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‘Sister III’ Quotes

New Girl: Sister III

318. Sister III

Aired March 4, 2014

Jess decides she and Nick should move in together after seeing Abby and Schmidt living together. Meanwhile, Winston prepares for the police obstacle course, and Cece and Coach bond as friends.

Quote from Nick

Nick: Reason 13: I like my stuff and I hate her stuff. Reason number 14: How am I ever gonna change my clothes?
Schmidt: You don't change in front of your girlfriend? You get naked in front of her.
Nick: Yes, but those are different things. When you're naked, you're powerful and it's glorious. When you're changing, you're hunched over and cowering, like an animal.
Schmidt: Animals don't wear clothes, Nick.

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Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Is that why you guys are sorting through my garbage? I appreciate the concern, you guys, but Abby has changed.
Coach: Then how do you explain this?
Schmidt: I put my coffee grounds in a plastic bag so it doesn't get the rest of my trash dirty.
Coach: Really?
Cece: Yeah, he does that.
Coach: You got clean-ass trash, man. I don't even need gloves for this.
Schmidt: Quit sorting through my trash, Coach. You're messing it all up.

Quote from Nick

Nick: Hey. I'm sorry that this didn't work out. I'm sorry that we sucked.
Jess: Look, we don't suck. I'm crazy about you, but I don't have to spend every second with you in what amounts to a one-room log cabin.
Nick: Cabins are what drove the Pilgrims crazy. That's why they killed each other at the Plymouth Rock Massacre.
Jess: That's not a real thing.
Nick: So how did the millions of Pilgrims die?
Jess: There definitely weren't millions of Pilgrims.
Nick: Then how do you explain my 37-page essay about it?
Jess: I think you made it up in your head.
Nick: This seems like one of those "agree to disagree" moments...
Jess: No. It's not.
Nick: I'm also older than you.

Quote from Coach

Coach: Cece, darling.
Cece: Hmm? What?
Coach: How long have we been friends?
Cece: A week or so?
Coach: And have I ever steered you wrong?
Cece: Well, no.
Coach: Exactly. Because I know you better than anyone, girl. And you're acting like a lunatic. I mean, the kind of lunatic other lunatics look at and go, "Oh, my God, that bitch a lunatic." So I'm gonna need you to figure out why you're really doing all this for Schmidt and then sort it out.
Cece: You did not just say that to me. [snaps fingers]
Coach: Think about it, girl. Shoot.
Cece: Just to be clear, I did not ask you to act like this, okay?
Coach: It's just kind of fun to do.
Cece: Slow down, girl.
Coach: You gonna eat that scone? Damn it.
Cece: Slow down.
Coach: [manly] Are you- Are you gonna have this scone?

Quote from Coach

Coach: Cece and I have been hanging out a lot more lately. She sort of treats me like I'm one of her girl friends, and...
Winston: [strained] You don't like it?
Coach: I love it. [chuckles] I mean, usually, when I'm friends with a girl, I'm either trying to get that butt or she's trying to get this butt. But with Cece, it's not about the butt. [chuckles] It's not about the butt, man. It's cool. It's like... We're like sisters.
Winston: What?!
Cece: [enters] Coach. Hey, do you have, uh, Schmidt's keys? Kind of got a weird favor to ask.
Coach: It's only weird if you don't ask, girl. [laughs]
Winston: What?!
Cece: That's what I'm talking about.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Great. Hit a parked car in the same neighborhood they shot friggin' Children of Men.

Quote from Jess

Jess: [on the phone] Coffee for one, a sundae for one, and the most tasteful, story-driven [whispers] adult film. Preferably a period piece. The farther in the past, the better. You know what I'm talking about, girl.
[later, Jess sobs]
Jess: [on the phone] Do you have anything in the Byzantine era? No? Okay, just a shot in the dark.

Quote from Jess

Nick: We basically sleep in each other's rooms every night, so what is the difference?
Jess: It's a really big difference. Because right now we're roommates but we're not living together. Not "living together." You know?
Nick: No.
Jess: Living together is a step. It's official. It's an official step in a relationship.
Nick: So the word "official" is the key.
Jess: Abby and Schmidt did it after one week. Come on. We have so much left to learn about each other, stuff you can only learn if you're crammed together in a small space and you can't get out. Just you and me. Four walls. No boundaries, no escape.
Nick: When you put it like that, it sounds amazing. And like prison.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: True intimacy. Embrace that. Abby and I, we have one sponge. And we use it for everything.
Nick: I don't like that, but you seem happy.
Schmidt: Don't hold back, Nick. Expose your cracks and love will fill them.
Nick: That's nice.
Schmidt: Thank you.

Quote from Schmidt

Nick: Do you know how hard it's been for me to take this conversation seriously while you're wearing that thing around your neck?
Schmidt: It's an Iroquois throat band.
Nick: That's the ugliest thing I've ever seen.
Schmidt: Yeah, you're jealous.
Nick: No, I'm not.
Schmidt: It's not just a choker, it's story.
Nick: What's the story? She didn't have enough supplies?
Schmidt: I'm not through the whole thing yet.
Nick: I got to tell you, man, looking at that thing, the sex must be awesome.

Quote from Coach

Cece: Schmidt, you've known this girl for a couple weeks, okay? I've known her for 20 years, and, I am telling you, she's not to be trusted.
Coach: Your words are changing his opinions about things. [chuckles] Up top.
Cece: Mm.
Schmidt: You two as friends is a real bummer. I'm not into it.

Quote from Nick

Jess: You know, I've seen you naked before, right? What's going on there?
Nick: Oh! Never changed in front of a woman. You know, mostly you just hook up and...
Jess: Really? Are you serious?
Jess: All right, I'm gonna read. [clears throat]
Nick: [quietly] Okay. Here we go. [moans] Yeah, it's... Just gonna put this on here.
Jess: What is that?
Nick: Oh, this is my long shirt.
Jess: [snorts]
Nick: Yeah. Oh. That's why you're laughing. I had it on the wrong way. [laughs] That must have been funny-looking the way it was. I've never broken it out before you because, you know, we didn't live together, but it keeps the top really warm and lets my bottom breathe. And so yeah.
Jess: Why does your bottom need to breathe?
Nick: Well, it's like a plant. Needs sun and air to survive.

Quote from Coach

Schmidt: I feel very uncomfortable being here, I trust Abby, I don't want to spy on her any more, okay?
Cece: We're not spying. We're just carefully watching.
Coach: Girlfriend is going down.
Cece: Yeah, she is.
Coach: Let us bust her, buster.
Cece: [giggles] That was a good one.
Coach: That was.
Cece: Yeah.
Schmidt: Okay. [Cece and Coach both sigh] This dynamic between the two of you... It's very annoying to me. I'm sure I'm not alone on this.
Coach: Hi, hater.
Cece: Bye, hater.

Quote from Winston

Winston: Oh, you can do this. You can do this, Winnie. [to a boy] What are you doing here? On a school day? I see this means you're the cutting type. Which means you're the pantsing type. Well, I got news for you, buddy. You ain't getting 'em! Not today. How 'bout I take your pants, huh? Not like that, everybody! I'm not trying to take the little kid's pants. He's trying to take my pants. You see how he's eyeing my pants? So I eyed his pants... You know what? You win. You win, you little son of a bitch. You win!

Quote from Schmidt

Cece: So, anyway, I just want to apologize. It was wrong of me to get involved.
Schmidt: Are you sure you don't want to tap Abby's phone? Run a DNA sample? I don't want to be coarse, but the bedroom is covered in it.

Quote from Jess

Nick: Oh, hey. How was Sacramento?
Jess: It was great. The kids cried when they saw the capital.
Nick: Oh, did they? How many students showed up?
Jess: 30.
Nick: What hotel did you stay at?
Jess: Old Sacramento Inn.
Nick: What room did you stay in?
Jess: 523.
Nick: What floor was that on?
Jess: Five.
Nick: Was there an elevator to the 4th floor?
Jess: 5th floor.
Nick: Smoking or non-smoking?
Jess: Smoking.
Nick: You don't smoke.
Jess: In Sacramento, I do.
Nick: What'd you have for breakfast?
Jess: Continental.
Nick: How are you this good at lying?! I know you're making this all up!

Quote from Jess

Jess: You didn't like living together either?
Nick: No, but it was your idea, and it seemed like the thing to do. But at least I didn't lie about it, Jess.
Jess: Okay, I did! But you were driving me crazy. [quietly] You wear a nightgown.
Nick: Are you talking about my long shirt?
Jess: You look like the Little Match Girl, wandering around Victorian England selling matches for a penny.
Nick: I look like George Washington.

Quote from Jess

Jess: No, I went to the hotel to get away from Nick. And I wore a robe and I watched a documentary about Ethel Kennedy and it was one of the best nights of my life. So you win. Your relationship's better than mine. And I can't even share a room with Nick.
Abby: I don't win. Come on. I swing from guy to guy. I don't think I have ever paid my own rent.
Jess: You travel the world, collecting lovers. All my lovers could fit in one SUV. And, yes, maybe somebody would have to sit on someone's lap, but they would fit. And you're just brave.

Quote from Jess

Abby: You and Nick are brave. You guys know each other, you get under each other's skin.
Jess: He has the feet of a hippy cult leader.
Abby: But that's the difference. I just throw myself into whatever comes along because I really don't want to be alone.
Jess: Why not? Being alone's great. You should try it sometime. Seriously. It might help you figure yourself out. [sighs] You're Abby Freaking Day. You can do whatever you want. Except vote. [Abby laughs] But, seriously, you should've seen Nick's feet. The bottoms are all black, except for one patch of yellow. [Abby laughs]

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Hey, guys. Uh, just a little hot goss from apartment 4C. Abby's gone.
Jess: What?
Schmidt: She's gonna stay with your mom for a little bit. Something about saving up to be independent?
Jess: Wow. Good for her.
Nick: I'm sorry.
Schmidt: It's okay. You know in hindsight, maybe we moved a little bit too fast. I just wish that I had realized that before I rented her a storefront.
Jess: You rented her a storefront?
Schmidt: It was a three-year lease in an undesirable neighborhood. [chuckles] It totally obliterated my bank account, so I've decided to sublet my place, and I'll be moving back here, under duress.


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