glorious. When you're changing, you're hunched over and cowering, like an animal.
Schmidt: Animals don't wear clothes, Nick.
Winston: Oh... new partner's here. Guys, as they say, when one chapter ends, a bridge appears, and then you cross that bridge and make lemonade out of a molehill.
Coach: Hey! Guess who's here like he normally is every Saturday! It's Duquan!
Duquan: [to Nick] Big brother Wimstons. [Coach points him to Winston] Oh. I love you, Mr. Wimstons. I go from no hope to hope. He take me and he says to me, "You're gonna be somebody. "You-You could be the presidents, or Statues of Liberties."
Winston: Is that right?
Duquan: We make homework togethers. He buys me toys, and we chase each others, and we laugh at the sun.
Nick: You just have a bunch of boxes? I would change that. Oh, you have a bunch of metal toothpicks.
Jess: They're bobby pins.
Nick: What's a bobby pin?
Jess: It keeps your hair back.
Nick: You need Bobby's pins to put your hair up?
Jess: It's bobby pins, not Bobby's pins.
Schmidt: Hey, look. You've been out of the game for a while. I have three date packages. They work every time. Package A) Close-up magic, dinner, drinks. Package B) Close-up magic, drinks. Package C) Close-up magic.
Winston: All right, man. I'm gonna take off. I gotta head to the station before my dance gathering.
Schmidt: You can't go to the station like that. They'll make fun of you.
Winston: When are you gonna stop worrying about what people say? When I look into my suggestion box, it is full. [laughs] People have a lot to say about the way I live my life. But there is only one comment card that I pay attention to. And you know what that card says? It says, "Great job. Keep it up." And you know who filled out that card? Me. You know how I know? Because I recognize my motherfreakin' handwriting. [backs away]
Schmidt: Now that's a Goosebumps Walkaway.
Jess: Look, Nick, I love you. I have no feelings for Russell.
Nick: But how could you not? He is so handsome! I mean, look at him! He's physically outstanding! And it's all my fault! Because I brought the curse on us! Did the curse make you more handsome?! That's my question to you! He is physically incredible!
Winston: [sings] Puzzling Winston is about to do some puzzling About to get into some puzzle troubling
Schmidt: I actually have to step out for just a second. You know, in preparation for this meeting, I ate an entire jar of salsa, and it is... [whistles] sliding right through me.
Schmidt: [enters] You know what? There is something I just cannot shake, I been tossing and turning all night long.
Nick: We literally have been apart for like 15 seconds, man, get out of here.
Schmidt: I am your wingman now, Nick, because it-it takes two wings-
Nick: Don't do this.
Schmidt: for a, for a bird to dance. Jessica Day, you are dating a champion.
Jess: I agree.
Schmidt: And I don't know why on earth you would be embarrassed of him.
Jess: Ooh. They have, uh, Brussels sprouts with pancetta. That's a fancy name for bacon. Hold the Brussels sprouts. Am I right?
Nick: Everybody loves bacon, Jess ... New topic.
Reagan: You wanted to impress me because you have a crush on me.
Nick: [laughs] It's nice to get a good laugh in this heat. I need a laugh. It's too hot not to laugh. Lord knows it!
Reagan: You do.
Nick: I don't have a crush on you. You're very conceited. And I don't mean to burst your bubble here, missy, but I am not out here because of my "so-called crush on you," based on my actions that led you to believe I have a crush on you." I am out here because I have never been more comfortable in my entire life. Okay, you know what? Just go get! Winston and I don't need you, sister.
Reagan: Oh, you mean Winston, like, this Winston?
Nick: What do you mean, like this... Oh, Winston.
Winston: I'm really sorry.
Nick: It's fine, it's fine. Who needs you? 'Cause the hottest part of the day is already over.
Reagan: It's 9:30 in the morning.
Nick: Then tell me this: why did I just eat lunch? Why did I just eat lunch?
Cece: All right, okay. Try this. I call it "Whiskey Business," but surprise! There's vodka in that. Boom.
Schmidt: Thank you, honey. [gagging, spits out]
Cece: Come on.
Schmidt: [clears throat] It's a little chunky. [clears throat] Tastes like loose chili, a little bit.
Cece: Yeah, I'm gonna go get some fresher ingredients.
Cece: Guys, guys, guys, guys, Aly is in labor.
Winston: What? My baby's having my baby? My baby's having my baby! Are you okay? I love you so much.
Aly: What if it comes out covered in all the gum I've ever swallowed?
Nick: I didn't punch a girl. I punched a horrifying monster. You of all people should know this, Frankenstein.
Frankenstein: You're the real monster.
Nick: Oh, give me a break.
Jess: Little reminder... uh, tonight is for Secret Santa gifts only. So, married people, please exchange your gifts at another time.
Cece: Oh, don't worry. Schmidt and I aren't getting each other gifts this year.
Nick: Is that 'cause of the Jew thing?
Schmidt: Jew thing? That's just a phrase that falls out of your mouth these days.
[flashback to Nick eating a schmeared bagel:]
Nick: Oh, sorry. I-I took the last Jew thing.
Winston: Check it out, Schmidt ... I got you a clownfish.
Schmidt: I don't want some janky freshwater bitch fish, Winston. I want a lionfish.
Winston: Let's just cut through the crap, okay, Schmidt? We both know what you really want is Cece.
Schmidt: Cece the woman?
Schmidt: You can't put a woman in a fish tank, Winston. That doesn't make any sense.
Schmidt: Help yourself to anything... within reason. You may think to yourself, "Oh, they have a lot of expensive cheeses. They won't notice." We will notice.
Schmidt: I think I have some speakers behind the bar. I'll just hook up my phone.
Winston: Wait, wait, wait. Time out, time out, time out. I know I just did something really stupid, but why do you automatically get to be in charge of the music?
Schmidt: 'Cause I have the best taste. [Cece and Winston laughing]
Cece: Oh, no, no, babe.
Winston: All you like is electronica.
Schmidt: It's EDM, electronic dance music...
Cece: Yeah, here we go.
Schmidt: ... or what I like to refer to it as, as just "M"... because it's the only music.