Nick: And I read that authors should all have a strong look, so I found four authors with strong looks, and I combined them. Tom Wolfe: white suit. Hunter S. Thompson: yellow sunglasses. David Foster Wallace: bandana. Toni Morrison: The Presidential Medal of Freedom.

Winston: Well, here's one from deep in the storage unit. Way in the back. I once got my foot stuck in a go-kart. And I had to...
Aly: Hop six laps alongside of it.
Winston: I've been kicked out of multiple focus groups for... for crying too much.
Aly: That happened yesterday, and I was with you.
Winston: I fell asleep in study hall. Had a very loud sex dream.
Aly: That happened to my family member, and I relayed the story to you.
Winston: I fell asleep in a bathtub.
Aly: Knew that.
Winston: And I once dislocated my thumb getting off a couch.
Aly: Okay, you got five more minutes on that hippo, and then we switch.

Jess: None of that's girlfriend stuff. That's all good friend stuff.
Cece: Okay, let me, uh, toss out a hypothetical to you, okay? Nick has a piece of lint on his sleeve. Do you go, "Hey, bud, you got some lint on your sleeve"? Or do you pick it off?
Jess: I don't see how that's relevant.
Cece: Yes, you do. Because you are a rabid watcher of The Crown.
Jess: I watch a lot of shows.
Cece: And so therefore, you know... that picking lint off of a man's sleeve... is the most intimate gesture.

Winston: Whoa.
Aly: I taught English in Japan for a couple years after college and... I fell in with a bad crowd. It was a time in my life I'm not proud of. I fell in with... with a Japanese game show crowd.

Nick: Money is no object. That's why we rented a custom van, and even got space radio.
Reagan: Satellite radio.
Nick: No, space radio, the one that connects to everything in the air.
Reagan: There's a satellite.
Nick: What, the satellite's in the ground?
Reagan: No, the satellite is in the air.
Nick: Right. Space. Yeah.
Reagan: In the air. Satellite radio.

Cece: So I really want to ask what's in the box, but, uh, it'll ignite a whole Se7en thing.
Schmidt: "What's in the box? What's in the box?"
Winston: "Repeat, John Doe has the upper hand."
Jess: I have got to see this movie. You guys make it sound so hilarious.

Schmidt: At the risk of sounding cliché, should we have sex in the bedroom?
Cece: I think that's a great idea. [chuckles] [clattering] [gasps, shrieks]
Schmidt: The hell was that?! Are you the criminals?! From the statistics?!

Schmidt: Jeremy.
Jeremy: On behalf of the neighborhood, may I be the first to say, welcome, sir.
Schmidt: "A Guide to Your New Neighborhood by Jeremy." I didn't know you lived nearby.
Jeremy: I don't. But I will someday. Just as I will do everything that you have done.
Schmidt: [grunts] That's the tone that we talked about, Jeremy. No, thank you.
Jeremy: I can't wait to have a servants' entrance.
Schmidt: Let's not call it that.
Jeremy: Two points of entry. Very well done, sir.
Schmidt: Cece, I just thought of another reason why houses are better than apartments. Now we can enjoy two points of entry!
Cece: [o.s.] No, thanks!
Schmidt: I'm talking about the doors. I-I didn't mean...

Schmidt: Ooh. Jess, thank you. This is perfect. Cece and I are completely moved into Jaipur Aviv. So tonight, we'll be doing it for the first time on our first night in our first house.
Winston: And I'm going to Aly's tonight. Yeah. Gonna be doing it for the 10,000th time on our 1,000th night in her... 100th apartment?
Jess: You think Aly's lived in 100 apartments?
Winston: I hadn't, I hadn't crunched the numbers on it.

Nick: Well, that's perfect, Jess.
Jess: Well, it was easy. You have very few clothing items in your closet. Also, are those your tax returns? And why are you drying beef?
Nick: Because I don't have a file cabinet, and because I couldn't eat all the meat in one night. Now...
Jess: That's gross.
Nick: How do I look?
Jess: What you need is a navy blazer. Do you have a navy blazer or just the pit boss special?
Nick: What kind of a man owns multiple blazers? [snickers]