New Girl Quotes

New Girl

New Girl

A quirky teacher, Jess, moves in to a loft with three guys after breaking up with her long-term boyfriend.

Starring: Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, Damon Wayans, Jr., Hannah Simone, Lamorne Morris.
Recurring Actors: Megan Fox, Nasim Pedrad, Nelson Franklin, Rob Reiner, Jamie Lee Curtis, Justin Long.
Original Run: 2011-2018.

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Quote from Nick in A Father's Love

Schmidt: Oh, my... Nick, please do not angry-fix the sink.
Nick: I'm not angry-fixing. I'm fixing! You want to know why I'm messed up? Why I don't trust people? Why I have anger issues?
Jess: Oh, yes, I do want to know.
Nick: Why I have the blood pressure of a hummingbird? [rapid banging]
Jess: Do you think this is maybe about your dad?

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Quote from Winston in Secrets

Winston: All right, everybody stop! Wherever you are right now, just sit down! Okay, now, Saturday is a day for sleeping, and damn it, you will not take that away from me! You, give her her scarf back. Finders keepers is not a thing. You, get out of my house!
Holly: Who are you?
Winston: Who am I? Who am I? Well, I am Theodore K. Mullins. And Nick is my lover on the down low. Tell her, Nick. Tell her how it really goes down in apartment 4D. Oh, great Negro spiritual, please come down and loose these chains on this woman! Flesh on flesh. When the lights are off, we are all the same.
Nick: Not true.
Winston: Dear lord, help me, Father! Get out of my house. Get out of my house!

Quote from Schmidt in Godparents

Schmidt: Oh, no. Ruth hasn't been signed out. Um, excuse me. Um, have you seen Ruth? Brown hair, smile that would shake the earth, hates peas?
Girl: A white man broke in today.
Schmidt: A... a white man?! No! Well, what did security do about it?!
Girl: Nothing.
Schmidt: Typical!

Quote from Nick in Young Adult

Nick: I'm using magnetic words to break through my writer's block, and it's not working. I've already folded all my shirts and masturbated six times, and I'm running out of things to do. I'm just in a real bind. You see, The Pepperwood Chronicles sold over 30 copies, Jess.
Jess: So, what, we're complaining about good things now?
Nick: It's just, my audience is gonna be clamoring for a sequel, and I can't leave those stevedores, those- those tugboat workers, those lighthouse keepers empty-handed.
Jess: You think that your audience is entirely made of, like...
Nick: Blue-collar nautical workers on the coastline of Maine. I don't think that, Jess, I know that.

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Quote from Nick in Models

Nick: Uh, Schmidt, I got you something, man. Uh, they didn't have a Jewish star at the store, so I got you a regular cookie and I made the star myself by breaking off the pieces. It's meant to celebrate your Jewish heritage.
Schmidt: What is this?
Nick: A Jewish star... I just said that.
Winston: Hey, hey, Schmidt, just...
Schmidt: This... Is so terrible!
Nick: You gave me a cookie, I gave you a cookie. You gave me a cookie, gave you cookie. Gave me cookie, got you cookie! You gave me cookie, I got you cookie, man! Gave me cookie, got you cookie! We're even! We're even, Schmidt! I mean, what do you want from me? What do you want, Schmidt? I've been racking my brain all day. I walked around the grocery store, man, for 45 minutes. I didn't know what to get you. And then I was thinking I was gonna get you ramen like we used to eat, but you probably eat, like, fancy ramen now with, like, figs in it. I don't know, man. You love me too much, Schmidt, and you picked the wrong guy. And when are you gonna get that through that giant head of yours? I'm just gonna let you down, man.

Quote from Aly in Reagan

Aly: Okay, I don't want to upset you guys, but if you keep looking for magic, you're gonna be alone forever.
Nick: Did you just say you don't mean to upset us and then tell us we're gonna end up alone?
Aly: I actually don't care if I upset you.
Nick: Yeah, 'cause that's really upsetting.
Winston: You know, I got to... I got to say, I'm with Aly on this one; she's making sense. Which is why she always plays "smart cop" when we play "Smart Cop/Dumb Cop."
Aly: Not a game we play. I'm super worried you think we do, terrified.
Winston: I feel like we're playing it right now.
Nick: Great "dumb cop," great "smart cop."

Quote from Winston in Shark

Winston: Dude, I'm gonna be in a patrol car the entire time. [laughing] I just got a text from my buddy Reynolds. Working his first shift, he got stabbed in the leg by a little girl. [laughs] I love Reynolds, man. He makes me laugh. That's funny...
Nick: You think that's funny?
Winston: To be stabbed by a little kid, yeah.
Coach: On the job.
Winston: Right. 'Cause you get paid.
Nick: That you're about to do.
Winston: Right, 'cause it's a child, and it's hilarious.
Nick: You don't like getting cut. You're very physically sensitive.
Winston: I am. Paper cuts give me headaches.