Parks and Recreation Quotes

Parks and Recreation

Parks and Recreation

Parks and Recreation centers on Leslie Knope, a mid-level bureaucrat in the parks department of the fictional town of Pawnee, Indiana, who is determined to use her position to improve the lives of the town's residents.

Starring: Amy Poehler, Rashida Jones, Aziz Ansari, Nick Offerman, Aubrey Plaza, Chris Pratt, Adam Scott, Rob Lowe, Jim O'Heir, Retta.
Recurring Actors: Paul Schneider, Billy Eichner, Jay Jackson, Mo Collins, Ben Schwartz, Megan Mullally, Jon Glaser.
Original Run: 2009-2015.

Quote of the Day

Quote from Ron Swanson in Soulmates

Ron Swanson: Christopher, got a second?
Chris: Oh, hey, Ron.
Ron Swanson: Listen, I've eaten a commissary hamburger for lunch every day for 12 years. I just wanted to make sure this pointless health crusade won't affect the only part of my job that I like.
Chris: Oh, no, those hamburgers are gone. Red meat can cause sluggishness, heart disease, even impotence.
Ron Swanson: Has the opposite effect on me.

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Popular Quotes

Quote from Ron Swanson in Gin It Up!

Ron Swanson: That's your will? You need that many pages to say, "Give my stuff to my wife"?
Ben: It's a complicated legal document.
Ron Swanson: It doesn't have to be. I've had the same will since I was eight years old.
Ben: "Upon my death, all of my belongings shall transfer to the man or animal who has killed me." What are these weird symbols?
Ron Swanson: The man who kills me will know.

Quote from Ron Swanson in Ms. Knope Goes to Washington

Ranger Patrick: Hey, Ron. You're not going to slaughter that pig here, are you?
Ron Swanson: Not to worry. I have a permit.
Ranger Patrick: This just says, "I can do what I want."
Ron Swanson: I am the director of the Parks Department, and this is a park.
Ranger Patrick: It's not a Parks thing. It's against, like, three laws and a dozen health codes.
Ron Swanson: Fine. Barbecue is postponed until I can go pick up some meat from the Food 'n' Stuff. Let's go, Tom. No, pig Tom. [Donna laughs]

Quote from Ron Swanson in Partridge

Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] Tom and April were excellent witnesses in my defense. Unfortunately, every single word out of their mouths was a lie. There's only one thing I hate more than lying. Skim milk. Which is water that's lying about being milk.

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Trending Quotes

Quote from Andy in Campaign Ad

Dr. Lipp Nerpins: Okay, if you're allergic to any food, we'll know in a few days.
Andy: I think based on the redness I might be allergic to getting stabbed by needles.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: We have already been to, like, five different doctors. I got my ankles microwaved.
April: X-rayed.
Andy: They took my blood away to use for science.
April: Cholesterol tests.
Andy: April had her sinuses removed?
April: Looked at.
Andy: Some guy looked at my wiener, touched it. That was weird.
April: And that guy wasn't even a doctor.
Andy: That... What?

Quote from Ron Swanson in The Banquet

[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: I refuse to lather Marlene up, kiss her ring like everybody else. Instead I'll be delivering a speech of facts.
[later:]
Ron Swanson: Marlene is a woman. She has worked in the government for three decades. Thirty years. Properly applied, that's how long a good varnish should last. So, Marlene, it is true that you have won this award.

Quote from Tom in Fluoride

Tom: I don't know about y'all, but Drink-ems seems pretty boring to me, not like H-2-flow.
Leslie Knope: Excuse me. I have several binders with very important data that I need to get through.
Tom: Well, miss, I think we'd all appreciate it if you just swallowed a teaspoon of hush. Think of H-2-flow as an app for your teeth. The more flow you take in, the more sparkle points you get. Get enough sparkle points, and you're on your way to your first aqua badge! Collect enough aqua badges, and we'll welcome you to the H-2-flow Platinum Club.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: I'm great at business, and I'm great at parks stuff. I'm like Picasso meets Michael Jordan. I can paint, but, uh, I can also be a world-class gambler.