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‘The Right Thing’ Quotes

New Girl: The Right Thing

419. The Right Thing

Aired March 31, 2015

Jess attends the funeral of the hook-up to try delete a sext from his phone. Meanwhile, Schmidt's mother comes to town, and Winston tries to bond with his partner Aly.

Quote from Nick

Nick: So, you freaked out a little back there, didn't you? Not to use some popsicle psychology...
Schmidt: "Popsicle psychology"?
Nick: Yeah, it's pop psychology for short. 'Cause, you know, you eat the popsicle and you love it so much and then you're stuck holding the-the stick? You get it. you get it.

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Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Where are we gonna get 20 grand from?
Nick: Well, we got the ten grand we made on the Swuit. Maybe do we have any rich friends we can borrow money from?
Schmidt: Well, let's think about it. There's the middle school vice principal, there's the cop, the gym teacher. Let's not forget about the community college student. Whew, lot of options.

Quote from Aly

Aly: [hip-hop music playing] Hey, you want your bar mitzvah money? Tell me her name.
Schmidt: I don't remember.
Aly: I don't believe you!
Winston: Just relax. Relax. Here, Schmidt. Sip that. Want to hear the music again?
[hip-hop music playing] All right, there we go. Uh-huh. Yeah, you're 13 years old, everybody's feeling it...
[sings] Motown Philly's back again...
Aly: Enough. What was her name?!
Schmidt: Sharon Rosenberg!

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: My mom still owes me my bar mitzvah money. I mean, we can ask her, but, you know, she's...
Nick: Pushy, overbearing, controlling.
Schmidt: So, what? Oh, she's a typical Jewish mom? It's anti-Semitic when you say it like that. So-so what, she likes to get involved? That's great, you know.
Nick: I don't feel very comfortable when I'm around her.
Schmidt: Well, boo-hoo, she thinks you want to have sex with her. Try learning about the birds and the bees from her using a doughnut and a banana. By the way, neither one of which are used for what you think they are.
Nick: How could that be?

Quote from Jess

Jess: You know, Pete wasn't just a sports agent. He understood sports. Like, he knew the rules, all of them: offsides, unnecessary bumping, what happens if you hit a bird with the ball you throw...

Quote from Jess

Jess: Ugh! Can you believe this guy? Pete is over an hour late for our brunch date.
Schmidt: Pete? Who's Pete?
Coach: Oh, it's this dude who goes to my gym. Thought Jess could use a man with a little muscle for a change, so I set 'em up.
Jess: Not gonna marry him, but I'm having fun. [chuckles] Knock, knock. Who's there? Orange. Hang on a second, Orange. I'm gonna send a sext to Pete, which I did. My first one ever. Want to see? It's super hot.
Cece: I don't want to, uh... Okay, that's just a picture of you in a bra over a T-shirt holding a sign that says "Property of Pete." Not a sext.
Jess: I'm wearing a bra!
Cece: No, that's like a glorified selfie.
Jess: You can see the bra.
Cece: Nope.
Jess: [scoffs] I bet he saw this, and he was like, [in low voice:] "Oh, delicious."

Quote from Winston

Winston: I have to agree, because the true nature of eroticism is what is not shown.

Quote from Schmidt

Coach: What are you taking?
Schmidt: Just some, uh... motion sickness pill. It's a mild sedative. My mom just landed. That's unrelated.
Jess: Oh, my God, your mom's here?! I'm so excited to meet her.
Schmidt: You probably won't; she's busy. But maybe, hopefully, I doubt it.
Cece: I can't believe I've never met her.
Schmidt: You know, we get together and we laugh and... [sighs] she tells me all the ways that I could be better at things, and then I do them, but not right. Oh, it's fun. We have, we have fun.

Quote from Winston

Coach: A motorcycle accident? I didn't even know Pete rode one.
Jess: He didn't. Apparently, he was thinking about getting one, and he slipped and fell on the showroom floor.
Winston: Buffed floors... beautiful, but at what cost?

Quote from Jess

Jess: The first guy I sext dies. I should go to the memorial, right?
Coach: Jess, don't make this about yourself, all right? You went on two dates with the guy.
Jess: I was one of the last people to text him. On Earth.
Cece: Look, you didn't even have sex with him, okay? You're fine.
Jess: So if I'd slept with him, I'd go.
Winston: Or if you'd gone skiing together.
Cece: Mm-hmm, yeah.
Jess: What are these rules?

Quote from Coach

Jess: So then Pete says to...
Coach: Allen Iverson.
Jess: "...you want to keep sportsing on the..."
Coach: Grizzlies.
Jess: "...but if you want me to show you the money, then..."
Coach: You gotta finish your career off with the '76ers!
Jess: [chuckles] And it was classic Pete.
Val: It's so nice to remember work as more than just a thing that kept Pete on the phone all the time.
Jess: You're very welcome.

Quote from Nick

Louise Schmidt: I don't understand. The couch looks good here though, doesn't it? It opens up the whole room.
Nick: Louise, I think what your boy is trying to say is...
Louise Schmidt: Shut it, Nick. Honey, why do you hang out with him? You know Nancy Borkow? Her son just moved to L.A. He wrote a movie script for the movies. I can connect you. You need better friends!
Schmidt: Enough, Mom! You don't get to choose my friends! You don't get to choose anything! Because this is my life! It's my dream and nothing's gonna stop me now! It feels like that's from something. It feels like, it feels like it's from a movie or something.
Nick: [sings] My life
Schmidt: Yeah, I think it's a song.
Nick: It's a song. Like some sort of song, right?
Louise Schmidt: It's the Perfect Stranger theme.

Quote from Winston

Winston: Aly, what are you doing here?
Aly: I just wanted to explain. Look... I hung out a lot with my last partner. And we got close and...
Winston: You shot him?
Aly: What?
Winston: He died?
Aly: No.
Winston: Oh, my goodness... is he...? Did he survive?
Aly: What are you talking about?
Winston: How did you partner die?
Aly: He didn't die!


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