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‘Bells’ Quotes

New Girl: Bells

107. Bells

Aired November 29, 2011

Jess regrets bringing her troubled-youth musical group back to the apartment when Winston joins the group. Meanwhile, Nick feels belittled by Schmidt because he doesn't have the money to hire a professional plumber.

Quote from Winston

Winston: I'm losing my mind, guys. You know, I sometimes touch the frayed part of the power cord just to feel something.

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Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: I will not apologize again for the Midori Sours!
Nick: Who drinks Midori Sours?!
Schmidt: Everyone drinks Midori Sours!
Nick: No, they don't!
Schmidt: It's a melon liqueur!
Nick: I would never drink one!
Schmidt: It's an American classic with Asian influences!
Nick: Winston would never drink one!

Quote from Winston

Winston: Here's what I was thinking, okay? If we want to win this concert, we play something cool, like "Eye of the Tiger."
Girl: What's "Eye of the Tiger"?
Winston: "Eye of the Tiger" is the greatest song ever written. It's so cool, it ended the Cold War.
Jess: That's not even a little bit true.

Quote from Schmidt

Nick: What are you doing?
Schmidt: [sniffs] Lotusberry Relax. Lotusberry Relax. I can smell it on you right now!
Nick: Fine! Stop smelling my hair!
Schmidt: You know how much that stuff costs?
Nick: Okay, Schmidt, I didn't use your conditioner.
Schmidt: Why does your hair look so baby soft?!
Nick: Fine, Schmidt! I ran out of shampoo and I used your conditioner. We're talking about conditioner, right?
Schmidt: You used it as shampoo?! It's for moisture, Nick, not for cleaning! I can't believe we're friends. Give me it back, man.
Nick: Give you what back?
Schmidt: Give me it back.
Nick: Think about what you're doing right now.
Schmidt: I'm squeezing it out of your hair.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Mmm. You know you want in on this, man. A little fatty toon... little yellow T... Cali roll. Samurai snack. So scrummy.
Nick: I'm good with this. Looks like you're soloing on $80 worth of sushi, Schmidt.
Schmidt: 'Cause I got the means, player. Look, I get why you don't want to get down there. But, Winston, you got to climb aboard, man. You got a serious J-O-B now.

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: Okay, Nick, repeat after me: I am not the Chinese kid from Goonies.
Nick: You know, I fix things just to the point of working, Schmidt. If you want a fancy-fix, just say so.

Quote from Jess

Winston: Believe it or not, Jess, I have never played handbells before. I just pick things up easy, that's all.
Jess: I know handbells aren't the coolest instrument in the world, they might not even be the fifth coolest, but the kids would love it, it would really mean a lot to them, and if they saw how good you are, I think they'd really get into it and maybe try a little bit harder. Also, there's, like, a lot of potentially cool, like, bell shorthand we could use to talk about... [whispers] Nick... while he's right there we'll be, like... "Nick's such a tinkle!" "I think he's more like a tonkel." Tinkle and tonkel are potential bell talk we could use.
Winston: I get it. Just be cool, please.

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: If only there were some sort of pipe and... and water expert that we could hire to come and fix this problem.
Nick: Yeah, I can't afford a plumber.
Schmidt: A plumber! That's what it's called!
Nick: You really want to do this? You want to have this fight with me? You want to go down this path, Schmidt?
Schmidt: I don't know, is this a path that you recently fixed?
Nick: It's called self-reliance. 'Cause unlike you, Schmidt, I don't just throw my money at problems.
Schmidt: All I'm hearing is that I can't use my bathroom because you're poor. Look, it's your lucky day, buddy. I'm gonna pay for the plumber.
Nick: No, Schmidt, I don't want your charity.
Schmidt: Well, you seem very happy using my emergency tools.
Nick: Oh, yeah? Do you even know what this is?
Schmidt: Doy, it's a scissor.
Nick: Yeah, that's exactly right. [throws it in the toilet] A scissor. Really, Schmidt?
Schmidt: Yeah, a scissors that you just threw in the turdlet.

Quote from Jess

Jess: So, tonight at rehearsal, keep an eye out for Hector. I'm having trouble getting him to interact. He really wants to play the drums, so I told him bells were the next best thing, which was a lie, so I couldn't keep a straight face while I was saying it. He saw right through me.

Quote from Nick

Nick: Hey, my name's Schmidt. I was born rich. I had a $40,000 Bar Mitzvah.
Schmidt: Okay. How long you do the petty act for, man, huh? A week? A month? Is this "my favorite bedspread" all over again?
Nick: That was a handmade gift my nanny gave me that you spilled a pitcher of Midori Sours on, and now you bring it up like it's nothing?
Schmidt: I left you a check for $30 on your pillow. Your nanny gave you that thing for free, so as far as I'm concerned, you're up 30 bucks.
Nick: My nanny is dead! I'm not looking to make money off of her!

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Enjoy the couch. I bought that, too. [Nick gets up and sits on the floor] Enjoy the rug, too ... paid for that. Organic woven. [Nick gets up] What are you doing? What are you doing? [Nick unplugs the TV] Oh, come on, man.
Nick: Well, I stole the cable!
Schmidt: And my Bar Mitzvah was an amazing event! [Nick slams the door] The theme was sports jams.

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: What is that, man?
Nick: I'm sorry. I put your couch and your freezer in your room, Schmidt. Yeah, I didn't want to get my poor on them.
Schmidt: I got to get in there, man. I'm a mess. I have to go to a networking event later. Scott Caan is speaking!
Nick: Ugh, would you listen to yourself?

Quote from Jess

Winston: I'm sorry, Jess, but I really don't care.
Jess: You know what, I love running this group. It gives me confidence, it gives me muscle definition. Yes, sometimes it gives me blinding optical migraines where I literally can't see three feet in front of myself. But I love these kids. And I'm sorry I kicked you out of group, but one thing you can't do with these kids is make it about you.
Winston: Jess, I don't see what the big deal is, okay? I only practiced with you guys a couple of times.
Jess: You're such a tonkel!
Winston: Whoa, hold it! Don't nobody call me a tonkel.
Jess: If you tell them they aren't good, that's one more person telling them that. That's a big deal to me, making sure no one else gives up on them. Even if they sound like a guy covered in bells falling down a staircase that's also made of bells. I know you've had a hard month, I know you don't have a job, but, God, they're just kids. Also, what happened to the refrigerator and the sofa? Did we get robbed by giants?

Quote from Nick

Nick: You know what sucks about getting older? Your friends have known you for way too long. They've got too much on you.
Winston: Yep.
Nick: I want friends who still lie to me, 'cause they don't want to hurt my feelings.
Winston: Mm.
Nick: I sadly kind of mean that.
Winston: What happened to us, man? We used to be so cool. I was going to play basketball and be a gazillionaire. [chuckles]
Nick: Right. And I told myself I was never going to live with Schmidt.
Winston: Who do you live with now?
Nick: I live with Schmidt, and he's killing me, Winston, he's killing me.

Quote from Nick

Schmidt: You know I don't think you're a loser, right?
Nick: I can't hear anything you say when you wear that sweater, Schmidt. You open your mouth and I just hear: "Cardigan, cardigan. I am wearing a cardigan."


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