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‘A Chill Day In’ Quotes

New Girl: A Chill Day In

518. A Chill Day In

Aired April 26, 2016

With the guys on a road trip to Las Vegas, Jess and Cece get high for her bachelorette party.

Quote from Cece

Cece: The very fact that socks exist is proof that shoes don't work.

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Quote from Winston

Winston: This is the happiest I've been in my entire life. I mean, look at my feet. Can't you see how happy I am?
Aly: Okay, you know I still technically have a boyfriend, right?
Winston: Oh, it's cool, I'm married.
Aly: What?
Winston: Oh, don't worry, it was a prank.
Aly: What?!

Quote from Jess

Jess: Welcome to your bachelorette party 2.0. I got... the nail polish.
Cece: Mm.
Jess: I got comfy socks.
Cece: Okay.
Jess: I have Canadian Broadcast Television's 1985 masterpiece, Anne of Green Gables.
Cece: Good ol' A.G.G.
Jess: But, oh, wait... who invited this little green chimney? I-it's a bong.
Cece: Yeah.
Jess: Oh, scoot, once every ten years, Jessica Day likes to partake in what the Native Americans call... cannabis.
Cece: That's Latin.
Jess: I like to call it Giggle Dirt.
Cece: You know, we really don't have to do this, because every time you smoke weed you almost die.

Quote from Jess

Jess: Like, why... like, why... like why are Gilbert's lips so sexual?

Quote from Cece

Cece: I-I love Schmidt, you know I love Schmidt, but I would throw it all away for Gilbert. I would just ruin my life to that boy.

Quote from Jess

Jess: Oh, my God, I... my hearing is, like, so good without my glasses on. I'm, like... a super hear-o. Just... eating up sounds with my ear mouths. Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. Oh, my God, wait till you try that. Put them on.
Cece: Okay.
Jess: It's like my hearing is, like, what a dog hears. I can hear the TV.
Cece: I can hear the TV.
Jess: I can hear the TV.

Quote from Schmidt

Cece: I think this is a gift from our registry.
Jess: Wait, don't open it! What if I-inside of it is us, but we're older?
Cece: I've no clue what this is. You know, Schmidt handled everything from the registry.
[flashback:]
Schmidt: [scanner beeping] Crockpot! Kettle, kettle! Espresso maker! Trivet! Melon baller!

Quote from Jess

Jess: Hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. This simple bitch wants you to be some kind of June Cleaver, Betty Draper, Carol Brady wifey?!
Cece: Mm-mm.
Jess: It is the 21st century!
Cece: Uh-huh.
Jess: Fifth generation feminism!
Cece: Keep going.
Jess: Work-life balance!
Cece: We need to rise up.
Jess: Yeah! 22% less pay for the same job?!
Cece: Don't tell me what to wax!
Jess: Sideburn where my thigh turn.

Quote from Cece

Cece: This was shipped like this so we are gonna need a new one.
Lady Employee: You obviously broke this yourself.
Cece: Uh...
Jess: Uh... You obviously broke it yourself.
Cece: Yup.
Lady Employee: No.
Cece: You crushed it with your mind.
Lady Employee: Okay, you're calling me a witch?
Jess: No, no, no, a sorceress, A sorceress. You just have magical powers, you don't like...
Lady Employee: I don't know how I can help you today.
Cece: It's like that episode of... remember that episode?
Jess: Yeah.
Cece: Of that... yeah.

Quote from Jess

Cece: Okay, so, like, um... how-how much would it... would it be to replace it?
Lady Employee: It's $1,200.
Jess: Is there a store in the mall that sells $1,200 for, like, $50?

Quote from Jess

Aly: What are you doing? This isn't how you handcuff people.
Mall Cop: It's mall jail. I only have two handcuffs.
Aly: I'm an actual cop.
Mall Cop: [laughing] Yeah, right. I'm a cop!
Jess: For the love of mack daddy, why can't you be cool?
Mall Cop: Shut it! You're in my house now.
Aly: Calm down, sir, your house is clearly a lost and found.
Jess: And it's all just baby shoes... and babies don't even need shoes. Why not put that money towards something worthwhile like a cute hat or a raincoat? [laughing] A baby in a raincoat. It's like... just like a... a little baby meteorologist.

Quote from Aly

Aly: Okay, how do we get out of here? How, how? Before the cops come.
Jess: Oh! Yes, okay, guys, here's how we get out of here. We dress up in the clothes from the lost and found, and we start crying, and then he comes back in and he's like, "Where are the girls?" This is just babies in here."
Aly: You're incredibly high.
Jess: No.
Aly: Yeah.
Jess: No.
Aly: Mm-hmm.
Jess: No. No.
Aly: Yeah.
Jess: Who?
Cece: You. You, babe.
Jess: How did you know?
Aly: Oh, I knew from the first second I saw you. Like, literally the first second.

Quote from Jess

Aly: Okay, ideas, you, go.
Cece: Oh, no, no, no, I am not giving you any ideas because it was my idea that got us into this mess in the first place. First... I bashed Schmidt's $1,200 bread maker.
Aly: $1,200?
Cece: Yeah.
Aly: For a bread maker?
Cece: I know.
Jess: That's a lot of dough. I'm trying to wink. Am I winking?

Quote from Cece

Cece: Then I got my best friend here to commit a crime, and now you might have... train duty?
Aly: It's like marathon duty but without the hot guys pooping their pants.
Cece: What does that say about me if I can't even take care of a bread maker? What if Louise was right? What if I can't take care of Schmidt?
Jess: How can you say you don't take care of people? You've been taking care of me my entire life. You're fierce and you are strong, and you would stand up for anyone that you love. You're like a big, scary mama bear.

Quote from Winston

Men: [sing] Alison I know this world
Winston: Aly, um, look, I really like you...
Men: [sing] Is killing
Winston: .. and, um... You, oh look, I know you just broke up with your boyfriend...
Men: [sing] Alison
Winston: .. but... whenever you're ready, I'd like to take you on a date. A real date, you know, with food, and music...
Aly: Bishop, I didn't...
Men: [sing] My aim
Aly: I didn't break up with him.
Men: [sing] Oh, you've got a husband now.
Aly: We didn't break up.
Winston: I'm sorry, uh... Jess said...
Aly: There was a miscommunication.

Quote from Robby

Robby: I can't take it anymore. I just have to say something. Cece, I'm still in love with you, all right? Don't marry Schmidt. That's a big mistake, all right? You run away with me...
Nick: Not now, Robby.
Schmidt: Honestly, stop.
Cece: Now's not the time, Robby.
Robby: Okay, it makes sense, I...

Quote from Winston

Aly: Guys, quiet, please, I just... I need to talk to Bishop for a second. I'm so sorry about this. That song was nice. Um... Aly is actually not short for Alison but... it was really good effort.
Winston: Okay, cool, yeah, that's... [exhales] I'm-I'm good. I'm good, um... Tripp, you know, he's a very lucky guy, very lucky guy, but I'm fine. Don't worry about me. I'm just gonna go to my room and try to shove my face through a heating grate. [chuckles] Yeah, Jess, I will deal with you in the morning.
Jess: You know what my Grammy always said, "Why put off for tomorrow-day, what you could say, nnn... today-day?"
Winston: Yeah. Oh, Aly, um... Happy Copiversary. You've been a cop five years today, and I know how much that means to you, so... congratulations, I am very proud of you.
Aly: Oh, my... Wait, Winston.
Winston: Uh, something told me not to go with copiversary. My first choice, though, was Police Navidad.
Aly: No, I just... You remembered.
Winston: [chuckles] Well, of course, I remembered. I mean, I'm your partner, why wouldn't I re... I mean, I... [Aly kisses Winston] Thank you.


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