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‘Rumspringa’ Quotes

New Girl: Rumspringa

617. Rumspringa

Aired February 21, 2017

Jess and Schmidt are both nervous about starting their new jobs, so Nick tries to clear their minds with a "rumpsringa". Meanwhile, Winston needs Rhonda to sign their divorce papers.

Quote from Nick

Nick: Look, we're gonna get out of here, and when we do, I'm gonna start... I'm gonna start growing up.
Jess: You have grown up, Nick. I mean, you own a bar. You wrote a novel.
Nick: I'm talking about really growing up. There's still so much I want to do, like... I want to try cilantro.
Jess: You haven't tried cilantro?
Nick: I want to figure out what NASDAQ means.
Jess: You've never had salsa?
Nick: I want to not shimmy out of my pants.

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Quote from Jess

Jess: Come on, help us, Danes! Unlike in World War II! Yeah, I brought it up!

Quote from Winston

Cece: I don't understand how any human being could enjoy it.
Winston: Well, because we are pranks, don't you see?
Cece: Huh?
Winston: In the Bible, God created light and dark. And then separated the heavens from the oceans. Then created plants, then animals. And the animals, they thought they had all this cool stuff to themselves, but then God pranked the animals with us. And it was good.
Aly: [whispering] That was so sexy.

Quote from Aly

Aly: Do something. My skin's burning, you guys.
Winston: What? Baby, baby, you okay?
Aly: What did you put on me?
Winston: What did you do to her, Rhonda?!
Aly: Ow!
Rhonda: She didn't want the jelly, so I used a porcine birthing agent.
Winston: What is that?!
Rhonda: I... I...
Aly: Well, it's burning! Oh, my God!
Rhonda: I'm so sorry.
Aly: You're sorry?! You should be... because, baby doll, you just got Aly'd. Oh! How you like that, Rhonda? Who's basic now? Oh!

Quote from Aly

Aly: There's nothing I hate more than women talking about their rings in a high-pitched voice, [high-pitched] but, oh, my God, I love my ring so much! I love it!
Cece: Aw.
Winston: I love that ring on your finger. I just want to bite it off and swallow it, and then digest it properly. And then give it back to you in a day and a half.
Aly: Oh, my God, I think I'm gonna cry.
Cece: You guys have such a weird dynamic.

Quote from Jess

Jess: Welcome, everyone, to Big Dinner, where the news is big, and the dinner is regular size. Not to be confused with Big Supper, where we eat dinner and we watch the movie Big.
Nick: The movie about a grown woman who has sex with a little boy?
Winston: What?
Cece: She didn't know.

Quote from Winston

Schmidt: Okay. It's time for the rites of passage.
Winston: Ding, ding, ding. I have some Big Dinner news of my own.
Schmidt: Winston, sit down! The topics for Big Dinner have already been decided.
Winston: As you all know, Aly and I have recently become engaged. [whistling, applause] I receive all that love, and then I give it right back.
Jess: Anyway, as we were saying...
Winston: I got to finish this. It's really important. In order to get married, I have commenced divorce proceedings with my wife...
Nick: Rhonda.
Winston: Rhonda, yeah.
Cece: Ding, ding, ding, ding. Real quick. I hate Rhonda.
Winston: [growls] Hey, that's my wife!
Nick: Such a good Harrison Ford.
Cece: Who you married as a prank. Which, for the record, no one gets.

Quote from Nick

Nick: Don't yell at us 'cause you guys are freaking out about your new jobs. I am not freaking out.
Jess: I have been preparing for this job ever since I was young enough to believe [chuckles] leprechauns were real.
Nick: Leprechauns are real.
Winston: Yeah, I caught one.
Nick: He caught one.
Schmidt: We're not having the freaking leprechaun debate right now; we'll be here for hours.
Nick: Leprechauns are real.

Quote from Nick

Nick: Hey, Schmidt. Can I get a second opinion on something?
Schmidt: Oh, about your room? Reagan's right. You need to redecorate. It looks like you live in an abandoned day care.
Nick: [chuckles] That is not what an abandoned day care looks like. You can trust me.
[flashback:]
Young Nick: Hello? Can I take a nap now?
[present:]
Schmidt: Okay, we need to talk about that a lot more later.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Boy ride saved my life. I would be freaking out, and you would take me on these wild adventures. Bio exam? Casino time.
Nick: [chuckles] Yeah.
Schmidt: Intro to environmental feminism?
Nick: I remember.
Schmidt: Corn maze.
Nick: That was the day we found out that corn is maize.
Schmidt: [imitates explosion]
Nick: Do we take Jess on a little Rumspringa?

Quote from Winston

Rhonda: You wanted to sign the divorce papers, and-and I thought this was... this was a good a time as any. But I know it's a shock, but... meet your son.
Cece: Oh, my God.
Winston: Um... [chuckles] Now, you listen to me, baby. [chuckles] My father walked out on me, and I swear
I will never do that to you.
Rhonda: That's so sweet. [whispering] You just got Rhonda'd. Rhonda'd. [chuckles]
Cece: No...
Winston: Oh, my God! Did you just prank me with a baby?
Rhonda: [laughing] A human baby.
Aly: What the hell?
Winston: That is amazing! Oh, my God. Oh, I can feel my heartbeat through the back of my head! You just took years off my life! You are the master!

Quote from Winston

Rhonda: But you can't do it without... these. They 'bout to be "soined"! [sighs] The end to one of my best pranks.
Winston: Oh, this feels good.
Rhonda: Yeah. [Winston laughs] That's it.
Winston: That's it.
Rhonda: All right. Well, I better go. I really hope you two are happy. No prank. So until we cross paths again...
[sings] A-ba-da-ba, ba-da-ba. Rhonda!
Winston: [nervous laugh] Rhonda.
Aly: She's a lot.
Cece: Understatement of the year.
Winston: She is, but, you know, the good news is, is we never, ever have to see her again. Son of a bi... She used disappearing ink.
Cece: What?
Winston: Girl pranked us.

Quote from Jess

Jess: I have to go home and work on my blazer. So I found a bus ticket back...
Nick: Well, hold on. I think there's somebody that you would like to meet, Jess.
Man: Greetings, yon settlers three!
Jess: Are there folksy, old-timey reenactors here? 'Cause that would be, like, a total freaking game changer.
Man: I am one of the founders of this town of Solvang, Professor P.P. Hornsyld.
Schmidt: Is this really what you're into?
Nick: And so begins phase two, enjoyment.
Man: At your service.
Jess: I have 87 questions for you. When were you born? When did you die? Where were you born? Where did you die? Are you a spirit? What do you think of the modern era? What do you think of technology?
Man: Perhaps you'd like to try some aquavit, a traditional drink from the motherland. Perhaps you will enjoy its humors more than you enjoy peppering me with this endless barrage of questions.

Quote from Aly

Rhonda: Hey, you're small.
Aly: What?
Rhonda: I'm looking for somebody small for a prank I'm cooking up. [Winston exhales] Actually, I could use all of you.
Winston: Okay, look. Rhonda, yeah. This won't work. Aly, you don't have to do this.
Rhonda: If you do this for me, I'll give you your divorce.
Aly: If this is what I have to do to marry you, then... Rhonda, the three of us will do your prank.
Cece: Wait, what? I have in no way consented to this.
Rhonda: Gonna do a group Rhonda! That's awesome. Uh, how do you feel about having a bunch of jelly on your head?
Aly: Not good, Rhonda.

Quote from Jess

Nick: Welcome to the distillery. [door closes loudly]
Schmidt: I'm gonna, uh, make sure that, that's okay.
Jess: Oh, you know what? It's, um, it's probably just an old-timey Danish door. You just need to jiggle the, um, the dorhandtag.
Schmidt: Yeah. I'm doing that.

Quote from Nick

Nick: They have Wi-Fi. [Jess and Schmidt yelling] But I don't know the password! I'm on a real roller coaster of emotions right now. Just slamming up and crashing down!

Quote from Aly

Winston: Aah. Aah, okay.
Cece: She's gonna pop!
Dave: How far apart are the contractions?
Winston: Who's asking?
Cece: I don't know.
Dave: Let's take a look. [screams]
Aly: Wah. I'm a baby.
Dave: Oh!
Aly: I'm, I'm... coming out.
Dave: Uh-uh.
Aly: I, I know. I'm rattled, too.
Rhonda: You just got Rhonda'd! That's for not coming to the family reunion.
Aly: I'm so sorry. We got Rhonda'd.

Quote from Aly

Winston: The divorce papers are finalized. Good news.
Cece: There's no way this could be disappearing ink, right?
Winston: Well, I mean, the longest disappearing ink on record is only 42 minutes, so, no, we're good.
Cece: Great.
Aly: I actually had a good time pranking Rhonda.
Cece: No, not you, too. Please.
Aly: I mean it. I think we can kind of get into this as a couple. We'll prank, have some sex...
Winston: Mm.
Aly: ...prank people, have some more sex, pet the cat. I'm okay with that life.

Quote from Winston

Cece: There are adoption papers in here.
Winston: What? Let me see this. Oh, holy hell, Rhonda adopted Aly...
Aly: What?
Winston: ...in Liberia.
Cece: In Liberia?
Winston: No, no, this doesn't make any sense. "Dear Aly, please accept these divorce papers as an engagement gift from Mom."
Aly: Ew. She said "Mom"?
Cece: I mean, I guess that's a good prank.
Aly: You're my stepdad?
Cece: I'm so confused by what qualifies, I honestly can't weigh in.
Aly: I hate my Liberian mom.

Quote from Schmidt

Nick: Schmidt, can I get a... a minute alone with Jess? Would you please take the pee bottles with you?
Schmidt: Sure. A grown man standing around a bunch of ten-year-olds, holding bottles of his own urine. What could go wrong?


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